10 Things We’re Thankful For This Thanksgiving

Hello, you turkeys! Thanksgiving is coming up, our annual celebration of gluttony and colonization and 2pm dinners. What are you planning to cook? Leave your favorite recipes in the comments, where absolutely everyone will read them.

It’s also that time of the year when inevitably, one jerk won’t let anyone eat until everyone goes around the table and says what they’re thankful for, and everyone else goes “awww.” It’s the worst!

So don’t be caught unprepared this year! We’ve compiled a list of ten things you can be thankful for, just in case some nosy nelly asks.

1. Butts

Seriously, this is #1 on our list of things to be thankful for. And frankly, #1 on almost any other list we compile. Butts are so great, you guys. You can sit on them, or use them as pillows, or slap ‘em around, or use them to display a bouquet. That pretty much covers all of their uses, right?

2. Marriage equality

Oh, right, this is pretty great thing to have happened in 2014. We won approximately eight billion court cases so far this year, and now most of us live in states where we can get married. Three cheers to all the pioneering gay couples who bravely fought for equality, and to the lawyers and activists and organizers and allies who made it possible. Whether it was Frank Kameny holding protests in the ’70s, or Andrew Sullivan agitating in the pages of The New Republic in the ’80s, or Dan Foley litigating the Hawaii case in the ’90s, or Molly McKay leading parades in a wedding dress in the 2000s, or Edie Windsor prevailing at the Supreme Court just last year, we have countless heroes to thank for their work over the decades.

3. Obamacare

Sure, the Affordable Care Act isn’t perfect. There’s still plenty of work to be done before America’s health care is on par with the rest of the world. But imagine how screwed we’d be without it! Pre-Obamacare, insurers were allowed to deny coverage to you simply for being gay. Chronic conditions like AIDS were subject to lifetime limits, which meant your coverage could evaporate just when you need it most. Insurers weren’t required to provide no-cost preventative screening for conditions for which LGBTs are particularly susceptible, like depression. Thanks, Obama!

4. Packages

Special delivery! There’s nothing better than receiving a package from a special friend. Or even from a stranger. And even if it isn’t addressed to you, it’s hard to look away when you spot a nice big one. Unwrapping them is such a pleasure, whether they have a fresh newly-packed fragrance or the musty aroma of having spent long hours in storage. And just to be clear, we’re referring to getting a box of pens in the mail from Amazon.

5. Pups & Handlers

We have no idea why, but pup play seems to be having something of a surge in popularity, and we couldn’t be more thrilled.

We can’t remember a time when we’ve seen so many collars and leashes at our local gay bars, not to mention masks and mitts and the occasional tail plug. Good boys!

6. Lumbersexuals

Although this term will become stale and annoying even faster than “metrosexual,” we are delighted nonetheless to see more flannel and beards and suspenders than ever before. Don’t get us wrong: we love our fancy sissies, too. But we’re swooning over the current trend of rugged mountain men. It’s OK if you’ve never actually swung an ax, trapped an opossum, or bathed in a crick. Just grow out that facial hair, knit a chunky knit cap, and revel in your burly beefy physique.

7. Sissies

Hey Mary. You practically invented sissying your walk, and we wouldn’t have it any other way. You look fabulous in bright pink lipstick, your shorts are so short you’re basically a walking wedgie, and you’ll never bore us by broaching the topic of football. And most importantly, sissies were on the vanguard of LGBT liberation before RuPaul even wore her first heel. Sissies are heroes and we worship every single one of them.

8. Stephen Fry

Stephen continues to teach us everything we need to know about how to be a delightful homosexual. Funny and smart, polite but firm, he is an international treasure. America has John Hodgman, Britain has Stephen Fry. Maybe 2015 will be the year they make a baby.

9. Tomefoolery

Have you been listening to avowed homosexual Cody Melcher’s literary podcast? Every week he and some comedian friends talk about a weird book, and it is consistently our favorite thing ever. We already love geeking out over books, but Cody has opened up a whole new world by introducing us to such bizarre tomes as A Christian Guide to the Sexual Marketplace and The Big Book of Lesbian Horse Stories and of course Pink Swastika.

10. Gay Fantasy

If you’re reading this, it means that you’ve managed to pull yourself away from Dragon Age: Inquisition, the latest in a string of masterpieces from Bioware and openly gay designer/writer David Gaider. The Dragon Age games have long featured queer content, but the newest installment features its gayest character yet: Dorian, an elemental mage who is the company’s first gay (not bi) party member. The franchise has previously featured a bisexual elf, but that’s not such a big deal because everyone knows that all elves are bisexual. Let the shipping begin!

matt baume

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Rejected: The Struggles of Dating With HIV
As a reluctant HIV-positive activist, I am often bombarded with the secret misgivings of closeted HIV-positive men from across the country. No matter how much or how little they know about HIV or how short or how long they have been living with the virus, there seems to be only one singular concern on their mind: They are afraid of being rejected by a potential love interest because of their HIV status. These boys are looking for answers, but they are afraid of the one they might get.

You are going to be rejected.

It is true, and it is going to happen eventually. Someone is going to shut you down before they get to know you because you are living with HIV. It sucks, it isn’t fair, and there is nothing that you can do about how they feel.

But maybe you think you can overshadow the fear that your potential mate has of HIV. You think that you can charm someone with your personality and dazzle your date with your dashing good looks so much that they just won’t be able to let you go, HIV status be damned. You think maybe if you wait a couple of beats before disclosing your status, they will get to know you and look past your HIV symbol. You speak softly and explain that it doesn’t make a difference, that your viral load is undetectable, that it is totally safe.

But make no mistake: If he is the kind of guy who would shut you down before a first date, it doesn’t matter how cute you are or how hard he laughs at your jokes. There are some people who are either blindly fearful of anything in the gay community with a plus sign attached to it or, for whatever reason, shallow enough to reject you because of the social stigma that comes with the package. Either way, you might as well be reciting the national anthem of Ethiopia, because his ears turned off the second you said “HIV.”

REJECTED.

It is hard to accept that some people are unwilling to give you a chance because of something that you cannot change. But there is something you can do about how you react to it.

Stop equating rejection with loss.

You didn’t lose anything, and you most certainly saved the time you would have wasted on a guy who wasn’t right for you. Whether you are HIV-positive or not, the first step to having a healthy outlook on love and relationships is to realize that you are happier by yourself than miserable with the wrong man.

Everyone gets rejected, whether you are HIV-positive, too short, not short enough, too quiet, too loud, a slob, a clean freak, too attached to your mom, not attached enough, whatever. It doesn’t matter. You most likely have voided a relationship for a reason as shallow as an HIV status before, and you will most likely do it again. The key is to do it without malice, to be respectful of other people for who they are, and to not hold it against someone for not wanting you.

Now, regarding the whole “love” thing: People fall in love with those who have love for themselves. You may not realize it, but you already have a boyfriend, and he is staring right back at you in the mirror. If you are constantly wondering whether you will ever find love again and think of yourself as a lost cause, you need to slap yourself right across the face, because you are the worst boyfriend you could have. And guess what? The guy you have a date with is going to notice.

If you can’t treat yourself with the respect you deserve, you can never expect anyone else to respect you, much less want to call you his boyfriend. Conversely, self-respect and self-love have ways of placing you in just the right place to meet the one who is right for you.

The only way to ever be sure if he is the right man for you is to be certain that you aren’t with him just because you are worried he might be the last one who would want the job. You should be with him because he truly makes you happy and you don’t have a problem with walking away if that ever changes.

Rejection is a part of life, and, if exercised properly, it can be a healthy and affirmative practice. You should reject anyone who makes you feel as if you aren’t good enough. You should reject the notion that you aren’t deserving of happiness, love and nothing less than fireworks. Most importantly, you should reject the notion that anyone worth your time could possibly reject you for being HIV-positive.

Fall in love with yourself, then get your ass out there and meet someone worth it.

www.huffingtonpost.com/tyler-curry/rejected-the-struggles-of-dating-with-hiv_b_6226014.html?utm_hp_ref=gay-voices&ir=Gay+Voices