Patrick And Wade's Story From The Let Love Define Family Series
In today’s Huffington Post Gay Voices RaiseAChild.US “Let Love Define Family™” series installment, Patrick Roth and Wade Holmes share how reading tragic news stories about LGBT youth suicides spurred them to open their home and hearts to a gay-identified foster youth who is now a permanent part of their family.

After adopting his daughter Julia through a private arrangement 16 years ago, Patrick Roth and his now husband, Wade Holmes, turned to the foster care system for a very special reason when they decided to expand their family.

“Although we had discussed adopting again for many years, we finally decided to do something concrete after a wave of media stories involving LGBT youth committing suicide and being bullied,” Patrick explained. “We knew we had the means, space and love to offer. We specifically wanted an older, harder to place child and were very open to one who was self-identified LGBT.”

Patrick and Wade’s subsequent journey on the road to a second child led them to foster and then adopt Cephren. Now 14, the boy was 12 years old when he came to live with them.

The couple describes their son with pride.

“Cephren came to us with his personality largely developed. He is very responsible, respectful and caring,” said Patrick. “He’s a negotiator, but rarely does he argue or raise his voice in anger. Given his family history, and what transpired for him to be removed from them, we are very proud of how positive and happy he is. Showing him how different his future possibilities are now from what they were is an ongoing task, but we are delighted to see him evolve and open up to them. He is a very sweet boy who loves to be around his family.”

Patrick Roth, 46, is a financial analyst at the University of Texas at Austin and his husband, Wade Holmes, 47, is a director of partner management at Salesforce. Their daughter Julia, now 16, was privately adopted at three weeks old in Indiana through an unplanned opportunity that arose through family connection. After the family moved to Texas and the couple sought to adopt an LGBT youth, they reached out to an agency that worked with the state Child Protective Services to learn more about the process.

“We specifically sought out an agency we knew from reputation had a nondiscrimination policy and was eager to work with the LGBT community,” Patrick said. “The agency was also very honest about the process and that we might encounter push back, or likely just be ignored, by some more conservative-minded CPS caseworkers who are the gatekeepers to all kids in the system. Ultimately, we were chosen as a match by a caseworker who was looking for a same-sex household for an openly gay youth she represented. And the licensing process was not really any different for us than any other couple. Our agency advocated on our behalf and treated us as they would any client.”

Julia’s adoption was very easy and handled through private attorneys. After the couple married 10 years ago, Wade adopted Julia in Indiana through a co-parent adoption. Both fathers’ names appear on her birth certificate. In contrast, Cephren’s adoption was a much lengthier and involved process that required two separate court proceedings in two counties, with licensing and several layers of approval.

“Each of us had to adopt Cephren separately due to Texas laws, but both of our court dates went smoothly,” said Patrick. “Both judges were happy for us and openly stated their agreement that we should be a family.”

“Legally, the biggest problem for us in Texas is that we cannot both be on our son’s birth certificate,” Wade explained. “Texas law does not allow for more than one man or woman on a BC. They still state ‘Father’ and ‘Mother,’ and have not been altered to ‘Parent’ and ‘Parent’ as they have in some more progressive states. Since Patrick was the first to adopt, only he is listed on the birth certificate. We have a court decree that states I am also a parent, of course. Fortunately, this didn’t present any difficulties in obtaining a U.S. passport for Cephren. The federal government is much more up to date with these issues than some states.”

Having adopted children of such disparate ages, Patrick and Wade are in a good position to reflect on personality development.

“Cephren came to us with his personality largely developed, but Julia is a fascinating study on the ‘nature vs. nurture’ argument,” said Patrick. “Even though we have raised her since birth, we know her mother, and Julia is very much like her in many ways. She is very strong willed, fearless, and stubborn. She is not concerned with peer pressure or what others think of her. We are very proud of the way she can bounce back from anything and carry on with a smile, looking towards the future.”

Both men talk about the tremendous impact fatherhood has made on them.

“I didn’t have a constant father figure in my life growing up,” said Patrick. “I’ve lived most of my life without that dynamic. I missed it a lot when I was younger, and always wanted to have children so that I could be the father I didn’t have. Parenting has been a never-ending lesson in patience and humility. It also opens you up to unconditional love like nothing else can.”

While Wade didn’t feel the pull to become a father from an early age, he has also found it deeply fulfilling.

“Parenthood was not something that I ‘dreamed’ about, but now I would not change a thing,” he said. “I take joy in watching the children develop into the people that they will become.”

Becoming a parent has helped him understand his own mother better.

“I have a very strong relationship with my mother that has moved beyond just parent-child to one of friendship and mutual respect,” he said.

Both men enthusiastically encourage others to consider adopting from the foster care system.

“This is a big point — there are fantastic kids in the foster care system!” said Patrick. “We know so many people who have fostered and/or adopted through CPS in various states, and they have wonderful, amazing kids. Some kids have more trauma than others. Some need more love and commitment to shine, but they all have the ability to surpass anyone’s wildest dreams. We’d also say that people shouldn’t be afraid to seek out older kids. The statistics for the futures of the children who age out of the system are frightening. It is never too late to make a difference in their lives! They can blossom and change in ways you can’t imagine.”

“Many states also offer incentives for those adopting older kids such as ongoing financial stipends, health insurance, or even college tuition benefits,” Wade points out. “These are great kids. They just need a family and a chance. We’d also like to add that people shouldn’t be afraid of not being approved or picked to be parents because of being LGBT or single parents. There are many thousands of kids awaiting forever families and agencies are getting more and more accepting of diversity. Kids need families and if you can provide a good, stable, loving home, then chances are you’ll find one (or more!) children who are right for you.”

Corinne Lightweaver is the Communications Manager at RaiseAChild.US, a national organization headquartered in Hollywood, California that encourages the LGBT community to build families through fostering and adopting to serve the needs of the 400,000 children in the U.S. foster care system. Since 2011, RaiseAChild.US has run media campaigns and events to educate prospective parents and the public, and has engaged more than 2,500 prospective parents. For information about how you can become a foster or fost/adopt parent, visit www.RaiseAChild.US.

www.huffingtonpost.com/2015/02/13/patrick-wade-gay-family_n_6673724.html?utm_hp_ref=gay-voices&ir=Gay+Voices

‘The Last Five Years’ Director On His Heartbreaking New Musical And Working On ‘Gypsy’ With Barbra Streisand

Jeremy Jordan, Anna Kendrick

Even if you’ve only a passing interest in musical theater, you’re likely aware of the devoted cult following that’s surrounded The Last Five Years since the show was first produced in 2001. Told entirely through songs, composer-lyricist Jason Robert Brown deconstructs a love affair and marriage between Jamie (Jeremy Jordan), a rising novelist, and Cathy (Anna Kendrick), a struggling actress, over the course of a half-decade. In a clever storytelling device, Cathy’s songs begin at the end of their marriage and move backwards in time to the beginning of their love affair, while Jamie’s unfold in the opposite direction and the couple meets in the middle when Jamie proposes.

Director-writer Richard LaGravenese, the acclaimed screenwriter of The Fisher King, The Bridges of Madison County and Behind the Candelabra and director of the woefully under-appreciated comedy Living Out Loud, fell in love with the show’s score when he first heard it. His new film adaptation of the passionately-adored show is a delicate, intimate song-filled antidote to the recent lavishly-produced big screen musicals such as Into the Woods and Annie and is now playing in select theaters and is available on demand. LaGravenese chatted with Queerty about making the musical, his talented young cast and working with legendary entertainer Barbra Streisand on her forthcoming adaptation of Gypsy.

How did you first become aware of The Last Five Years and what made you decide to film it?

I’m a big musical theater fan, but I’d never gotten to see the show. I kept hearing the buzz about it and about Jason. My friend Todd Graff, who directed the movie Camp that Anna is in, gave me the soundtrack. I just fell in love with the score. It was so honest and so emotional. You know how sometimes you get a CD and you just can’t stop listening to it? It would make me You get the chills because it’s hitting something in you. I remember “Nobody Needs to Know” being a song that I played over and over and the lyrics just killed me. A year later everyday my new favorite song would be “A Summer in Ohio” or “If I Didn’t Believe in You.” I just fell in love with the score and as I listened to it, I kept imagining it. It became an obsession.

Why do you think the show has developed such a passionate following?

It’s the great work of Jason Robert Brown. He’s one of our best composer-lyricists. I think it’s due to his pure talent.

How does your film adaptation differ from the stage version?

In the stage show all the songs are monologues and sung to the audience, not to each other. In the middle is the only time they sing together because of the proposal. It’s two time periods, one’s going backwards and one’s going forward. The biggest difference is I imagined it being sung this way. It added a whole new dimension to the material and to this exploration of love and how people sing different songs to each other. When you’re singing it solo you get his point of view completely. But when you put her in it you get her reaction, which adds a whole other layer to it. That’s the biggest difference and just populating it with other people and little bits of dialogue here and there. It’s very minimal. It’s all the show.

Jamie and Cathy are very juicy roles and require performers who not only sing beautifully but also have some serious acting chops. Were there a lot of young actors clamoring to play these characters?

Both of those skills are incredibly important. Anna was my first choice and she wanted to do it because she loves Robert Jason Brown’s work. We were lucky enough to have her attach herself to this before Pitch Perfect came out. I wanted her because of Camp so this was a lucky break. She loved the script and the score so she said yes. Casting Jamie required more of an auditioning process. There were many actors who you’d never think of wanting to do a musical who knew this score and sent me auditions from hotel rooms. The deal was I needed good actors who could sing and I would pick who I was interested in and they would have to sing for Jason.

Besides being so talented, Jeremy is incredibly charismatic. How did you decide he was right for Jamie?

I knew Jeremy as a tremendous singer. I’d seen him in Joyful Noise and a few episodes of Smash, but it was really in the room when he came to audition that I got the potential of what he could do. I had him sing “If I Didn’t Believe in You” over and over and act that song. Vocally, I knew he could do anything. That’s why I cast him. 

Richard LaGravenese

Looking over your filmography I noticed a theme in several of your other movies, including The Bridges of Madison County, Living Out Loud and maybe even Behind the Candelabra, of how a great love affair didn’t work out but left a lasting impact on the people involved. Is this something you’re drawn to and seek out in material?

I don’t know if it’s a theme I seek out, but I’m starting to realize it’s something I believe. We put a lot of pressure on love. This poor thing has to last forever and it has to look like this and feel like this. I don’t know that that’s what love is. I think we’re here to evolve on our individual journeys. Sometimes you have to fall in love with people to grow. it doesn’t mean you have to stay with them and that it’ll last forever. If it doesn’t, it doesn’t meant that it was something that was regretful or lost. It was a necessary thing for our evolution as people. Sometimes if you’re lucky and you find someone to evolve with, that’s great. I’ve always been a loner even though I’ve been married a long time and I don’t really believe in romantic love as something that will last. It’s a wonderful thing that happens. I think I do all of these things because I don’t really know what love is and it fascinates me. I wonder how can you feel so unbelievable strong about someone that you’ll do irrational things and then it fades. I keep thinking of that line from Annie Hall when Woody Allen wonders why love stopped. An old woman says “love fades.” It’s a profound line.

Barbra Streisand

I know I speak for a lot of musical buffs by saying I couldn’t be more excited that you’re working on the screenplay of Gypsy for Barbra Streisand. What’s the current status of this project?

I finished it before Christmas. Barbra and I worked on it from September through the fall. I had the best time with her. I can’t even tell you. It was like a fantasy come true. I did my first draft and went to her house to do rewrites. She’s so meticulous in the best possible way. We went through it page by page by page. I played Herbie and she played Rose. I’d play Louise and she’d play Rose. We laughed and had the best time together. I hope it gets made because having her sing that score and play that part would be the penultimate moment for those of us who love that musical. She’s just extraordinary to work with. She cares so much. She’s so passionate about it. She’s so smart. We had such a great time.

I hope it gets made, too, because it will be a religious experience for her fans and in some ways it could be considered a bookend to her film debut in Funny Girl.

The script is at the studio. Joel Silver is a very tenacious producer. I hear that he’s going to make sure this happens.

Any chance that either you or she will direct it?

I can’t answer that.

There’s been some concern that Barbra is in her early 70s and will be playing the mother of a very young girl in the early scenes of the film. How does your script address this?

I think it’s more about her singing that score. She’s an actress and it’s a movie. When Sarah Bernhardt was in her 70s she was performing younger roles. It doesn’t matter to me. She looks fantastic, first of all. I’m not going to be watching the movie doing math. I just want to hear her do that part. I know she can do it. For those who are going to have that problem, nothing we do is going to help that. They’re going to be out to comment on that. I’d rather have her play the part and sing that score and fuck the rest of it.

You first worked with her nearly 20 years ago on the last film she directed, The Mirror Has Two Faces. How has your relationship evolved since then?

It’s really comfortable. Because of Behind the Candelabra, she called me last winter about another project. It wasn’t about Gypsy initially. Suddenly we’re just two Brooklyn people talking to each other about one thing and then another thing and then 45 minutes later we’ve talked about a million things. Out of that, she sent me Gypsy to read and it just evolved into wanting to do a rewrite on it, which was primarily about putting Arthur Laurents’ book back into it, because it’s the best fucking book of any musical. [Laughs] And then expanding and doing things I’ve always wanted to do in terms of character for Louise and the relationship between June and Louise. It’s a tough show to make cinematic. “Some People” is a very tough song to make cinematic. It’s a dynamic song, but it takes place in a kitchen. So how do you film that? It’s the toughest number in the show. All of those things we worked on were really fun.

Watch the trailer for The Last Five Years below.

Jeremy Kinser

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Op-ed: Don't Count Your Justices Until They've Ruled

Some might be ready to rest on their laurels with a Supreme Court hearing this spring concerning marriage equality, but now is not the time to quit.

read more

Evan Wolfson

www.advocate.com/commentary/2015/02/13/op-ed-dont-count-your-justices-until-theyve-ruled

What other love are we missing out on?

A few weeks ago, I was putting away our holiday cards – the majority of which were photocards. Some were cute, funny, and others depicted the growing families of some of our closest friends. I wanted the kids to jump out of the card so I could hug them or teach them how to be great Scrabble players.

There was one in particular I just held in my hand and couldn’t quite put away. It was a picture of a friend – an accomplished academic and administrator at one of the top universities in the world – and his husband and their two children. Two siblings – one boy and one girl – both of whom had come to live as foster kids with Jay and his husband, David. And before long, all four were gobsmacked with love, leading them to venture through the long and official process of becoming one big, happy adopted family – for life.

As I looked at the card, I was struck by all the smiles, the fun, the silliness and the deep care seen by all four of them. There was something really special about this card, something way deeper than the rest. On the backside of the card were pictures of the kids with their grandparents and extended family members, as if they had always known each other. It was meant to be. It was one of the most joyful families I had ever seen. But there was something else that made me want to hold onto this card.

When I spoke to Jay, he said, ‘Who would have thought after 50 that instead of thinking about retirement or at least wondering when I was going to take the pedal off the career accelerator, I would instead become: a Dad.” We agreed, the kid chapter was simply the best chapter of our lives.

Yet for me, it was much more straightforward – I mean, I was raised Catholic for starters, married and pregnant by my mid-twenties. But the U.S. was a different place back then, even if Jay had wanted all those things, society and the law were not as favorable as they are becoming today. Two men getting married, let alone adopting kids, was simply unheard of.

And who were the big losers? I thought, as I kept staring at this card.

The kids of course!

And the parents who had so much to give and get from hugging and yes, even enforcing homework assignments.

But in the grand scheme of things our communities and country in many ways had been the big losers. And how stupid was that. Almost 400,000 kids in the U.S. are without a permanent family. Globally, almost 18 million children live on the streets or in orphanages – most of us would weep if our kids were confined to that life.

So, as we prepare our Valentines and bake our cakes, as I hold the card a little longer, I think we should look around and ask ourselves: who today are we not allowing into our hearts and our communities because of fear or uncertainty?

Because traditional families are evolving and hopefully, only getting better.

Pictured above is Jay Stowsky and David Kerr with their two children.

Read more from Maura O’Neill and check out her blog, Our Simple Truths, and her Facebook page.

www.huffingtonpost.com/maura-o/what-other-love-are-we-mi_b_6676134.html?utm_hp_ref=gay-voices&ir=Gay+Voices

Why Are STDs Running Rampant In The Deep South?

Boys, if you’re planning on traveling to New Orleans for Mardi Gras this month, be smart about it.

According to recently released  figures from the Centers for Disease Control, Louisiana has the second highest rate of STDs in the nation, with fifty percent of new infections occurring between the ages of 15-24.

In fact, the South is leading the nation in new cases sexually transmitted diseases, according to the report, which is based on 2013 numbers. Eight of the 11 states with the highest rates of chlamydia, gonorrhea and syphilis were located in the Southeast. (The CDC didn’t include new stats for HIV/AIDS.) Researchers believe bans on comprehensive sex education plus lack of funding for STD testing are fueling the southern dominance of new infections.

Close to 20 million new infections are reported in the U.S. every year. But that’s only a tiny fraction of existing cases. The actual number is probably closer to 110 million. Many people (90 million to be precise) either don’t realize they’re infected or don’t seek medical help.

“STDs are hidden epidemics of enormous health and economic consequence in the United States,” the CDC stated. “They are hidden because many Americans are reluctant to address sexual health issues in an open way and because of the biologic and social characteristics of these diseases.”

In 2013, there were 1,401,906 reported cases of chlamydia. Alaska, Mississippi, Louisiana, South Carolina, and Alabama lead the nation with the most new infections.

There were also 333,004 reported cases of gonorrhea, with Louisiana, Mississippi, Alabama, North Carolina, and South Carolina leading the charge.

And there were 17,375 reported cases of syphilis, with Louisiana, Maryland, Georgia, Illinois, and Florida reporting the most new cases.

The CDC also noted an increase in syphilis among gay and bisexual men.

“If you are a sexually active man who is gay, bisexual, or has sex with men, you should request tests for syphilis, chlamydia, gonorrhea, and HIV at least once a year,” the CDC recommended. “More frequent STD testing is recommended if you are a pregnant woman, you should request for men at high risk.”

So what’s the deal?

Some speculate it may have to do with higher rates of poverty and lower levels of education.

According to the National Coalition of STD Directors, in Louisiana, almost 18 percent of people were living below the poverty line in 2011. The same year, Louisiana also ranked as the unhealthiest state in the country.

On top of that, Louisiana doesn’t require sex ed be taught in schools. If a local school district decides to teach it, the law mandates that educators promote abstinence over contraceptives.

Because everyone knows that works.

Related stories:

STUDY: Cheaters More Likely To Get STDs Than Couples In Open Relationships

Guess Which STD Now Kills More People Than AIDS

Syphilis Infections On The Rise In The Gay Community

Graham Gremore

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What the Supreme Court Can Learn From Ted Cruz
In what appears to be a new annual tradition, U.S. Sen. Ted Cruz (R-Texas) is celebrating the week leading up to Valentine’s Day by reintroducing a bill that would penalize married same-sex couples who move to his home state or any other state that does not recognize same-sex marriages for state purposes.

Cruz’s bill would require federal authorities to treat as single any same-sex spouse living in any of the 13 such states, thus disqualifying them from 1,000 different marriage-related benefits in areas ranging from Social Security to federal taxes to copyright to veterans’ benefits. Most cruelly, if a gay woman in, say, Texas were to marry someone from another country, Cruz’s bill would require her to pick up and move to a state that recognizes same-sex marriage in order for her wife or stepchildren to immigrate to the United States.

As a Canadian-born U.S. citizen, Sen. Cruz should be intimately aware of how important family status is under U.S. immigration and nationality law. In fact, the vast majority of legal immigrants to the United States qualify on the basis of family relationships.

Sen. Cruz claims to be concerned that federal recognition of same-sex marriages is interfering with each state’s right to define marriage for itself, but clearly, his real problem is with a federal definition of marriage that he personally dislikes.

I say this because the anti-gay definition of marriage in the Defense of Marriage Act (DOMA) required federal officials to ignore same-sex marriages even in states where they were celebrated, yet Cruz never had a problem with this apparent infringement on states’ rights before the U.S. Supreme Court gutted DOMA in United States v. Windsor. In fact, he once defended DOMA against “specious” attacks citing states’ rights. Now just such an argument is so important to him that he’d force Edie Windsor (the plaintiff in the Supreme Court case) to pay $363,053 more in federal estate taxes if she were to move from New York to Texas, and any gay Texan who marries a Spaniard to move to a state like Virginia if they want to live together.

The meaning of “equal protection” under the U.S. Constitution is highly disputed in general. Yet the idea that a U.S. citizen should have to migrate to another state in order to live together with his husband and children seems to be an example of what Justice Kennedy might call “a denial of equal protection of the laws in the most literal sense.”

Fortunately, Sen. Cruz’s “State Marriage Defense Act” is unlikely to become law anytime soon. Yet it is a good example of the kind of chaotic reaction the U.S. Supreme Court eventually could unleash if it upheld anti-gay state marriage laws in the case it will hear later this term. Justice Kennedy and Justice Roberts, are you listening?

www.huffingtonpost.com/scott-titshaw/what-the-supreme-court-ca_b_6669144.html?utm_hp_ref=gay-voices&ir=Gay+Voices