Six Reasons Why Science (And Winter) Say You Need A F*ck Buddy

Six Reasons Why Science (And Winter) Say You Need A F*ck Buddy

Winter has arrived. The days are cold. The nights are long. Enter your friend-with-benefits–also known as a f*ck buddy or FB, for those who prefer not to use the F-word in polite company.

Urban Dictionary defines a friend-with-benefits as “two friends who have a sexual relationship without being emotionally involved.”

It is someone you can get away with drunk texting on Friday night from a bar after your fifth cocktail and not take hell for it. (Just make sure it’s Freddy your FB, not Freddy your boss. Yes, it has happened.)

It can also be someone who you would never date for various reasons (he rides a motorcycle, he eats crackers in bed, he’s a Republican, etc., etc.), but whom you nonetheless love getting naked with from time to time.

Just in case you needed them, here are sex, er, six reasons why everyone should have a FB.

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It’s good practice

A 2011 study examined the sexual behaviors of more than 24,000 gay and bisexual guys. Researchers found that young men aged 18 to 24 didn’t score well when it came to their lovemaking abilities. Of course, this isn’t all that surprising. With age comes experience, after all. Maintaining a steady, no-strings-attached partner to practice with is a great way for those of you in the under 24 category to hone your craft. As a young gay man, you are fortunate to have plenty of time and opportunities to improve.

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It encourages mentorship

On the flip side, for older gents who may not need any additional practice in the sack, being a mentor to a younger fella can be a beautiful, beautiful thing. Think about it: You’re teaching him valuable tricks of the trade which he can then employ for the rest of his life. Talk about making a real difference in the world.

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It’s beneficial to your mental health

To the surprise of no gay man on earth, a study published in Social Psychology and Personality Science earlier this year found that people who engaged in regular casual sex reported lower stress levels and higher levels of happiness.

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Live your fantasies

Have you always dreamed about being bound, gagged, spanked, and/or peed upon? (If so, you’re not alone. This sex study found even the wildest of fantasies aren’t nearly as uncommon as you might think.) This 2014 survey found that 47% of respondents fantasize about acting out their favorite types of kinky porn in real life. Now, you may not feel comfortable doing these “taboo” things with the future father of your children. Enter your FB. He’s the perfect person with whom to explore such activities. You know him. You trust him. And he won’t won’t take it personally if you never call him again after things go unexpectedly awry.

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He can provide you with more than just sex

Got an extra ticket to the Giants game? Need a date to your friend’s art opening? Call your FB. Not only will he provide you with some hot company to make others jealous over during your outing, but he’ll give you something to look forward to afterwards.

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It’s fun & convenient

Despite what your parents’ church may have tried to tell you, sex is good. And gay sex is f-ing awesome. This 2014 survey found that one in three people have a friend-with-benefits with whom they regularly hookup. That has to be proof of something. Having someone to sext for some late night hanky panky at a moments notice is fun, not to mention far more convenient than hunting for it at bars and on Grindr. ‘Nuff said.

Related stories:

Nude Pic Etiquette: Five Tasteful Tips For Photographing Your Junk

Midsummer Night Flings: Six Tips For Taking Up A Gay Lover In August

Fashion Faux Pas: What Not To Wear To A Hookup

Graham Gremore is a columnist and contributor for Queerty and Life of the Law. Follow him on Facebook and Twitter.

Graham Gremore

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What To Do With “Gay” Click-bate

What To Do With “Gay” Click-bate

 

The Interplay is a special biweekly series exploring the intersections of sex, pop culture, and current events.

BY CHARLES PULLIAM-MOORE

Over the past few weeks Buzzfeed’s squad of “Try Guys” have made a dent in the internet with a series of videos designed to go viral. The formula for the series is fairly straight forward: each video features the guys trying something you’ve probably never seen the average man doing in the middle of a work day.

As a series Try Guys reads a lot like your average TLA coming of age dramedy: lacking in plot, but rich in fleshy, softcore nonsense. It started with the guys trying to out drink one another, and then waxing philosophic about the hottest male celebrities. Soon they were trying drag, seeing each other naked for the first time, and experimenting with same-sex kissing.

The guys in these videos are coded as straight, and that same straightness is meant to make the clips as “funny” as they are titillating. Whether or not Try Guys accomplishes either of its goals is open for debate, but what seems rather obvious is Buzzfeed’s newfound fondness for queer clickbate (it’s like queerbait and clickbait but…racier.)

Try Guys both is and isn’t standard fare for publications like Buzzfeed. We’re no strangers to sharing clips of hot guys doing silly things here at Towleroad. Content like this drives traffic, and hey–who doesn’t like little bit of eye candy? There comes a point, though, where one questions the intentions of content like Try Guys that isn’t clearly operating from expressly queer-positive perspective. As J. Bryan Lowder writes in Slate, BuzzFeed’s clickbate reads simultaneously as provocative and laughable:

“The men are clearly feeling bashful about activities that, from a gay point-of-view, are laughably low-stakes, so it’s hard not to feel a certain amount of puppy-dog pity for them. That BuzzFeed’s producers have been able to cast and shoot these micro-docs in a way that encourages responses both erotic and tender is a credit to their powers of manipulation.”

Though Lowder sees the Guys’ “first time” experimentations as endearing, there’s something inherently off about treating gay intimacy like a low-budget episode of Fear Factor. We’re living in a gilded, glittering age where depictions of gay men kissing, touching, and being close with one another have almost become the rule, rather than the exception. Not only that, but today’s objectification of the male body is infinitely more open.

That shirtless guy baking cupcakes? Cosmopolitan knows (and is banking on) the clicks of gay men and straight women alike. The actors and models vying for our collective attention may not be gay themselves, but their intentions are clear. Our gaze as gay men is invited, and in that invitation there’s an implicit affirmation of gay desire.

Though it isn’t setting out to be malicious, Try Guys is trafficking in an all too common narrative. The intended hotness of the videos is undercut by the fact that the guys in it, and the overall theme, is supposed to be a spectacle. “Look at this straight guys doing gay things, how novel!”

That isn’t to say that gay sex and the media built around it can’t be funny–quite the opposite. Rather, when we’re mining the internet for scantily clad guys who can give us a good chuckle, we’ve got to make sure that we’re thinking with two heads as opposed to just one.


Charles Pulliam-Moore

www.towleroad.com/2014/12/what-to-do-with-gay-click-bate-1.html