Gay High School Valedictorian Silenced and Outed by Principal
After a Colorado principal silenced a gay valedictorian who hoped to come out at graduation, the teen got a second chance.
Glenn Garner
www.advocate.com/lgbt-youth/2015/06/01/gay-high-school-valedictorian-silenced-and-outed-principal
8 Conversations You Need To Have Before Marrying Again
Frank Sinatra once crooned that love is lovelier the second time around but Ol’ Blue Eyes wasn’t telling the whole story: when you remarry, love is also a whole lot more complicated.
The best way to stave off a second (or third) divorce is by addressing challenges as early as possible. Below, relationship experts weigh in with eight pressing conversations you need to have with your S.O. before giving marriage another shot.
1. Talk about what you did wrong in your last relationships.
If you want a strong second or third marriage, you need to look inward and take full ownership of the mistakes you’ve made in the past. You played a part in the downfall of your last marriage, now put that knowledge to use to make this one go the distance, said therapist Heather Gray.
“Ask yourself how you hold yourself accountable for your divorce,” Gray suggested. “Your response can’t be a job interview kind of answer, where you spin a strength inside out to make it sound like a weakness; this is real, honest communication about what you could have done better and why you didn’t do it the first time around. If one or both of you can’t transparently answer, you haven’t done enough work on yourselves to be ready to commit again.”
2. Talk about what your exes did wrong in your last relationship.
Owning up to your own marital mistakes doesn’t mean your ex is entirely off the hook. Talk to your current S.O. about what was missing in your last marriage and discuss any lingering feelings you may have about your ex’s failings as a partner, said Mark Banschick, a psychiatrist and the author of The Intelligent Divorce.
“We bring wounds of the past into the present. In the new marriage, you need to let your spouse know that you get a bit undone when he fails to respond to a text or when she stonewalls you during an argument,” Banschick said. “The advantage of a second or third marriage is that you can dispassionately share these issues with each other because there’s no requirement of perfection — you know that no marriage is perfect.”
3. Make a plan to fight fair.
Chances are you had some downright ugly fights with your ex toward the end of your marriage. While you might be inclined to leave those arguments in the past (who can blame you?), it’s worth using those negative experiences to establish ground rules for how to fight fair, psychiatrist Mark Goulston said. He used a couple he knows to illustrate his point:
“The husband, who I’ll call Frank, is on his third marriage and she’s on her second. Frank once told me: ‘We are living proof that having to win and having to be right at all times can win an argument and destroy a marriage.'”
Nowadays, Goulston said Frank and his current wife have come up with ground rules that they both follow and respect — like not using the words “always” or “never” during arguments and saying, “We’ll figure this out tomorrow, but know that I love you” if they go to bed without resolving the issues.
4. Thoroughly discuss your financial expectations for the marriage.
With a marriage (or two) behind you, you’re probably well-acquainted with how ugly arguments over money can be. (You’re not alone; researchers at Kansas State University recently found that finance-related arguments are the top predictor of divorce.) This time around, sit down and have an honest discussion about your financial expectations, said financial advisor Gabrielle Clemens.
“Before the wedding vows, take the time to discuss your separate assets, your separate liabilities and create a household financial plan to set forth exactly who pays for what in the relationship,” she said. “This is especially necessary if one person has significantly more assets than the other. The bitterness that can develop due to what is perceived to be a lack of commitment or loyalty to a spouse in favor of the kids can affect even the happiest of newlyweds.”
5. Ask yourselves: How will we integrate our two families?
Face it: You’re not just marrying your partner. You’re marrying their entire family, from their kids to their exes-turned-co-parenting partners. Put effort into making one another feel like part of the family while recognizing that it’s not necessarily going to be easy, Gray said.
“Blended families aren’t the Brady Bunch. They sometimes require patience and hard conversations,” she said. “Couples can’t ignore this reality just because they want a life together. And it’s not always realistic to say, ‘You deal with yours and I’ll deal with mine.’ Doing that oftentimes creates a divide before you’ve even become a union. You’re ready to commit to a person; Are you ready to commit to their family? Are they ready to commit to yours?”
6. If you have kids, lay down some parenting rules.
Your S.O. may have high hopes for being a bonus parent but a stepparent-stepkid relationship can’t be forced. If your partner comes off too strong — asking to be called “mom” or “dad” early on, for instance, or disciplining in a heavy-handed way — address the issue right away, said Banschick.
“This is not an easy conversation because hopefully, your soon-to-be spouse is in love with you and loves your kids just as much,” he said. “Your S.O. wants a family, but whether he or she likes it or not, this package deal has its own set of rules. The title of mom or dad generally belongs to your ex-spouse. You don’t want children to have to choose and feel disloyal in the process.”
He added: “Work together so your partner has a say in the house. Make sure he or she is valued. Children benefit from secure, loving and strong adults in their lives.”
7. What are your non-negotiable needs in a relationship?
Compromise and open communication are the cornerstones of any good relationship, but compromise too much and resentment is bound to fester. If you tried to silence your core needs in your previous marriage, speak up this time around, Gray said.
“We tend to negotiate important needs away and tell ourselves we don’t need them, especially when our partners fail to meet them over and over again,” she said. “Being clear with your new love about who you are includes being clear on what you need and asking your new partner if they are willing to meet those needs.”
8. And finally, talk about your hopes for the future and recognize this as your chance to do it right.
When you’re done tackling those weighty conversations, Goulston suggests you both embrace this second chance — and recognize that things could be a lot worse.
“The most comical — and probably the best marital tip I’ve ever heard — comes from a couple who were previously both divorced. After 15 years of marriage and very few arguments, the husband told me with his wry sense of humor, ‘Marry someone where both of your exes were off-the-charts difficult. That way, every time you have a disagreement with your current spouse, you get flashbacks from the awful marriage and you just start giggling together because you realize you escaped that!'”
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As Mean-Spirited S.B. 2 Clears Senate Hurdle, All Eyes Are On the House
After Governor McCrory’s veto, a handful of members—including the Speaker—must decide whether to set North Carolina back
HRC.org
Ryan Phillippe Takes It Off In The Restored Version of “54”
You’ve waited 17 years to watch Ryan Phillippe make out with Breckin Meyer, so what’s a few more hours? The two actors shared a passionate kiss as thirsty young men on the make at Manhattan’s most notorious nightclub in the 1998 drama 54, only to have it end up on the cutting room floor. Now the make-out sesh is back, along with approximately 40 additional minutes of footage that compromised director Mark Christopher’s cinematic vision when the film was initially released.
54: The Director’s Cut will be available on Digital HD tomorrow but whet your appetites with the trailer below.
Jeremy Kinser
Lindsey Graham Wants to Be the John McCain of 2016
The longtime bachelor and Republican senator famous for saying ‘I ain’t gay’ announces his bid for the White House.
Dawn Ennis
www.advocate.com/politics/2015/06/01/lindsey-graham-wants-be-john-mccain-2016
Facebook Protesters Say Naming Policy Harms Identity — And Can Put Safety At Risk
Caitlyn Jenner is public with and proud of her new name — but using it on Facebook could have gotten her reported under the site’s current naming rules.
Approximately 100 protesters — who, like Jenner, go by a name that’s not necessarily reflected on a Social Security card or tax return — gathered Monday outside Facebook’s Silicon Valley, California, headquarters as part of the MyNameIs campaign.
Facebook members can only use what the company calls “authentic identity” — meaning names that “your friends call you in real life” that can also be backed up by certain documents, many of which must be government-issued. Users believed to be in violation of these rules can be reported to the company and their accounts can be deleted.
But, protesters say, this policy overlooks a wide-ranging group of people on Facebook, including transgender people, drag performers, domestic violence survivors and Native Americans.
“What Facebook has been incredibly slow to realize is that their name reporting system has been used as a tool of harassment and abuse, to frighten, endanger, and attempt to out thousands of people,” Cruel Valentine, a Chicago-based burlesque performer, told The Huffington Post in a message. “I understand that people on Facebook sometimes pose as others, or hide behind pseudonyms to conduct abusive behavior online, but it is so important that we distinguish between those users and folks who are just being their authentic selves.”
Trisha Fogleman, a co-organizer of the protest, agrees.
“The policy hurts identity,” she said. “It does not affect behavior.”
“As a survivor of domestic violence or [for] other people who have been bullied or harassed, it’s a safety issue,” she added. “People should should still be able to be connected to their community and be safe from their harassers.”
Valentine said her account was suspended for nearly two months because she refused to provide her legal name. Valentine, who uses her accounts for business reasons, said she received no responses from Facebook to her appeals.
“Some performers make the choice to go by their stage names and legal names interchangeably,” Valentine said. “For many of us, though, it is a matter of safety. Due to the adult nature of much of my work, it is very important that I keep my legal information separate from my public life. I’ve had experiences where fans have made attempts to gain access to my private life, and I’ve been threatened [and] stalked in the past.”
Many Native American users who incorporate animals and natural references into their name — like blogger Dana Lone Hill — are flagged on Facebook because their names sound fake to non-natives, the BBC reports.
For other vulnerable groups, like transgender youth or domestic violence survivors, obtaining official documentation of the name they wish to use for privacy reasons can be hard to come by. Unlike other social media sites like Instagram, Twitter, Ello and Google Plus, Facebook’s naming rules force some people to choose between staying connected to their community and potentially exposing themselves to their harassers and abusers.
Little Miss Hot Mess, a San Francisco-based drag performer who helped organize the protest, said the MyNameIs protest and campaign has offered Facebook three ways it can improve its naming policy.
First, ditch the option to report people for their names.
“We think that it’s obsolete. It targets identity, not bad behavior,” Little Miss Hot Mess said. “The reality is there are more direct ways of reporting bad behavior, like impersonators or harassers.”
Second, stop asking for identification. “We’re asking Facebook to get more creative,” Little Miss Hot Mess said, and suggested Facebook leverage its “trusted contacts” feature that’s already in place to help verify that a person is real.
Third, make a more clear and transparent appeals process if an account does get shut down.
“As it is now, there’s no way for a user to reach out to Facebook customer service,” Little Miss Hot Mess said. “The only option they give is if your account has been fully deactivated.”
In response to Huffington Post’s request for comment, Facebook Spokesman Andrew Souvall pointed to a post released Monday in which Executives Justin Osofsky and Monika Bickert addressed some concerns with the authentic name policy and outlined changes the company had made to its verification policy over the last year. Among other alterations, Facebook said it had updated its language to note that authentic names don’t necessarily have to be legal names — though certain proof is still required if an account is flagged.
“For various reasons, people had difficulty with the process of verification and we are sorry to anyone who has been affected by this,” they wrote. “So, in consultation with local and national LGBTQ community members and others who provided valuable suggestions and feedback, we’ve made significant improvements in response to some of their concerns.”
Attendees of the protest said the company did not meet with them during Monday’s demonstration. However, Fogleman said the Facebook Pride group did have a few tables of snacks and water set out for the protesters.
“Facebook has made great strides lately with expanding their gender identity and pronoun options, but so many of the people who would benefit most from those awesome improvements are being locked out of their accounts because some random person on the Internet thought their name didn’t sound real, or that the way they looked didn’t match up with their profile name,” Valentine said. “It’s crazy to me how progressive this company can be in one area, while remaining so ignorant in another.”
Little Miss Hot Mess said it’s crucial to remember that for many users, Facebook isn’t just a fun way to procrastinate.
“For a lot of people, it really is a lifeline to their communities and their resources — especially if they’re isolated geographically or socially. It really is the public utility of our time,” she said.
“In some ways, it’s about much more than Facebook,” she added. “It’s about setting precedence for how we identify ourselves online, how we express ourselves.”
— This feed and its contents are the property of The Huffington Post, and use is subject to our terms. It may be used for personal consumption, but may not be distributed on a website.
WATCH NOW: Exclusive Premiere of “Becoming Us”
For one-day only, HRC is bringing you the first episode of ABC Family’s new trans-focused documentary series, “Becoming Us.”
HRC.org
Justin Bieber Kisses His Bodyguard, Jessica Lange Remarks On The Caitlyn Jenner Resemblance
Lady Gaga took on Edith Piaf’s signature tune “La Vie en Rose” during her weekend concerts with vintage crooner Tony Bennett at the Hollywood Bowl and pulled it off with aplomb.
If you need more proof that Tina Fey can enliven any dull awards show, witness her smooch with Amy Schumer while presenting the younger comic with a Peabody Award for her series Inside Amy Schumer. “I really wanted to come down here tonight, and in a Madonna kind of way try to like feed off of her youth and maybe suck her soul out in a very awkward, staged lesbian kiss,” Fey shared.
Justin Bieber is so comfortable with his sexual orientation that he can plant a peck on the cheek of his bodyguard. But let him make it clear that it’s not an insult if you think he’s gay.
???????????????????? @mikeyarana I’m not gay but even if I was that’s not an insult
A video posted by Justin Bieber (@justinbieber) on May 31, 2015 at 3:12pm PDT
“That’s so wonderful,” was Jessica Lange‘s response to being informed the entire internet has remarked on her resemblance to the recently unveiled Vanity Fair portraits of Caitlyn Jenner.
Wanna see Adam Levine‘s sweet, tight little booty? We thought so. Check it out in the NSFW video for Maroon 5’s anthemic “This Summer’s Gonna Hurt Like a Motherfucker.”
Actress Betsy Palmer, who passed away over the weekend at age 88, had a long rewarding career but was undoubtedly best-known as the mother of monstrous Jason Vorhees in Friday the 13th. BroadwayWorld reports she was also “a staunch supporter of many non-profit organizations, including those involved in the fight against AIDS and in the care for AIDS patients.”
During an interview with GLAAD’s Claire Pires, Orphan Black star Tatiana Maslany got teary-eyed while explaining why she became an LGBT ally.
It’s not easy being Dolph Lundgren these days. Crazy drunk dudes hopped up on Xanax think they can just take a leak on you while you’re minding your own business on an airplane.
Feeling nostalgic for New York’s Chelsea neighborhood during its glorious ’90s heyday? Take a vivid stroll down memory lane with Kenneth in the 212.
Jeremy Kinser
Caitlyn Jenner Receives Outpouring Of Celebrity Support on Twitter
Caitlyn Jenner’s official unveiling today on the cover of Vanity Fair is already receiving an outpouring of support from celebrities across the Twitterverse including the Kardashians and Jenner’s two daughters.
be free now pretty bird.
— Kendall Jenner (@KendallJenner) June 1, 2015
Caitlyn Jenner for Vanity Fair 📷 Annie Leibovitz! How beautiful! Be happy, be proud, live life YOUR way! pic.twitter.com/39fryBwUqE
— Kim Kardashian West (@KimKardashian) June 1, 2015
We were given this life because you were strong enough to live it! I couldn’t be prouder!!! Caitlyn,… t.co/Ho5O6swM0V
— Khloé (@khloekardashian) June 1, 2015
Jenner also received wide support from her fellow LGBT public leaders and celebrities including Janet Mock, Jesse Tyler Ferguson and Ellen Degeneres.
Let’s celebrate Caitlyn & use her moment to uplift trans folks facing insurmountable economic barriers for affirming healthcare.
— Janet Mock (@janetmock) June 1, 2015
My hope for the world is that we can all be as brave as @Caitlyn_Jenner. pic.twitter.com/WlJmAjv4iv
— Ellen DeGeneres (@TheEllenShow) June 1, 2015
#CaitlynJenner has truly broken the Internet. What a moment.
— Jesse Tyler Ferguson (@jessetyler) June 1, 2015
Jenner’s new Twitter account has grown exponentially, reaching one million followers in as little as four hours. Jenner’s account broke the record set by President Obama’s Twitter account that reached one million followers in four hours and 30 minutes on the first day his profile launched.
Anthony Costello
www.towleroad.com/2015/06/caitlyn-jenner-receives-outpouring-of-celebrity-support-on-twitter.html