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Open Question: Latent/Repressed sexuality vs HOCD?
Im going to get straight to the point, Im worried of being a repressed homosexual. I also however had HOCD 2x and OCD 2x
and I am homophobic and had gay experiences most of which happened in my early years of puberty mainly age 11 and 12 few before. When I was 11 I used to watch gay porn, I saw it more like a different type of porn rather than gay porn as I used to watch all sorts of porn. I stopped for a while but my HOCD kicked in and watched it (only watched) as a compulsion and was disgusted by it. A theory is I wasnt disgusted before cos I had a lot of T. I never wanted to do anything with guys. I am homophobic because i grew up in a homophobic environment where kids would often say eww thats gay. My dad once told me gays are going to hell. I never knew what to think of gays and I saw all these gays on tv and thought it was disgusting. I then got exposed to the stereotype and hated that. As I started to get older I saw all this LGBT wanting rights and thought they have rights and thought they’re attention whores. I saw the negative side of it and that still doesnt go away even though i realise its not EXACTLY their fault. I had all the symptoms of HOCD before now i only have a handful of symptoms and still have groinal response. I want to know if there is a definite way of finding out if someone is a repressed/latent homosexual and if you think im latently gay. I obsess over it tho i can sometimes stop at will but the thougth keeps going thru my head and annoying me Also,right before i watch gay porn i have accelarated heartbeat, it feels like adrenaline. I stopped masturbating for quite sometime (did it every now and then before hocd and a few times after). I also noticed before i watch straight porn i have the same feeling but feel comfortable at the thought of watching it. I think it might be anticipation but im not sure. What could it mean
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