Twelve months of manflesh: The hottest calendars of 2017

Autumnal sunsets. Cats batting around yarn and sleeping in wicker baskets. Crescent moons. Fields of barley.

Calendars come in so many themes that it can be overwhelming trying to decide which one best suits you. But on the off chance that you’d rather forgo all the kittens and the barley and whatever and pick up a calendar that’s heavy on the hunky side of the spectrum, we have you covered.

Let’s begin.

Woof. Here’s the 2017 Pecs and Pups calendar by Mike Ruiz. Not only is this a perfect medley of manflesh and cute-ass dogs, but all proceeds benefit Louie’s Legacy Animal Rescue, a 501(c)(3) non-profit charity. Purchase it here.

You’ll probably want your 2017 calendar to be rife with photos of “orthodox priests” in various states of undress and in highly compromising positions, correct? Well, consider your prayers answered.

Did your heart just do a grand jeté? (Um. Eww.) Probably something to do with the 2017 Gleb Savchenko Calendar, a pictorial ode to the pectorals of this fine Russian dancer/choreographer. Purchase it HERE.

How angry are you that the Exeter Chiefs have shirked their duties as professional rugby players to strip down to their skivvies for this 2017 calendar? Order it HERE to exorcise your rage.

If you haven’t picked up your 2017 calendar featuring musclebound firefighters snuggling up to adorable puppies, ask yourself: “Why am I so deeply, deeply stupid?” Order here.

We’ve spilled a lot of ink about Robert Sepulveda, Jr. this year. The shady fellow is now “bringing awareness to sex workers” by recreating his past in a limited-edition calendar that beguilingly costs $50.

Personally, we’ll use our $50 to support sex work in our own special way, but you can order yours here:

James Hill of the UK Apprentice gamely slipped into a red swim brief to shoot a calendar of his very own. So what if you have no fucking idea who he is? Life is short. (Order yours here.)

A handful of handsome Asian-American performers, writers, and celebs went all-out sexy for the second annual Haikus On Hotties calendar, which pairs photos of strapping young men with lithe poetry tackling difficult questions about… just how hot these guys are. Sure, why not?

On the off-chance that you occasionally find yourself wondering which studly redheads are posing for the 2017 “Red Hot” calendar, you can find your answer here:

Shirtless hunks coming to the aid of ailing animals are more important than ever. That’s the takeaway from the 2017 Men of the Vet School Calendar, which features handsome Cornell men selflessly helping a menagerie of goats, cows, dogs, and kangaroos in distress. Buy it here.

Alex Bowen, the British reality star born with an appendage that defies said reality, decided 2017 was the year he’d finally have his very own calendar. Purchase here.

??? link for my 2017 calendar is in my bio ?? click tha tinggggg ???with this being December maybe I should of worn more clothes ??

A photo posted by A L E X B O W E N (@ab_bowen) on Sep 16, 2016 at 8:44am PDT

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Your tax dollars could be tapped to make billionaire Peter Thiel immortal

One thing you can say about Donald Trump: he rewards loyalty. Since he can’t be bothered with the details of governing, he’s turned the preparation for his administration over to those who stood by him during the campaign. A chief beneficiary is PayPal billionaire Peter Thiel, who praised Trump in primetime at the Republican convention and followed up with a hefty campaign donation at a time when Trump’s defeat seemed certain.

For his support, Thiel has been given a major role in selecting who will run the Trump administration’s health and science efforts.

“He’s got pretty broad influence,” an anonymous insider told the health and science website State.

Given Thiel’s love of weird ideas, that comment should send shudders down your spine.

Put aside the obvious conflicts of interest that are a prominent feature of the incoming administration. (Thiel has investments in health sciences companies and a firm that sells health care software.) Thiel is now in a position to shape U.S. policy in a way that matches his own bizarre views. Rolling back regulations and making life easier for drug companies is to be expected in the next White House. Thiel has already reportedly tapped his chief of staff, Jim O’Neill, as FDA commissioner, even though O’Neill has zero medical background and has promoted the idea that the FDA should approve drugs before they’re shown to work. “Let people start using them, at their own risk,” O’Neill told a conference two years ago. 

Like his boss, O’Neill is a big promoter of the idea that death can be conquered. And more specifically, that Thiel’s death can be indefinitely postponed, since he wants to be immortal. With Thiel influencing government policy, that means he could clear the way for the type of research that directly feeds Thiel’s fanciful beliefs.

“[Thiel] seems to me a worrisome outlier in terms of his views about science and research,” Henry Greely, director of the Center for Law and the Biosciences at Stanford Law School, told Stat. “He seems quite impatient with the normal ways things get done. I worry that he is interested in shaking up the research establishment and doing it in ways that lead to higher risk activities that have potentially higher rewards, but lower probabilities of being successful. That can be catastrophic.”

But who is going to stop Thiel? Not Trump. In the meantime, we could see our tax dollars diverted from funding research on challenges like HIV/AIDS that will have a real impact to research that will keep Thiel immortal. And if you’re worried about that, there will be some new drugs on the market you can try. Of course, there’s no guarantee that they”ll work. In fact, they may even kill you before you have a chance to take that immortality pill.

But that’s your own risk.

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