LGBT CATHOLIC
Monthly Archives: February 2015
Black. Male. Educator. Unicorn.
Black. Male. Educator. Unicorn.
I was a ninth grade English-Language Arts teacher in Washington, DC when I overheard an intensifying debate between two students about the existence of unicorns.
“There ain’t no such thing… it’s made up.”
“How do you know they never existed? The idea had to come from somewhere.”
As I made a mental note to do a lesson on double-negatives, my philosophical training compelled me to turn this conversation into a teachable moment. There are many things that we have little physical evidence to prove exist, but still believe in. That we can imagine something is aligned with the power of ideas that give rise to many inventions. Someone imagined the creature we call a unicorn, and the thought of something so mystical and alluring has “existed” in our public consciousness ever since.
As a black, queer, and pro-feminist teacher who was straight-passing, it struck me that I didn’t yet “exist” in the world of p-12 education. I didn’t talk about my partner, my friends, or social and civic passions connected to my queer identity. Students and other teachers had no evidence to prove I existed.
I held great anxiety about putting forth into the world the idea of strong black men as teachers – men who are effective, concerned about their students and their achievement, and hold all the complexity, diversity, and nuance that span the human experience.
It’s been nearly 10 years since I overheard that conversation, but I’ve been thinking about it a lot in light of the “Race, Class, Gender, and Sexual Orientation in the Classroom” discussions I’ve been leading nationally as Managing Director of Teach For America’s LGBTQ Initiative. Why didn’t I feel it was ok to be myself in the classroom? Was it because I had no black male educators in my own p-12 experience (despite attending schools with substantial black student populations)? Was it because as a student I searched daily for signs of myself in literature and history only to be reminded of my invisibility? Was it because even when I was a teacher myself, I was always among just one or other two black male educators in my school–a microcosm of our national dearth, with less than two percent of U.S. teachers identifying as black males.
I knew that seeing me in the classroom might be the only time some students have interaction with a black male teacher; and that giving my best and making a positive impression might impact the way they saw black men going forward. When I considered the countless negative media portrayals of black men in the media and on television, it deepened the purpose and passion with which I taught.
And I also understood that for some of my black boys I taught, I was the closest thing to a father figure they had. This need for strong black role models was an ever-present expectation, but I didn’t know if there was room in this construct for my LGBTQ identity.
As a cis-gender, masculine black man, it was clear that too much talk about my pro-feminist leanings or “coming out,” would somehow make me vulnerable; that revealing that I was a long time HIV survivor would be considered a distraction to teaching. But I felt weak, and vulnerable, and not very strong at times for holding this black male heteronormative expectation while internalizing the fear and shame that comes when you’re conscientiously hiding aspects of yourself that others aren’t asked to.
There are aspects of ourselves that we are encouraged never to reveal; but I’m not a unicorn. I’m a man. I’m a black man. I’m a black male teacher. I’m a good, queer, black male teacher who is not quite as good when I feel it must be kept a secret.
I eventually did come out to my students in after two students I coached on the basketball team got into an argument where the “f” word was passed around as liberally as the ball itself. It was second semester and I knew the rapport with my students was strong. They knew that I valued and loved them; and that I held high expectations of them both inside and outside of the classroom. So I wasn’t going to let this word fly. The word hurt not just me, but other students in the class who were LGBTQ or had same-sex parents.
“Nobody in here is gay, so why does it matter?!”
And therein was the perfect invitation. I let the students know that as a “gay” man I was personally hurt by the comments.
“Coach is gay!”
Mouths dropped. A few students applauded. The buzz lasted for a few of the remaining periods during the day.
But it was never an issue after. Students still turned in homework and asked for extra credit. Athletes I coached still had line drills. The world did not collapse because a unicorn of a man showed up. In that moment, a strong black man stepped up to speak truth to power.
Weeks later a new student entered my class. When he let that “f”-word slip, one of the young men I’d reprimanded before beat me to the punch.
“Yo man, we don’t do that here.”
“Oh… I’m sorry dude.”
And that is when I knew that beyond etymology and sentence diagramming and outlining, beyond how to set screens or block out for rebounds, I’d imparted a very valuable lesson to my students. Everyone deserved a safe space in which they could learn. Who better to impart this sense of compassion and affirmation than a strong, black man? Queer too. Maybe even a bit unicorn.
College Bans Gay Sexing Because It’s Icky And “Destructive To The Parties Involved”
College Bans Gay Sexing Because It’s Icky And “Destructive To The Parties Involved”
A Christian college in rural South Carolina is putting its foot down when it comes to students gay sexing on campus.
It all started back in March 2014 when OutSports featured the stories of Drew Davis and Juan Varona, two gay volleyball players from Erskine College and the welcoming response they received from teammates after coming out.
It seems school’s board of trustees found all that tolerance and acceptance inappropriate, so they decided to do the only thing that seemed decent and rational… They banned gay sex.
A statement released a few days ago read, in part:
We believe the Bible teaches that all sexual activity outside the covenant of marriage is sinful and therefore ultimately destructive to the parties involved. As a Christian academic community, and in light of our institutional mission, members of the Erskine community are expected to follow the teachings of scripture concerning matters of human sexuality and institutional decisions will be made in light of this position.
The statement was added to the school’s website. It will soon be added official manuals. The board has yet to determine how exactly the policy will be implemented, but they are determined to find a way.
We’re not sure which is weirder, college administrators trying to police students’ bedroom behavior or the fact that it took them almost a year to respond to a story that, frankly, nobody remembered anymore.
Erskine College spokesman Cliff Smith urged people not to misunderstand the new policy.
“We’re not trying to be hateful,” he said.
“I would hope the conversation would be [gay students] feel loved, respected and cared for,” he added, “and that their faculty and staff are interested in them as individuals.”
Yeah. Perhaps a little too interested.
Related stories:
This Private Christian College Confiscated Every Copy Of Their Newspaper For Being Pro-Gay
Christian College Expels Lesbian Student And Then Bills Her For Tuition
Christian College Forcing Staff To Sign Anti-Gay “Statement of Faith”
Graham Gremore
Jack Falahee is Sick of People Asking Him If He's Gay Just Because His Character Is
Jack Falahee is Sick of People Asking Him If He's Gay Just Because His Character Is
How To Get Away With Murder actor Jack Falahee tells Vulture that he’s tired of people asking if he’s gay:
“People have been asking me about my sexuality ever since that OUT interview. I’m very confident in my sexuality, and I really don’t like talking about my romantic life in the press. It’s pretty reductive to ask just the actor playing the gay character what his sexuality is if you’re not going to ask that question of people playing straight characters on the show. I really don’t see what my sexuality has to do with the characters, and I think that’s private. But I find it interesting, the fascination with picking apart or outing actors who play homosexual characters on TV or in films. We don’t have that same fascination with actors who are portraying heterosexual characters.”
Falahee expanded on that answer this week in an interview with Michelangelo Signorile on SiriusXM Progress:
“I was basically trying to say [in the OUT interview], for me it’s like asking an actor who plays an alcoholic what their relationship is with alcohol. It’s not necessarily — I think we’re projecting onto actors in a way. I think we’re expecting them to be their characters when, at the end of the day, this is my job and I’m an actor portraying a role on a fictitious television show.”
Signorile then asked Falahee if it’s not fair to ask an actor what they personally bring to the experience of playing a character.
Falahee says that’s a very different question than “How do I define my sexuality,” adding that he thought he got a great question from an interviewer down in Atlanta who asked, ‘What personal experience do you bring to portray — what did she say? — a ‘manwhore’ homosexual on television?’
He said:
“That is a different question than how do I define my sexuality. And to answer that question, I would say, well, you know, I went to NYU, and the Tisch School of Drama, and there we studied Stanislavski-based acting techniques. And while I have dabbled in the Lee Strasberg method of sense-memory and using your own experience to portray a character, I found that that was a fast track, maybe, to therapy. And so, I fell more into the Stella Adler method of acting camp, and create fictitious circumstances….I’m creating circumstances in which Conor exists to accurately portray him..I just think it’s interesting because I have a body of work before Conor Walsh that is primarily heterosexual and yet people want to ask — you know, no on asks any other man, or woman, on my show, about their sexuality, and that’s what fascinates me…We don’t ask the actor playing James Bond what his sexual preference is. So I don’t know what it is, really, with trying to out actors who portray gay characters on television. But it is some sort of fascination in society.”
Here’s the excerpt from the February OUT interview to which Falahee refers at the beginning of this post:
“I don’t think answering who I’m sleeping with accomplishes anything other than quenching the thirst of curiosity. And moreover, it seems reductive. It’s been really interesting to be in the middle of the industry’s fascination with the individual, because I never thought about that growing up or when I was at acting school. No matter how I answer, someone will say, ‘No, that’s not true.’”
I’m the first journalist to straight-out ask, he says, “but everyone wants to.” We spend a good 10 minutes debating why it might matter to any of us how he answers, or why he won’t. “We still live in this hetero-normative, patriarchal society that is intent on placing everything within these binaries,” he says. “I really hope that — if not in my lifetime, my children’s lifetime — this won’t be a question, that we won’t need this.”
Watch a scene from the latest episode (the finale) in which Oliver and Connor discuss HIV and head to a clinic to get tested (spoilers), AFTER THE JUMP…
Andy Towle
Diritti Lgbt, girotondo dei 'Sentinelli' contro l'omofobia: "Serve una legge nazionale"
Diritti Lgbt, girotondo dei 'Sentinelli' contro l'omofobia: "Serve una legge nazionale"
di Francesca Martelli.
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Deshawnda Bradley, #BlackLivesMatter and the Reminder That Self-Definition Is Essential to Our Survival
Deshawnda Bradley, #BlackLivesMatter and the Reminder That Self-Definition Is Essential to Our Survival
When I think of the heroines and heroes of Black History Month, I notice the similarities they possessed between them before the differences: they were brave on behalf of many; they were ahead of their time – able to see things those around them had difficulty understanding and accepting; they asked for things that seemed so simple yet were made seemingly impossible by others — like the right to live, to be treated as human beings, to be accepted for who they were, and most importantly to be able to define themselves with the hopes of breaking through oppressive categorizations. And because of everything they stood for, because they dared to be different, they often lived lives that were at risk, lives that were in danger.
Nowadays, we often look back on history and ask how those who opposed the greats did such terrible things, how those who were complacent stood watching when they could have helped, how they all played their part in keeping the rest of us from moving towards our full potential.
With these thoughts in mind and in light of the recent cases of Lamia Beard, Ty Montgommery, Yazmin Vash Payne, Penny Proud and other transgender women of color who have been murdered, I take this moment today to honor unsung heroines of our time through remembering the story of Deshawnda Bradley. Additionally, I pay my respects to all other victims of discrimination based on gendered identity, skin color, and other intersections of our beings. In other words, I remember the people who were brave enough to try and live life speaking their truths, pushing towards freedom through their adherence to tenants of self-definition.
Deshawnda Bradley, an aspiring cosmetology student also known as “Tata,” was 21 years old when she was shot to death in Los Angeles on December 3rd, 2014. She was killed while banging on the door of a South LA residence seeking help, according to LAPD detective Christopher Barling, and no suspects have been arrested. Her twin sister described her as “a loving caring person” without any known enemies.
While police believe it’s possible she was the victim of a robbery turned wrong, they never ruled out that this instance could have been a hate crime, which I believe is more likely. Because according to The National Coalition of Anti-Violence Programs, “last year, at least 12 transgender women of color were murdered in what were all possibly acts of transphobic violence. Many of those murders have gone unsolved. NCAVP’s most recent report on LGBTQ violence reveals that 72 percent of anti-LGBT violence was directed against transgender women, 67 percent of whom were women of color.” With very little national attention, transgender victims (especially those of color) are forgotten while their cases grow cold and their murderers often walk free, as in the case of Deshawnda Bradley.
I am reminded of Audre Lorde’s words in Sister Outsider, where she writes, “I was going to die, if not sooner then later, whether or not I had ever spoken myself. My silences had not protected me. Your silence will not protect you […] because the machine will grind you to dust anyway, whether or not we speak. We can sit in our corners forever while our sisters and our selves are wasted, while our children are distorted and destroyed, we can sit in our safe corners mute as bottles, and we will still be no less afraid […] primarily for us all, it is necessary to teach by living and speaking those truths which we believe and know beyond understanding. Because in this way alone we can survive, by taking part in a process of life that is creative and continuing, that is growth […] if we do not define ourselves for ourselves, we will be defined by others for their use and to our detriment.”
Audre Lorde calls for the characteristics I spoke of that define leaders we remember in Black history, and even more explicitly she calls for us to not be the ones in opposition to change, to not be the ones who stand idle watching as bystanders. She calls for us to stand up and speak and honor those who have been brave enough to fight for the right to self-definition and self-realization for us all.
Responding to her call and to the instructions laid out by those who came before us means raising awareness, having more conversations, and sharing the stories of all our heroines and heroes. It also means doing our part to end the violence 0r at the very least ending our complacency. Thank you, Deshawnda Bradley for speaking your truth, for being brave on our behalf, for being ahead of our time, for asking for the things that should be simple yet are made virtually impossible by others, and for doing your part in breaking through oppressive categorizations of human life. This one is for you. May you rest in power and in peace.
To follow Anna you can subscribe to her blog and her YouTube Channel. Follow her on Twitter @annas_tea.
This post is part of the “28 Black Lives That Matter” series produced by The Huffington Post for Black History Month. Each day in February, this series will shine a spotlight on one African-American individual who made headlines in 2014 — mostly in circumstances we all wished had not taken place. This series will pay tribute to these individuals and address the underlying circumstances that led to their unfortunate outcomes. To follow the conversation on Twitter, view #28BlackLives — and to see all the posts as part of our Black History Month coverage, read here.
When Worlds Collide: Straight Stories Of Mistakingly Ending Up In Gay Sex Venues
When Worlds Collide: Straight Stories Of Mistakingly Ending Up In Gay Sex Venues
Last week we shared a story about a straight guy who accidentally stumbled into a gay bathhouse. Hilarity ensured, but he was also distraught over how/when to tell his wife what happened.
Many readers were quick to question how “accidental” the visit really was. How could he really be that naive?
Well amid all the marriage advice he got was sprinkled a smattering of other stories of straight people circumstantially ending up in sexually charged gay environments.
Here they are:
What happens at Burning Man, stays at Burning Man:
So, fun story time. Burning Man is a weird place. Someone (as a prank) put up a bunch of flyers that read, “Tantric Blowjob Workshop, males needed due to overwhelming female response. 1 pm, 3pm, and 6pm daily.” They had the address to someone else’s camp.
Of course, every few hours a bunch of thirsty dudes show up to invade this poor camp, and someone staying there has to explain it. Well, this guy shows up late, and the camp member who just explained it was a prank goes to greet him.
They shake hands, talk a bit, still shaking hands. Someone comments on how awkwardly long the handshake is. Someone else exclaims “its not like they’re shaking dicks!”One guy jokingly goes for the crotch grab. The other guy sees, then actually goes for the crotch grab. Cue awkward dick handshaking and laughing. Laughing stops. Cue shorts sliding down / sarong coming off. Cue two dudes standing face to face jerking each other off while ~20 watch.
The guest finished, the camp member didn’t. His wife showed up just at the tail end, and jokingly shouted “Damnit, Robbie! Not again!”
And that’s how a handshake turns into a double hand job.
Daisy Dukes, bikini on rest stop:
My dad is a mid-to-tall, medium to heavy build man. Completely straight, all masculine interests, that’s just how he naturally is. He bears a strong resemblance to Joaquin Phoenix when he played Johnny Cash.
He once owned a truck with a broken fuel gauge. So naturally, he eventually ran out of gas. Luckily within sight of a gas station.
So he’s digging around for his gas can when a large black man pulls up in his truck. The man gets out, and he’s wearing daisy dukes with his shirt tucked over like a bikini top. My dad, being the sweet but sheltered Alabama man he is, freezes up completely.
The man takes this pause as a chance to cock his hip and say “You want me to get behind you and push?”
Dad practically ran for the hills. He actually didn’t tell us about it for a good two years.
Whatever happened to professionalism:
Story I have is a naive and then young friend of mine who wanted to be a masusse. Got some training but on the second day of the job he walks in and two guys were butt fucking on his massage table. He was a pretty ineffectual guy and the image of him yelling at these guys to cut it out still cracks me up.
The confidence booster:
I recently got turned onto just how awesome spas are when I went to one way up north with my wife. The eucalyptus steam room was SO DAMN NICE.
Looking around I found some really nice spas but they were all female only. I find another — its co-ed but really expensive. Then I find out that there is one that has the eucalyptus and so on, isn’t that expensive — but the catch is it’s a rather famous gay anything-goes bathhouse.
I have a lot of gay friends and so I asked one of them to come with me. They were really excited until I told them it’s just for the steam and he hooked me up with one of his gay friends who loves bath houses but not the sex. So I met up with him and went and honestly, it was great.
We had to turn down quite a few people but really it was a nice steam and I left feeling a bit more confident and sexy after being hit on so much.
The good wife:
My wife and I were having dinner with a gay couple that was just about to get married. They sheepishly admitted that they met at a local “steam room,” and I was like, “How come I haven’t heard of this place? The sauna at the gym has been busted for months.”
My wife suggested they take me the next time they go there. They gave her a look, and were like, “We haven’t been there in a long time…”, “I’m not sure it’ll be what he had in mind,” etc. I’m not picking up on any of this.
So later that week I meet them there, and sure enough not even two minutes in three guys are going at it near us. It was well lit. I slowly turn my head to my friends and said “Why didn’t you just tell me this was a gay hookup joint?” And they admitted my wife had been winking at them during dinner, so they were in on the gag.
So, I sat there and said, “Fuck it. I haven’t used a sauna in months, so I’m staying.” Then I yelled at the orgy and told them to at least put towels under them. When I got home my wife laughed at me.
Lost in Chinatown:
Some years back I needed to place a business add in the local Chinese newspaper. I looked up the address and went to find it on foot, as it was only a few blocks away.
In the middle of Chinatown I find a frosted glass door with the street number on it. No advertising or anything. Meh – Chinatown. Shit like that isn’t too unusual.
I push the door open and find that an older white gentleman is on the other side, coming out as I’m going in. Instead of being polite, he sort of tustles with the door a little. As if he is reluctant for me to go in. Weird. I keep pushing and he gives in and we both pass each other at the door.
The first thing that hits me is an odd smell. Sort of steamy with maybe something sweaty about it. The next thing I notice is a white guy on the desk. This doesn’t seem right. It was pretty dark in there as well and I see stairs going up into the steam. Music is playing. Hmmmmm…
Yeah this was not the Chinese newspaper. I was trying to force my way into a gay bath house. As a young female it wasn’t appreciated.
Dan Tracer
NFL Free Agent Michael Sam Invited to Veteran's Combine, Says He's 'Getting the Hang' of Dancing: VIDEO
NFL Free Agent Michael Sam Invited to Veteran's Combine, Says He's 'Getting the Hang' of Dancing: VIDEO
NFL free agent defensive end Michael Sam has been invited to the first-ever veteran combine, ESPN reports:
The veteran combine will be held March 22 in Tempe, Arizona, less than a week after Sam is set to start competing on the latest season of ABC’s “Dancing With the Stars,” which starts March 16.
Sam was chosen last year in the seventh round of the draft by the St. Louis Rams but the team released him before the season began. He was later signed to the Dallas Cowboys practice squad but then waived.
Following the announcement this week that Sam would compete on Dancing With The Stars, he released a statement on Twitter:
Very excited to be a part of @DancingABC. Football remains my unquestioned number 1 priority, however, while I continue to train and stay ready, I am ecstatic to participate in a fun, athletic competition like so many players before me have done. Filming this offseason is very flexible and allows me to be part of the veterans combine 3/22 if accepted or any other workouts. I’m looking forward to getting started with @PetaMurgatroyd and winning! Thanks for the support! #TeamSambatroyd
Paparazzi stationed outside Dancing With The Stars rehearsals caught up with Sam this week as he arrived to rehearsals with fiancé Vito Cammisano in tow, and asked him which was tougher, dancing or the combine.
“Both,” he replied.
They also asked if he has nailed his first dance yet:
“I think it’s a secret right now. It’s different from football. Peta’s (Murgatroyd, his partner) doing a great job. She’s bearing with me. It’s different than football, clearly. But I’m getting the hang of it. It’s fun. Great workout.”
And what kind of advice he had for gay kids nervous to come out.
“Be on your truth. On your truth.”
Watch, AFTER THE JUMP…
Andy Towle
2015 02 27 18 10 LGBT Registration Test
2015 02 27 18 10 LGBT Registration Test