Russell Tovey’s new footballer fiancé has a secret adult film past
Look familiar?
Category Archives: MISC
Black History Month: Life at the Intersections
Black History Month: Life at the Intersections
As HRC honors justice warriors throughout Black History Month, we want to highlight some of the incredible individuals within our organization that drive our work forward at the intersections of LGBTQ equality and racial justice.
As Audre Lorde, a Black lesbian poet, said, “There is no such thing as a single-issue struggle because we do not live single-issue lives. Malcolm knew this. Martin Luther King, Jr. knew this. Our struggles are particular, but we are not alone.”
Through her writing, Lorde eloquently captured the depth and richness of the crossways of those identities and experiences. She described herself using words like “Black, Lesbian, Mother, Warrior, Poet,” a testament to the strength of her enduring legacy.
Below, members of HRC’s staff share what it means to live and work at the intersections of Black and LGBTQ identities:
“To live and work at the intersections of a Black and queer identity means that I have a responsibility to ensure that my work is rooted in liberation and that the most marginalized communities are socially, politically and economically uplifted. In addition to considering my privilege as a cisgender man, it is my duty to continue to both create spaces for intersectional inclusion and recognize spaces where my input is not necessary.”
— Armonte Butler, HRC Foundation Health & Aging Program Coordinator
Pronouns: He, Him, His
“As a black queer woman, I live and work at the intersection of the systems of oppression defined by race, sexual orientation and gender. On my worst days, it is exhausting and feels impossible to safely navigate the world as my whole self. But on my best days, I feel like a queen; unapologetically harnessing the beauty and power that comes with all of my identities.”
— Cassandra Corey, HRC Major Gifts Officer
Pronouns: She, Her, Hers
“To talk about the intersectionality of my identities feels almost utopian. The worlds I navigate are often unsure of how to engage me in the wholeness and integration of my identities, so I often experience them as if a swinging pendulum – moving in and out of each depending on my context. It is not often that I feel seen and engaged as a Black lesbian in its fullness: that is being Black, female, and same-gender loving in the same space, at the same time. Yet, it is who I am and I can not separate my experiences. We have a lot of work to do to create inclusive community spaces that truly engage and honor diversity, especially when it comes to Blackness.
As Black LGBTQ people, we have to continually strive to step into spaces demanding that we are honored and recognized in our fullness – not allowing elements of our identities to be extracted because they are too messy or inconvenient for others to deal with, or to be redefined in a way that is more palatable to others. Our liberation relies on our ability to show up as, be seen as, and navigate spaces as, whole and authentic people and, above all, to define what that means for ourselves.”
— Nicole Cozier, HRC Director of Diversity & Inclusion
Pronouns: She, Her, Hers
“As a Black, gay man from Trinidad and Tobago, my lenses as an immigrant influence my ability to impact the global social justice fight around social issues that disproportionately affect black people as they show up in the LGBTQ community. My responsibility here at the world’s largest LGBTQ advocacy organization is to bring my unfiltered perspective to work each and every day. My duty is to honor all those who have paved the way for me to be here and the privilege I have to influence this work with ethics, intentionality and resiliency as a leader in this movement. I’m here for the Caribbean!!! #Trini2DeBone”
— Maurice Eckstein, HRC Communities and Volunteer Relations Senior Manager
Pronouns: He, Him, His
“When I’m speaking out and advocating for the LGBTQ community, I also voice issues and concerns of my queer Black family, a historically marginalized group in that space. When I’m with my family, I show that Black families are also full of rainbows. And when I’m with my friends talking about the legacy of James Baldwin, listening to Frank Ocean or watching RuPaul, we LGBTQ #BlackMenSmile knowing of the important contributions we’ve made and continue to make in all of the communities we belong to. In all of these ways and more, I get to share my gay #BlackBoyJoy everyday!”
— Jay Gilliam, HRC Senior Global Programs Officer, Co-chair of HRC’s POC+A Employee Resource Group
Pronouns: He, Him, His
“To live and work at the intersections of being Black and gay is to live in a form of double consciousness. It is to understand that you must navigate society wearing multiple oppressive and marginalized identities which you must be aware of and on alert at all times. It is exhausting. Living in this double consciousness fuels my desire to work for organizations that work to advance the civil rights of those marginalized and disenfranchised.”
— Leslie Hall, MSW, HRC Associate Director, HBCU Program
Pronouns: He, Him, His
“My queer identity cannot be separated from my real and lived experiences as a Black woman. We live in a world that constantly tries to separate us from ourselves, to divide me into groups and subgroups that only focus on one aspect of who I am. To live and work at the intersection of my experiences as a queer Black Woman is to know and trust that all the pieces of who I am show up in every space and are needed in every space – whether that’s work, the local coffee shop or the general assembly.
My showing up fully is a gift not only to myself but to all of those around, and it is one that I do not apologize for. No matter where my voice or other Black voices fall with respect to sexual orientation, gender or gender expression, our identities can’t be part and parcel for check boxes or convenience. Our contributions are great and our voices remain integral to the conversation on how we continue movement building in a way that no single part of who we are is forgotten or oppressed.”
— Hope L. Jackson, HRC Senior Regional Field Organizer
Pronouns: She/Her/Hers
“To live at the intersection of Black and queer identities is like walking two tightropes at once. One community faces unique and very visible challenges and has since before the U.S. was formed; while the other has had to announce its presence, to come out, only to be ostracized by broader society. While the burdens of being Black have stolen from, jailed and separated our people, we have created amazing music, dance, food, art and scholarship. And while the burdens of queerness have left folks ostracized, homeless, humiliated and suicidal — out of that pain has sprung a vibrant, beautiful culture that celebrates its pride every day. While the doubling of those burdens can be crushing, the beauty that they have wrought is our Black LGBTQ community. Our boldness, artistry, industry and intelligence are truly a sight to behold. From ballroom culture, to Stonewall, to the March On Washington, and from the top of the charts to the halls of the most elite portrait galleries and boardrooms in this country we have made an indelible mark on this nation. Indeed, ‘there is more music singing in us than crimes against our souls.’”
— Paul Lisbon, HRC Political Research Coordinator
Pronouns: He, Him, His
www.hrc.org/blog/black-history-month-life-at-the-intersections?utm_source=rss&utm_medium=rss-feed
How to Be An Emotional Genius: Get Straight A’s in Your Love Life
How to Be An Emotional Genius: Get Straight A’s in Your Love Life
Would you like to be an emotional genius? Someone who has a high level of Emotional Intelligence, and can manage your feelings, understand other’s emotions, and develop great relationships? Now, you can. New research in Emotional Intelligence (EQ.) tells us that developing a high emotional intelligence can help you choose the right partner and maintain a healthy and happy relationship.
Here are four ways you can raise your EQ
Know Yourself and Your Date’s Emotional Style: There are two main personality types in the emotional world: The Thinker and The Feeler. Thinkers makes decisions primarily with their head (logic); Feelers make choices mainly with their heart (emotions). Although you may do both, chances are, you are stronger in one area. If you’re a Feeler dating a Thinker, it’s important that you use logic and rational thinking in your conversations—he will fall in love with your mind. If you’re a Thinker dating a Feeler, then you need to “Think your way” to his feelings— he may need more verbal reassurance and physical affection.
Pick an Emotionally Smart Man: When dating someone, don’t be blinded by surface looks or charm. Look for signs of an emotionally intelligent guy. An emotionally smart man doesn’t play games (he tells you how he feels), is able to manage his emotions (he doesn’t lose patience at a moment’s notice), and demonstrates empathy (he can sense your feelings). On the other hand, “emotionally unintelligent” men have a harder time grasping their emotions (they lose patience easily), are oblivious to your feelings, and often have fewer friends due to lack of trust. Avoid emotionally unintelligent men, and spend time with the emotionally intelligent ones, and you will ultimately find the best man for you for a happy long-term relationship.
Don’t Jump to Emotional Conclusions: One mistake you may make, especially if you’re a Feeler, is to emotionally misinterpret your guy’s actions. If, for example, he delays in texting you back, you may jump to a conclusion: “He doesn’t care.” In reality, he may be busy, sad, or not feeling well (or maybe, God forbid, his phone broke). Yes, he may not be interested but regardless of what you’re thinking at the moment, it’s important that you wait and ask him, instead of jumping to a quick emotional conclusion that may be wrong.
Develop Empathy: One of the signs of Emotional Genius is Empathy—when you can put yourself emotionally in the shoes of your partner. If you’re an empathetic person, you can sense when your significant other is feeling down—you can pick them up with the right words to encourage and motivate them. Similarly, your goal is to attract an empathetic man who also is in tune with your feelings—who can give you a massage and set up your bath when you’re feeling tired or lousy. Yes, there are empathetic single men out there, and you will find the right one when you are that way yourself. Remember, empathy attracts empathy, and emotional intelligence attracts the same.
As you raise your emotional intelligence, you will discover that one of your best tools is self-awareness. Begin today by being more aware of your feelings and even writing them down in a journal. As your self-awareness and emotional intelligence grows, you will enjoy your relationships more, and you will substantially increase your personal happiness.
The post How to Be An Emotional Genius: Get Straight A’s in Your Love Life appeared first on PlentyOfFish Blog.
How to Be An Emotional Genius: Get Straight A’s in Your Love Life
#AM_Equality Tipsheet: February 20, 2018
#AM_Equality Tipsheet: February 20, 2018
TRUMP NOMINATES (YET ANOTHER!) ANTI-LGBTQ EXTREMIST JUDGE: Gordon Giampietro, nominated to the U.S. District Court for the Eastern District of Wisconsin, has made anti-LGBTQ remarks during multiple radio interviews. Said HRC’s Wisconsin State Manager Wendy Strout: “Sadly, Gordon Giampietro manages to stand out among a number of unfit, anti-LGBTQ judicial nominees put forward by the Trump-Pence Administration. Giampietro’s extreme anti-LGBTQ rhetoric is deeply disturbing and should not be rewarded with a lifetime judicial appointment representing Wisconsin on the federal court. If confirmed, Wisconsinites could not count on Giampietro to uphold their civil rights.” More from BuzzFeed.
WASHINGTON STATE HOUSE COMMITTEE ADVANCES LEGISLATION PROTECTING YOUTH FROM SO-CALLED “CONVERSION THERAPY”: Said HRC Legislative Counsel Xavier Persad. “This abusive and inhumane practice has no basis in science and is uniformly rejected by every major mental health organization in the country. We call on the House of Representatives to swiftly pass this bill and send it to Governor Inslee’s desk to be signed into law.” More from HRC.
TIME TO THRIVE TUESDAY: This weekend, HRC hosted its fifth annual Time to THRIVE Conference on February 16-18 at the Hilton Orlando Bonnet Creek in Orlando. During the conference, HRC honored extraordinary advocates including LGBTQ ally Betty DeGeneres, transgender trailblazer Gavin Grimm and groundbreaking health care provider Dr. Ximena Lopez. Other speakers included Rep.Val Demings (D-Fla.); transgender athlete Chris Mosier; transgender author and reality show star Jazz Jennings; singer Johnny Manuel; Dreamer and sexual assault survivor Yuridia Ramirez; Christine Leinonen, whose son was killed in the Pulse nightclub attack; Pulse survivor Brandon Wolf; Judy and Dennis Shepard of the Matthew Shepard Foundation; and Adrian Stevens and Sean Snyder, a two-spirit couple. Check out the coverage on HRC’s blog.
“We as two-spirit people don’t have representation, our role models are not always given the same platform….If you know any young, Native two-spirit kids, tell them we said, ‘Be true. Be proud. And keep dancing.'” – Adrian Stevens (@AdMattStevens) & Sean Snyder #TimeToTHRIVE pic.twitter.com/LhEn6cIws4
— Human Rights Campaign (@HRC) February 17, 2018
AN OLYMPIC (QUALIFYING) ROUND…UP:
- Gus Kenworthy on LGBTQ visibility at the Olympics: “It presents an amazing opportunity and I think that it kind of gives us a chance to shed people’s misconceptions and just kind of like break down barriers, “Kenworthy (@guskenworthy) told CBS’ Don Dahler (@DonDahlerCBS). More from CBS.
- And check out this video on Kenworthy from NBC.
.@guskenworthy is out and proud at the 2018 #WinterOlympics, but that wasn’t the case in Sochi. He tells his story. #BestOfUS pic.twitter.com/KjzGc2xdcg
— NBC Olympics (@NBCOlympics) February 17, 2018
- HRC Senior Vice President of Policy and Public Affairs JoDee Winterhof on Mike Pence’s comments on Adam Rippon: “Mike Pence has spent his entire career figuring out ways to discriminate against our community. And if Mike Pence and his folks are asking the LGBTQ community and our allies to trust that he didn’t want to figure out another way to discriminate against us, our response to that is: ‘Hell no.’” More from Indy Star.
- Glenn D. Magpantay, executive director of the National Queer Asian Pacific Islander Alliance, writes about LGBTQ Asian athletes for Advocate.
NEW STUDY FINDS LGBQ GIRLS MORE LIKELY TO BE PUNISHED IN SCHOOL THAN STRAIGHT PEERS: More from Broadly.
TRANSGENDER ACTRESS DANIELA VEGA (@DaniVega) WILL BE AN OFFICIAL PRESENTER AT THE OSCARS: More from The Hollywood Reporter.
LA ACTRIZ TRANSGÉNERO, DANIELA VEGA (@DaniVega), SERÁ PRESENTADORA OFICIAL EN LOS PREMIOS OSCAR: Más de CNN Chile.
MILWAUKEE BREWERS ADDS LGBTQ PRIDE NIGHT TO UPCOMING SEASON: More from the Milwaukee Journal Sentinel.
GLOBAL EQUALITY NEWS
MEET A GAY CHECHEN WHO ESCAPED STATE-SANCTIONED VIOLENCE: The atrocities against LGBTQ Chechens such as Alihan demand justice. The Trump and Pence’s ongoing silence is deafening. More from BuzzFeed.
- Also in Russia, a government PSA encouraging voting “threatens” viewers with a future where people have LGBTQ roommates. More from NewNowNext.
LGBTQ JOURNALIST AND ADVOCATE DETAINED BY RUSSIAN POLICE GRANTED PERMISSION TO FLEE TO GERMANY: Khudoberdi Nurmatov previously faced deportation back to his native Uzbekistan. More from The Daily Beast.
READING RAINBOW – Bookmark now to read on your lunch break!
Mail & Guardian details a seven-year-long Botswana transgender equality case; Washington Blade speaks to LGBTQ journalists about media representation; BBC interviews Georgie Stone, an Australian trans teen fighting for equality; Lauren Duca (@laurenduca), for her Teen Vogue column “Thigh-High Politics,” sits down with six feminists, including HRC’s Sarah McBride (@SarahEMcBride); HRC honors Black LGBTQ athletes paving the way for equality
www.hrc.org/blog/am-equality-tipsheet-february-20-2018?utm_source=rss&utm_medium=rss-feed
Face of Anti-Gay Pro-Trump Dating Site is Convicted Child Molester
Face of Anti-Gay Pro-Trump Dating Site is Convicted Child Molester
Yesterday we reported on a new dating site for Trump supporters. The site bans gay people (as if any sane gay person would want to join a pro-Trump dating site) but allows straight people who are married.
The face of the site is a married couple from Guilford County, North Carolina, Barrett and Jodi Riddleberger.
WRAL discovered something else about Trump supporter Barrett Riddleberger. He’s a convicted child molester:
WRAL News would not agree to that. Riddleberger’s past includes a felony conviction for taking indecent liberties with a child in in 1995. The charge stemmed from his videotaping himself having sex with a 15-year-old girl when he was 25, the Greensboro News & Record reported in 2014.
A North Carolina criminal history check Monday turned up no serious charges on Riddleberger’s record since then. He said he’s been married for 22 years.
“I’ve already paid my debt for something I did 25 years ago,” he said.
It’s unclear who created the Trump.dating website. Riddleberger refused to answer most questions. A press release announcing the site’s creation and a paid-for blogpost on the right-leaning Daily Caller website circulated within the past few weeks quoting a Sean McGrossier as the website’s founder and owner. Attempts to locate him Monday were not successful.
WRAL also reported that Riddleberger said that “the marital status issue was a mistake and was being fixed by a programmer.”
However, “Some reports have also noted that, once a person gets past the initial sign-up page, he or she can choose ‘happily married’ or ‘unhappily married’ as a status before finalizing a profile and meeting new potential dates.”
The post Face of Anti-Gay Pro-Trump Dating Site is Convicted Child Molester appeared first on Towleroad.
Man Pitching Anti-Gay Pro-Trump Dating Site is Convicted Child Molester
Russell Tovey Announces ‘Completely Unexpected’ Engagement to Rugby Player Steve Brockman
Russell Tovey Announces ‘Completely Unexpected’ Engagement to Rugby Player Steve Brockman
Photo: Instagram
Russell Tovey is engaged to be married to his boyfriend Steve Brockman.
Tovey confirmed the news to Daily Mail, saying, “Completely unexpected but very very happy and looking forward to having a proper party to celebrate when back in London.”
It’s unclear how long they’ve been dating but the relationship reportedly began getting serious last summer.
Brockman is a rugby player for the Kings Cross Steelers as well as a personal training company.
Tovey is currently starring in the ABC series Quantico and as The Ray for The CW.
Photo: Instagram
The post Russell Tovey Announces ‘Completely Unexpected’ Engagement to Rugby Player Steve Brockman appeared first on Towleroad.
Russell Tovey Announces ‘Completely Unexpected’ Engagement to Rugby Player Steve Brockman
Woman Cut Out Of Will After Walking In On Multi-Millionaire Dad Having Sex With Another Man
Woman Cut Out Of Will After Walking In On Multi-Millionaire Dad Having Sex With Another Man
architecture-bridge-brooklyn-bridge-buildings-421927 by Chris Schippers (CCO)
A New York woman is contesting her late father’s will after he disinherited her when she walked in on him having sex with another man.
54-year-old Diana Downing said her relationship with her wealthy Manhattan landlord father Vincent Downing never recovered after she barged in on the rendezvous decades ago when she was a teenager.
Downing, who was disbarred as an attorney after pleaded guilty in 2010 to felony charges related to a Medicaid fraud scheme, wrote in an affidavit:
“While it is challenging to untangle the dynamics of our family, I believe that strains between my father and myself emerged when I was a young teenager.”
NY Daily News reports:
Downing accused her father of being “a closeted homosexual with a difficult-to-control temper.”
“I also suspect that I interrupted an encounter between my father and a male lover,” she wrote. “I believe that my father was so embarrassed that he shunned me.”
Downing said her dad, Vincent Downing, never recovered from his discomfort over the incident. She said he skipped her high school graduation and her Yale University commencement.
The two never reconciled before Vincent Downing died at 86 on May 10, 2016, when he was crushed by a car in a pedestrian crosswalk on the Upper East Side. He was survived by Diana and two other children.
Downing filed a petition earlier this month to halt the distribution of her father’s assets to the beneficiaries of his will.
RELATED: Two Heterosexual Men Marry To Avoid Paying Inheritance Tax
She claims that her was really a resident of Paris for the past 20 years.
If she can prove that claim to be true, French law would grant her some of her father’s money since children can’t be disinherited there. She is also waging a legal battle in France over the same claims.
However, Helen Chaitman, a lawyer for Diana’s brother, David Downing, said the allegations about walking in on her father having sex with another man are ”totally fabricated” with “no basis in fact.”
David Downing’s legal team also deny that his father was a resident of France. Diana Downing claims that emails and mail backup her claim that her dad — who had U.S. and Irish citizenship — lived in France. Downing had most of his medical procedures in France, she contends, and his family visited him there.
Diana Downing added in her affidavit that if her father hadn’t died in the accident in 2016, they may have reconciled.
“I was cautiously hopeful that my father would overcome the embarrassment that I believe prompted him to shun me in my teen years, and which I suspect haunted him,” she wrote.
“I believe that, shortly before he died, my father was preparing to reconnect with me.”
The post Woman Cut Out Of Will After Walking In On Multi-Millionaire Dad Having Sex With Another Man appeared first on Towleroad.
Woman Cut Out Of Will After Walking In On Multi-Millionaire Dad Having Sex With Another Man
Congratulations to Shannon and Christopher from Orange County, California!
Congratulations to Shannon and Christopher from Orange County, California!
Shannon and Chris just celebrated their two year anniversary and have never been happier. She writes: “I started using Zoosk a little over 2 years ago. While I was searching for the man of my dreams, I noticed that I had to subscribe if I wanted to message people. After 3 days, I decided to delete my account when,
The post Congratulations to Shannon and Christopher from Orange County, California! appeared first on Zoosk.
Crush Of The Month: Jennifer
Crush Of The Month: Jennifer
By day, she’s a fashion and beauty blogger with a substantial YouTube following. By night, well — she’s all the above plus a normal, coffee-loving, Spanish-learning firecracker. “My friends would describe me as ‘animated,’” the brunette beauty told us. “I get really excited really easily. I’m just an upbeat, bubbly person who loves to talk!” […]
blog.match.com/2018/02/12/crush-of-the-month-jennifer/
Time’s up for DTF
Time’s up for DTF
Journalist Jasmine Lobe, who bravely spoke about harassment at the hands of Harvey Weinstein, reflects on the past, present and future of DTF
My neighbor and I had a thing. I was in apartment 205 and he was in 206. He’d invite me over for late-night movies. I’d make up reasons to stop by. Did he have any olive oil or salt?
The hooking up was hot, but I noticed a trend: he only really wanted me after a night of drinking. He’d usually knock on my door at 4 a.m.
When I told him I had feelings for him, the knocking stopped.
He moved on quickly. He conveniently started hooking up with the woman in apartment 207. I’d hear them in the hallway giggling. I’d press my ear against my wall (her bedroom was on the other side) and my heart would stop. I’d blast music and try not to cry.
I wasn’t the “cool” girl who was DTF. I was emotional. I had feelings. I was “weak.”
But I could never win, because if I had been “cool” enough to be DTF, I’d still feel disrespected.
According to one urban dictionary definition, DTF “refers to a nasty, slutty whore who is willing to go home with some random guy she just met (in most cases the girl is drunk but not always) and fuck. Afterward, the girl will sometimes leave on her own but in most cases the guy will kick her out once he’s been satisfied.” Thankfully, attitudes are changing and the stigma attached to singles, particularly women, who are looking for something casual has finally begun to lift. But there’s still a lot to be done to protect, and empower, people to hook up, date, and communicate on their own terms.
The #MeToo movement has opened the floodgates for women (myself included) to name their harassers and be believed, but it’s bigger than that — it’s systemic. It’s time to unravel patriarchy and that’s certainly going to affect dating, too. OkCupid’s on to that in a big way with their new campaign that is #DTFixDating. If you can’t get rid of DTF, then make it your own so the power’s in your hands.
I caught up with a few women I admire about their views on DTF — how it makes them feel, and what it means to redefine it.
Whitney Eden works for an advertising agency. I’m a big fan of her biting blog, DoYouEvenTinderBro.com, where she posts sexist texts she receives via dating apps. She’s holding these guys accountable because their actions don’t take place in a “vacuum.”
Whitney has tried different dating apps but likes OkCupid best because it gives her more information so there’s a richer background. One has to match before messages can be sent to inboxes, which weeds out the “headless dudes” and in her case, filters out the far right. She says, “If you believe women shouldn’t have contraceptive rights, we should never go out.”
She thinks OkCupid’s new campaign is a great start, but only marks the beginning of a long, much-needed battle to change the meaning in a culture where the traditional meaning of DTF is so ingrained.
“For the longest time women were afraid to say, ‘I’m not looking for a no-strings-attached relationship.’ You’re not cool if you voice that, and men take advantage of it. And while women are used to placating men’s egos, the current climate has empowered women to listen to their own voices. ‘Do I want to have sex? Or am I going to have sex because he wants to have sex.’”
It’s not just women who are affected by DTF’s toxicity. Whitney adds, “Men are still beholden to heteronormative gender roles, but I think there is more acceptance now. You can be a man and have feelings — basically, you can be a human being.”
As to how Whitney would reappropriate DTF, she says, “I’m down to fight patriarchy.”
Francesca Vuillemin is a Fashion Market Editor at Reserved Magazine, which recently launched their “Equal Means Equal” ad, a push for equal pay for women in media. She’s also a kick-ass astrologer, a dear friend — and was my date to OkCupid’s launch celebration for their new campaign. We took “upside down” pictures in their photo booth (the clouds were at our feet and flowers above our heads) to overturn the old DTF narrative. We pretended to fall from the sky, flailing our arms — which proved difficult for the photographer to capture. He finally politely asked us to be still and strike a pose.
We browsed the ads screened on the surrounding walls, while drinking vodka cucumber cocktails. Francesca was particularly struck by the playfulness and tender connection in the ads “rather than just expressing one’s carnal side.” For instance, a woman carrying another woman with a red rose, gazing into her eyes, stood against a bright pink, background in one of the images.
“The problem with DTF is it’s been framed from the man’s perspective,” Francesca said. “And for me, the reappropriation of DTF would certainly be more about bonding, but would also create space for women who just want to have casual, consensual sex, to do so without the stigma.”
Women’s voices are being heard now more than ever which allows for a shifting narrative for both men and women. “The times are changing, allowing men to express their feminine sides and women to express their sexual sides without judgment.”
As to how she would reappropriate DTF, she says “Down to feel a deep spiritual connection.”
“So casual, consensual sex with a deep spiritual connection?” I ask her.
“Yes,” she laughs. “I have a Scorpio moon.”
Keren Eldad is a celebrity life and dating coach whom I had the pleasure of working with. I tried her Date With Enthusiasm program and it worked! (I’m dating someone very special.) She’s all about switching the narrative in your head. I had to work on my self- worth and shift my own negative patterning from “I don’t deserve” to “I do.”
Keren thinks OkCupid’s Wieden + Kennedy campaign has “hit the nail on the head” by “hacking DTF and changing the story.”
“Wieden + Kennedy has done an excellent job at stage one: Distract. When you have a train going 100 miles an hour at a tree you cannot just stop it. You must divert it. So [likening DTF to a runaway train] reappropriating the F is a great first step. You deserve not just ‘better’ you deserve ‘exactly what you want.’”
Keren advises singles to keep the movement in motion by “minding your own vibe” and coining your own phase, whether it’s Down to find love, or simply Down to love.
These three women I spoke with all have different histories, different goals, different wants—in love and in life. But they can all agree that changing the meaning of the F in DTF is the first step. Whether it’s Down to fight patriarchy, Down to find a deep spiritual connection, or Down to Love —now, I’m down with all that.
Written by Jasmine Lobe.
Find someone who’s down to do the same things you are. Join OkCupid now.
Time’s up for DTF was originally published in The OkCupid Blog on Medium, where people are continuing the conversation by highlighting and responding to this story.
