Op-ed: Don't Count Your Justices Until They've Ruled

Some might be ready to rest on their laurels with a Supreme Court hearing this spring concerning marriage equality, but now is not the time to quit.

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Evan Wolfson

www.advocate.com/commentary/2015/02/13/op-ed-dont-count-your-justices-until-theyve-ruled

What other love are we missing out on?

A few weeks ago, I was putting away our holiday cards – the majority of which were photocards. Some were cute, funny, and others depicted the growing families of some of our closest friends. I wanted the kids to jump out of the card so I could hug them or teach them how to be great Scrabble players.

There was one in particular I just held in my hand and couldn’t quite put away. It was a picture of a friend – an accomplished academic and administrator at one of the top universities in the world – and his husband and their two children. Two siblings – one boy and one girl – both of whom had come to live as foster kids with Jay and his husband, David. And before long, all four were gobsmacked with love, leading them to venture through the long and official process of becoming one big, happy adopted family – for life.

As I looked at the card, I was struck by all the smiles, the fun, the silliness and the deep care seen by all four of them. There was something really special about this card, something way deeper than the rest. On the backside of the card were pictures of the kids with their grandparents and extended family members, as if they had always known each other. It was meant to be. It was one of the most joyful families I had ever seen. But there was something else that made me want to hold onto this card.

When I spoke to Jay, he said, ‘Who would have thought after 50 that instead of thinking about retirement or at least wondering when I was going to take the pedal off the career accelerator, I would instead become: a Dad.” We agreed, the kid chapter was simply the best chapter of our lives.

Yet for me, it was much more straightforward – I mean, I was raised Catholic for starters, married and pregnant by my mid-twenties. But the U.S. was a different place back then, even if Jay had wanted all those things, society and the law were not as favorable as they are becoming today. Two men getting married, let alone adopting kids, was simply unheard of.

And who were the big losers? I thought, as I kept staring at this card.

The kids of course!

And the parents who had so much to give and get from hugging and yes, even enforcing homework assignments.

But in the grand scheme of things our communities and country in many ways had been the big losers. And how stupid was that. Almost 400,000 kids in the U.S. are without a permanent family. Globally, almost 18 million children live on the streets or in orphanages – most of us would weep if our kids were confined to that life.

So, as we prepare our Valentines and bake our cakes, as I hold the card a little longer, I think we should look around and ask ourselves: who today are we not allowing into our hearts and our communities because of fear or uncertainty?

Because traditional families are evolving and hopefully, only getting better.

Pictured above is Jay Stowsky and David Kerr with their two children.

Read more from Maura O’Neill and check out her blog, Our Simple Truths, and her Facebook page.

www.huffingtonpost.com/maura-o/what-other-love-are-we-mi_b_6676134.html?utm_hp_ref=gay-voices&ir=Gay+Voices

Why Are STDs Running Rampant In The Deep South?

Boys, if you’re planning on traveling to New Orleans for Mardi Gras this month, be smart about it.

According to recently released  figures from the Centers for Disease Control, Louisiana has the second highest rate of STDs in the nation, with fifty percent of new infections occurring between the ages of 15-24.

In fact, the South is leading the nation in new cases sexually transmitted diseases, according to the report, which is based on 2013 numbers. Eight of the 11 states with the highest rates of chlamydia, gonorrhea and syphilis were located in the Southeast. (The CDC didn’t include new stats for HIV/AIDS.) Researchers believe bans on comprehensive sex education plus lack of funding for STD testing are fueling the southern dominance of new infections.

Close to 20 million new infections are reported in the U.S. every year. But that’s only a tiny fraction of existing cases. The actual number is probably closer to 110 million. Many people (90 million to be precise) either don’t realize they’re infected or don’t seek medical help.

“STDs are hidden epidemics of enormous health and economic consequence in the United States,” the CDC stated. “They are hidden because many Americans are reluctant to address sexual health issues in an open way and because of the biologic and social characteristics of these diseases.”

In 2013, there were 1,401,906 reported cases of chlamydia. Alaska, Mississippi, Louisiana, South Carolina, and Alabama lead the nation with the most new infections.

There were also 333,004 reported cases of gonorrhea, with Louisiana, Mississippi, Alabama, North Carolina, and South Carolina leading the charge.

And there were 17,375 reported cases of syphilis, with Louisiana, Maryland, Georgia, Illinois, and Florida reporting the most new cases.

The CDC also noted an increase in syphilis among gay and bisexual men.

“If you are a sexually active man who is gay, bisexual, or has sex with men, you should request tests for syphilis, chlamydia, gonorrhea, and HIV at least once a year,” the CDC recommended. “More frequent STD testing is recommended if you are a pregnant woman, you should request for men at high risk.”

So what’s the deal?

Some speculate it may have to do with higher rates of poverty and lower levels of education.

According to the National Coalition of STD Directors, in Louisiana, almost 18 percent of people were living below the poverty line in 2011. The same year, Louisiana also ranked as the unhealthiest state in the country.

On top of that, Louisiana doesn’t require sex ed be taught in schools. If a local school district decides to teach it, the law mandates that educators promote abstinence over contraceptives.

Because everyone knows that works.

Related stories:

STUDY: Cheaters More Likely To Get STDs Than Couples In Open Relationships

Guess Which STD Now Kills More People Than AIDS

Syphilis Infections On The Rise In The Gay Community

Graham Gremore

feedproxy.google.com/~r/queerty2/~3/Yfluci4Ujxc/why-are-stds-running-rampant-in-the-deep-south-20150213

What the Supreme Court Can Learn From Ted Cruz
In what appears to be a new annual tradition, U.S. Sen. Ted Cruz (R-Texas) is celebrating the week leading up to Valentine’s Day by reintroducing a bill that would penalize married same-sex couples who move to his home state or any other state that does not recognize same-sex marriages for state purposes.

Cruz’s bill would require federal authorities to treat as single any same-sex spouse living in any of the 13 such states, thus disqualifying them from 1,000 different marriage-related benefits in areas ranging from Social Security to federal taxes to copyright to veterans’ benefits. Most cruelly, if a gay woman in, say, Texas were to marry someone from another country, Cruz’s bill would require her to pick up and move to a state that recognizes same-sex marriage in order for her wife or stepchildren to immigrate to the United States.

As a Canadian-born U.S. citizen, Sen. Cruz should be intimately aware of how important family status is under U.S. immigration and nationality law. In fact, the vast majority of legal immigrants to the United States qualify on the basis of family relationships.

Sen. Cruz claims to be concerned that federal recognition of same-sex marriages is interfering with each state’s right to define marriage for itself, but clearly, his real problem is with a federal definition of marriage that he personally dislikes.

I say this because the anti-gay definition of marriage in the Defense of Marriage Act (DOMA) required federal officials to ignore same-sex marriages even in states where they were celebrated, yet Cruz never had a problem with this apparent infringement on states’ rights before the U.S. Supreme Court gutted DOMA in United States v. Windsor. In fact, he once defended DOMA against “specious” attacks citing states’ rights. Now just such an argument is so important to him that he’d force Edie Windsor (the plaintiff in the Supreme Court case) to pay $363,053 more in federal estate taxes if she were to move from New York to Texas, and any gay Texan who marries a Spaniard to move to a state like Virginia if they want to live together.

The meaning of “equal protection” under the U.S. Constitution is highly disputed in general. Yet the idea that a U.S. citizen should have to migrate to another state in order to live together with his husband and children seems to be an example of what Justice Kennedy might call “a denial of equal protection of the laws in the most literal sense.”

Fortunately, Sen. Cruz’s “State Marriage Defense Act” is unlikely to become law anytime soon. Yet it is a good example of the kind of chaotic reaction the U.S. Supreme Court eventually could unleash if it upheld anti-gay state marriage laws in the case it will hear later this term. Justice Kennedy and Justice Roberts, are you listening?

www.huffingtonpost.com/scott-titshaw/what-the-supreme-court-ca_b_6669144.html?utm_hp_ref=gay-voices&ir=Gay+Voices

Embracing Gender Nonconformity in a McDonald's Parking Lot (VIDEO)

I’m From Driftwood is a 501(c)(3) nonprofit archive for lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, and queer stories. New stories are posted on the site every Wednesday.

For some people, like Jacob Tobia, choosing between “male” and “female” is too restricting. Gender, as Jacob learned at a conference while in high school, should be more fun than that:

I had never thought about gender as something fun before. And I went into school the next day, or the next week, and talked to some of my friends who were also organizing in the GSA with me — the gay-straight alliance. And I talked to them, like, “I learned all these things at this conference! I learned that gender is this spectrum, not this binary, that you can play with gender, and I think we should encourage the people at our school to do that!”

To help the rest of the school experience the world beyond “he” and “she,” Jacob and some friends decided to organize a “Gender-Nonconforming Day” with the GSA, leading them and their straight male friend on a quest to buy heels:

We went to Charlotte Russe, and we go into the store, and it’s an all-women’s store, so immediately I’m terrified. And so we’re sort of breezing past all this various anxiety and the other shoppers, and we go to the clearance rack of shoes. I find a size-10 pair of black-leather pumps that are about five inches. I grab them off the shelf, and I try them on, and they hurt like hell, and getting my feet in them is a big challenge, but they went on. And they were the only pair of shoes in the whole store that went on my feet.

Even though the heels were weird and too small, it was time to learn the catwalk — in the parking lot of a McDonald’s:

[W]e have this kind of runway-coaching moment in the parking lot of this McDonald’s in North Raleigh. And I’m pretty sure I was terrible, but I can’t decide if I was terrible just because I wasn’t that good and had to get used to them, or if I was just so giddy that I couldn’t focus.

Though it might have been a little embarrassing and awkward at the time, Jacob only has words of encouragement for his younger self:

I wish I could show myself at 13 who I am now and be like, “You’re going to wear gowns! You’re not just going to wear heels; you’re not just going to paint your nails once; you’re not just going to put your mom’s lipstick on. You are going to wear a gown at a fancy event, and at a dinner, and you’re going to turn heads in it. That’s what’s in store for you, kid. Just embrace this faster. Don’t be afraid of it. Love it.”

What do you think about genderqueer identity and gender nonconformity? Watch the full video below and leave your thoughts in the comments.

WATCH:

For more stories, visit I’m From Driftwood, the LGBTQ Story Archive.

www.huffingtonpost.com/nathan-manske/embracing-gender-nonconformity-in-a-mcdonalds-parking-lot_b_6665784.html?utm_hp_ref=gay-voices&ir=Gay+Voices