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Kenyan Paper Shamed for Its 'Top Gays' List
Online commenters are rejecting the newspaper’s homophobic list, and coming out on the side of the LGBT activists outed.
Thom Senzee
www.advocate.com/politics/media/2015/05/14/kenyan-paper-shamed-its-top-gays-list
Dry Cleaner Trashes Gay Man’s Throw Pillow, Calls Him “Buggerer” And “Sodomite”
It all started with a torn throw pillow.
Byron Batista says he dropped off four decorative throw pillows to be professionally laundered at Rosali Cleaners in North Hollywood. When he returned a few days later, three of the pillows had been cleaned but the fourth was torn.
Naturally, Batista complained to the owner. That’s when things got ugly. According to Batista, the owner “blamed me and said I tore them apart all the while running around behind her counter, flipping me off and pretending to stick her finger in her backside.”
Related: Five Disgraced Business Owners Who Learned That Homophobia Just Doesn’t Sell
Batista wasted no time taking the woman to small claims court, where a judge ruled in his favor. The dry cleaner was ordered to pay $75 for damaging the throw pillow.
That should have been the end of things. But when Batista received his check, it was made out to “Byron ‘the buggerer’ Batista.” (In case you didn’t know, Buggerer is an 18th-century term for sodomite.)
“I went back to court and showed the judge,” Batista told Frontiers in an interview. “He sent her out another letter asking her for a cashiers check with the proper spelling.”
Here’s what he received:
And that’s when Batista decided to go to the press with his story.
He says he wants to “let our community know that they should not spend their money there.”
“People like her need to be exposed.”
Related: Business As Usual? How 8 Anti-Gay Companies Are Measuring Up
Graham Gremore
6 Questions On How Life Ball Fights Stigma
Gery Keszler, founder of one of the largest and most glamorous AIDS fundraising
events worldwide, on the ongoing mission to fight stigma.
Advocate Contributors
www.advocate.com/health/daily-dose/2015/05/14/6-questions-how-life-ball-fights-stigma
Laramie, Wyoming Passes Anti-Discrimination Measure To Protect Gays In Housing, The Workplace
LARAMIE, Wyo. (AP) — When Matthew Shepard was beaten, tied to a fence and left for dead nearly 20 years ago, his murder became a rallying cry in the gay rights movement.
Other states adopted stricter laws against violence and discrimination, and Congress passed hate crimes legislation bearing Shepard’s name.
Yet in Wyoming, advocates have tried unsuccessfully for years statewide to pass protections for gays in housing and the workplace. They finally scored a victory Wednesday after trying a different approach: a local ordinance in the college town where Shepard was killed.
The Laramie City Council on Wednesday approved a local anti-discrimination ordinance. It voted 7-2 in favor of the measure that prohibits discrimination based on sexual orientation and gender identity in housing, employment and access to public facilities such as restaurants.
“What a day for Wyoming, and what a day for the city that became synonymous with Matthew Shepard’s murder to now step up and do this right thing,” said Jeran Artery, head of the group Wyoming Equality, which has lobbied for anti-discrimination measures at the state Legislature.
“And I would really encourage other communities across the state to follow Laramie’s lead,” Artery said.
Local organizers focused their efforts on Laramie after the Legislature repeatedly rejected anti-discrimination bills, most recently early this year. The Laramie Nondiscrimination Task Force presented a draft ordinance to the City Council last summer.
Rep. Cathy Connolly, D-Laramie, is a lesbian and a professor in the Women’s Studies Program at the University of Wyoming. She has pushed legislation repeatedly to try to pass an anti-discrimination bill at the state level.
“I wasn’t going to get up and say anything tonight, but I decided I have to,” Connolly said at Wednesday’s meeting. “I’m so proud to be a resident of Wyoming tonight, and a member of this community.”
Laramie Mayor Dave Paulekas spoke in favor of the amendment before the council vote.
“To me, this is about treating people fairly, it’s about treating people the way I would want to be treated, the way we all expect to be treated,” Paulekas said. “And it’s nothing more than that, in my mind.”
Paulekas said that if Laramie wants to see economic development, it has to be aware that high-tech firms are going to look at how the city treats its citizens.
Councilors Joe Vitale and Bryan Shuster cast the only no-votes against the ordinance. Both said they were concerned that the ordinance would trample on city residents’ religious freedoms.
“Enactment of this ordinance will result in discrimination complaints filed against business owners who are simply trying to run their business consistent with their faith,” Vitale said. The council rejected his suggestion that it postpone action on the matter until next year to give the U.S. Supreme Court and the Wyoming Legislature more time to act on the issue.
Judy Shepard, Matt Shepard’s mother, is active in a Denver-based foundation that bears her son’s name and focuses on equality issues.
“I’m thrilled that Laramie’s doing it, at the same time sort of saddened that the state of Wyoming can’t see fit to do that as well,” Shepard told The Associated Press in a telephone interview from Washington, D.C., Wednesday before the council vote. “Maybe the rest of Wyoming will understand this is about fellow human beings and not something that’s other than what they are.”
Shepard said some people are still under the misconception that what happened to her son is typical of what happens in Wyoming.
“But I feel like if Wyoming had done more to open the door to acceptance, that kind of reputation would have disappeared very quickly,” said Shepard, herself a Wyoming resident. “Instead of taking advantage of the moment, they just sort of turned around and ran.”
Gov. Matt Mead, a Republican, last year went to court to defend Wyoming’s gay marriage ban before federal court rulings from other states blocked the state from further action.
And a handful of Wyoming lawmakers this spring filed a brief urging the nation’s highest court to reject same-sex marriage on the grounds that forcing states to accept it would violate other citizens’ free-speech rights.
Rep. Kendell Kroeker, R-Evansville, voted against the anti-discrimination bill this year and was among those who endorsed the U.S. Supreme Court brief.
“I suppose it’s their right as a city,” Kroeker said of Laramie’s proposal. But he noted such measures grant special privileges to one group over another — an idea he doesn’t support.
Asked about his thoughts on such an ordinance passing in the city where Shepard was killed, Kroeker said: “The Matt Shepard case was a tragedy, but I don’t see how an anti-discrimination ordinance would have stopped somebody from committing that heinous crime.”
— This feed and its contents are the property of The Huffington Post, and use is subject to our terms. It may be used for personal consumption, but may not be distributed on a website.
The Gays Are Preparing To Take Long Beach By Storm
‘Tis the season! Gay Pride season, that is.
The GayCities 2015 Pride Guides presented by AT&T are officially here. Check out what’s happening in your city this year, and see what’s going on in other cities you might visit all around the world.
Pride has already kicked off in Tampa, Miami, and Phoenix. Long Beach is next up. This weekend, men, women, and drag queens alike will gather along Shoreline Drive for the festivities, which will include performances by Salt N Pepa and Patti LaBelle. Then, of course, there will be the parade stepping off in Bixby Park on Sunday morning. This year’s Grand Marshals and honorees include Mayor Robert Garcia, Angela Madsen and Chiquis.
Check out these images from previous Long Beach Pride parades, and stay tuned for photos from this year’s celebration.
Check out all the great Long Beach events leading up to and around this weekend’s Long Beach Pride
Photo credits: Roger Howard, dustinpsmith
Graham Gremore
#TBT: The Hardy Boys and the Mystery of the Hidden Message
Yes, we are going to make gay double entendres about revered American icons. We’re readers, and patriots.
Christopher Harrity
www.advocate.com/comedy/2015/05/14/tbt-hardy-boys-and-mystery-hidden-message
The 10 Most Dangerous Phrases In A Relationship
You’re on your best behavior when you first start dating someone: polite to a fault, quick to suggest sharing dessert (later, you enter “order your own!” territory), and really, truly careful about what you say.
Then, somewhere down the line, you get comfortable. A little more loose-lipped. You say things you don’t mean.
An apology generally goes a long way, but some things said in the heat of the moment may be irreversibly damaging to your relationship. Below, 10 phrases you should banish from your argument arsenal.
1. Anything that begins with “you always” or “you never.”
There’s no hope of having a productive conversation once you or your S.O. makes sweeping accusations against each other, said Virginia Gilbert, licensed marriage and family therapist.
“Uttering these words will immediately put the other person on the defensive. Instead of getting what you want, the two of you will spend the rest of the evening — or the rest of your relationship — debating who’s right. Instead, use ‘I’ statements. For instance, ‘I feel that I’m usually the one to say ‘I love you’ and it would make me feel good if you could say it first sometimes.’ Keeping the focus on your needs instead of pointing out your partner’s shortcomings — as glaring as they may be — invites an opportunity for positive change.”
2. “Why do you want to do that? You never used to like to [fill in the blank].”
Healthy, long-lasting relationships involve two people who are able to grow together. You’re different people than the ones you were when you first met, so don’t freak out or assume there’s some ulterior motive if your partner changes his or her habits.
“You each need room to grow,” said relationship author and divorce attorney Christina Pesoli. “Just as you wouldn’t be threatened by him updating his wardrobe or growing a beard, you shouldn’t be threatened when he updates his hobbies, either. Developing a new interest isn’t a threat to your relationship, but your refusal to allow him or her to do so is. If you’re with someone who never tries anything new, your relationship will eventually grow stale. So as long as he’s not talking about learning to cook meth or joining ISIS, try embracing his new hobbies.”
3. “You’re overreacting!”
Related, equally annoying-as-hell phrases include: “You’re being too sensitive.” “Don’t get so defensive!” “Calm down.” Let one of these sentences slip and you’ll more than likely find yourself in the proverbial dog house, said William J. Doherty, Ph.D., professor of family social science at the University of Minnesota.
“Saying this is a favorite of men trying to get women to stop being upset,” he said. “It’s never worked in human history, but why not keep trying? The problem is that when in the midst of being upset, no one thinks their feelings are unjustified, and thus they feel unheard and put down. It would make anyone madder.”
4. “Mmmhmm. Mmmhmm. Wait — what did you say?”
Think you’ve mastered the art of scrolling through Instagram while pretending to listen to your S.O. talk? Think again.
“Eventually, your partner will conclude that you’re not all that interested in what he has to say — and it’s hard to argue with that,” Pesoli said. “Talking to someone who doesn’t really care about what you’re saying can be hard on the ol’ self esteem — especially when that someone is your significant other. Being too busy to listen every once in a while is understandable. Being too busy to listen all the time is a relationship killer.”
5. “I told you so.”
What, you thought we’d get through this list without including this classic example?
“Say ‘I told you so’ one too many times and pretty soon, resentment sets in,” dating expert Marina Sbrochi said. “No one likes to be thought of as dumb. Try empathy instead and see how your relationship grows.”
6. “Not tonight (or tomorrow night, or any night), honey.”
You and your partner aren’t always going to be on the same page when it comes to sex. You each should absolutely feel free to say, “Not really in the mood after that brick-sized carnitas burrito.” But you don’t want “not tonight, not ever” to become the norm.
“Defaulting to ‘not tonight’ is a bad habit to form,” said Pesoli. “Physical intimacy is what makes your relationship with your significant other different than any of your other relationships; otherwise, the two of you are just roommates who may or may not have kids together. If the fire goes out in the bedroom, there’s no question that your relationship will be in peril. Making a little effort to have sex with your S.O. is almost always a good idea.”
7. “What’s wrong with you?”
Below-the-belt personal attacks have no place in a healthy, loving relationship. Your goal should be to prop your partner up and be his or her cheerleader in hard times, not to bring them down.
“If you find yourself saying something like ‘Are you that stupid?’ ‘What kind of a parent does that?’ or ‘You’re just like your mother,’ you need to cease and desist,” said marriage therapist Becky Whetstone.
8. “I don’t believe you.”
There are bound to be times when you suspect your partner is bending the truth a bit — or a lot. It’s how you relay your skepticism that will move you closer to discovering the whole story.
“Maybe you really do suspect he or she has feelings for someone else, for instance, but there’s a better way to go about it than accusing your partner of lying,” said Doherty. “Saying ‘I don’t believe you’ is inflammatory and almost always backfires. A better version is this: ‘I’m having trouble believing you are telling me the whole story.'”
9. “I want a divorce.”
When you threaten to breakup or divorce, you’re pulling out the big guns . You may have deep regrets about saying it later, but the damage is done. As idle as the threat may be, the message to your partner is loud and clear: you already have one foot out the door. And who wants to be in a relationship like that?
“Simply put, it’s emotional blackmail,” said Whetstone. “If what you say has a tone of ‘if you don’t do this, you’ll pay or I’ll leave,’ it’s eventually going to take a toll on your partner.”
10. “If you really loved me, you’d…”
Nope. Stop right there. Your partner shouldn’t ever feel pressured to do something he or she doesn’t want to do to prove his or her love for you.
“There’s nothing like guilt combined with a stealthy ultimatum to drain the love right out of a relationship,” said Gilbert. “Instead of trying to manipulate your partner, be transparent about what you want: ‘I miss spending time with you and I’d like to have a regular date night’ is a direct, non-confrontational approach that’s far more likely to get you the love you want than holding your partner hostage emotionally.”
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— This feed and its contents are the property of The Huffington Post, and use is subject to our terms. It may be used for personal consumption, but may not be distributed on a website.
Blame Islam, Not Christianity, For Antigay Wedding Cake Bakers, Rush Limbaugh Says
Radio host and religious extremist Rush Limbaugh has a word of advice to Christian bakers who are opposed to making gay wedding cakes: Blame Islam.
“Gay marriage is really disapproved in Islam,” Limbaugh recently blabbered on his radio program. “Gay marriage, homosexual behavior is not tolerated, it is not permitted, and it is punished severely when it is caught, when it’s spied.”
“And yet,” he continued, “in American media all over the place we are celebrating gay marriage, we are flaunting gay marriage, and I ask, does this not also offend Muslims?”
Related: Gay Muslim Risks Death Filming Secret Documentary On Pilgrimage To Mecca
Based on that logic, Limbaugh believes he’s come up with the perfect solution for the next time an antigay baker is asked to make a gay wedding cake.
“Instead of telling the gay couple that you refuse to bake the cake for their wedding because you disapprove of homosexuality,” he said, “you should now say you are not going to bake a cake for the gay wedding because you fear Muslim backlash.”
This is not satire. He really believes what he says, it seems.
Better yet, he said, tell them you cannot bake a cake “due to your respect of Islam.”
“Any of you small business owners who think you’re gonna get a visit from a gay couple asking you for your product or service at a gay wedding just say, ‘Nah, nah, nah, we refuse because of our respect of Islam. We can’t.’ Don’t say anything about your religion. Don’t say anything about it’s your religion that prevents you from doing it. Say it’s Islam.”
Related: Elton John Reveals The Reason For His Controversial Relationship With Rush Limbaugh
Graham Gremore
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