American Horror Story: Freak Show Provides A Unique Gay History Lesson, Says Star Denis O’Hare

— Actor Denis O’Hare who plays Stanley, the freak-murdering con artist with the 13″-penis on American Horror Story: Freak Show, discussing the series in an interview with The Examiner

H/t: HuffPo

Jeremy Kinser

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Resolving the Conflict Starts With Me
A few days ago I read Kevin Thornton’s HuffPost blog post “I Was a Teenage Fundamentalist: How I Resolved the Conflict Between Jesus and My Sexuality.” (You should read his before you read mine.) I was immediately taken with his ability to draw such a distinct portrait of my life. I mean, he doesn’t even know me, yet there I was, beginning to take shape in the words I was reading. I knew that he was telling his own story (and that his story, like mine, is not unique), but the similarities were uncanny — at least through the first paragraph.

Churchgoer? Check. Singer of the Baptist hymn “Just as I Am”? Check. Early ’90s? Check. Dark secret? Check. He’s from small-town southern Indiana; I’m from small-town Kentucky. There I was, coming into focus. I was standing in front of my pew in the church building where I attended worship services with multiple members of my family, singing my heart out for Jesus, concealing my truth, hiding my secret, scared to be me.

I had no one to talk to about any of the desires and feelings that were bubbling just under the surface, struggling for freedom, trying to take a breath in the light. I couldn’t talk to my pastor, he who pounded on his pulpit while his raised voice told me of the fire and brimstone that God rained down on the sodomites of Sodom and Gomorrah for their sins — the major sin being homosexuality. (Uh-oh. He’s talking about me. I’m beginning to feel those homosexual desires.) I couldn’t talk to my friends, because they would just as easily call me “queer” or “sissy” as come to my birthday party (then call me “queer” or “sissy” at the birthday party). I couldn’t talk to my parents. Oh, no. I didn’t trust them to understand or accept the fact that their son was gay. (I didn’t know what my parents would do with the information, but I was so riddled with fear that I couldn’t find out.) So I kept pushing those desires and feelings down, keeping them at bay. I was tormented, alone, scared.

I never experienced any “pray the gay away” organizations like Thornton’s referenced Exodus Ministries. But I spent more time on my knees, behind the closed door of my bedroom, crying, pleading, begging, praying to not be gay, than I can even remember. I created my own hell of trying to “pray the gay away.” The gay feelings never went away, though. I attended worship services three times a week. I prayed. I sang. I had invited Jesus into my heart and believed my soul had been saved from eternal damnation in hell, but I was still gay. Those homosexual desires never changed except to grow stronger.

Thornton says that going away to college saved his life. I never thought of college as saving my life. That’s probably because it took so long for me to start living my life after I got there. Getting there did help, though. It got me out of my small town. It opened my eyes to other ideas and beliefs. It helped me start questioning and forming my own opinions. I was drawn to and surrounded by people living the life I wanted to be living — I was on the five-year plan with a double major in performing arts and advertising — but still it took me until the summer before my fifth year to finally achieve enough courage to come out. I didn’t get to college and suddenly find my freedom. I was thinking differently, yes, but I still felt the heat of that fire and brimstone keeping me restrained. The truth is that I still feel the chains that want me bound to those beliefs that were so rigidly instilled in me in my youth. I’m still afraid of that fire-and-brimstone hell.

I’ve recently come to realize that that scared child is still very present inside me, and he’s been responsible for many of the fear-based choices I’ve made in my life. He’s also very responsible for the fears that I still allow to prevent me from living my adult gay life to the fullest, without concern about parental disappointment and eternal damnation. And unlike Thornton, I never really resolved my conflict with God. It’s a struggle, and I’m trying, but right now I feel as if I’m stepping away from God completely so that I can come back on my own terms with my own goals for our relationship. I should have done this years ago, but fear (like I learned in the pew of my church building) is something that is used to keep one in line and therefore holds one back.

Thornton says that communication is the way he resolved his situation. I believe in the power of communication. But with communication can also come disappointment. One has to find the courage to hear even as he finds the steadiness to speak. I recently took a huge step out of my comfort zone and, for the first time, shared with my mom my childhood feelings of fear and loneliness. I shared how afraid I was, how untrusting. I opened that door before I even realized I was turning the knob. I’m in my 40s now, but it’s never too late to start a dialogue. It’s hard for me not to feel as though I’ve wasted a lot of my life living in fear, but I also believe there is truth to the universe presenting things to you when you are ready to accept them.

Not long ago a friend of mine presented me with the concept of getting my hands dirty. Holding back and not communicating, at least with my mom, was me not getting my hands dirty, not rocking the boat, even at times being a victim. I realize now that I was afraid more of being disappointed in her possible answers or responses than of having the conversation. I may never change the mind of someone who believes that homosexuality is wrong, but there is no comfort, no freedom, in living in silence or fear. There’s just avoidance. Even a baby step forward is a step forward. I’m glad Mom and I took that step together.

As you might have noticed, that portrait of me that Thornton began drawing with such seemingly definitive strokes veered into Monet territory: recognizable from a distance, fuzzier upon closer examination. There’s still conflict in my life between God and my sexuality. That’s based on deep-rooted religious fears more than on anything else. There’s still conflict between my family and my sexuality. That will probably never change, but I know I’m loved. What can change is me. That scared inner child has to grow up and face his fears. I have to be willing to speak — and hear. I have to change my expectations. I have to change my pattern. I have to believe that “just as I am” is good enough.

www.huffingtonpost.com/michael-rohrer/resolving-the-conflict-starts-with-me_b_6411790.html?utm_hp_ref=gay-voices&ir=Gay+Voices

Muhammad Gay Kiss Among Charlie Hebdo Cartoons

A cartoon of the prophet lip-locked with the magazine’s editorial director was no doubt high on the list of resentments attackers used to justify killings in Paris.

read more

Thom Senzee

www.advocate.com/world/2015/01/07/muhammad-gay-kiss-among-charlie-hebdo-cartoons

'American Horror Story: Freak Show' Episode 11 Recap: Magic Moments
*** WARNING: Contains spoilers! Please do not read on unless you’ve seen Episode 11 of “American Horror Story: Freak Show,” titled “Magical Thinking.” Or if you don’t mind spoilers, go right ahead! ***

After watching so many episodes of “American Horror Story,” it’s easy to become desensitized. It’s almost to the point where I hardly bat an eyelash at anything that happens — from Jimmy getting both his claws chopped off to Jamie Brewer’s Marjorie bludgeoning that woman to death with a meat tenderizer — but every now and then, usually towards the end of the season, Ryan Murphy and his team throw something at us that breaks the bounds of what we expect. Watching Neil Patrick Harris’ Chester take Bette and Dot’s collective virginity, all while holding a creepy puppet, is one of those things. Even worse, the scene is oddly sexy.

How did we even get here? We started “Freak Show” fearing Twisty the Clown, who’s long gone; we moved on to Dandy as the main “evil” character; now we have Marjorie, who seems to be alive to Chester, seems to be capable of murder, but is really, by all appearances, just an ugly puppet in a red dress. All the while, Stanley has lurked in the background as the main nemesis to the freak show, picking them off one by one. We also can’t forget Edward Mordrake, who showed up to take one soul. Looked at as a collective whole it’s ridiculous, but viewed as a series of bizarre vignettes, “Freak Show” is itself a freak show, with acts that come and go, some wowing, some not. Chester, his puppet and his magic act (Harris puts everything he’s got into this role), while totally tangential, are fun to watch, not to mention welcome in what was becoming a sad (Pepper, Meep, Ma Petite) and maudlin (Dell, Jimmy, Ethel) season.

It’s like suddenly every character is stepping on the accelerator. Jimmy starts things off by sacrificing his claw hands to Stanley in exchange for his eventual freedom, or at least lawyerly representation. I don’t know about you guys, but I feel like I’d need a little bit more convincing to part with both my hands, especially if they were such a fundamental part of my identity. Stanley brings up Meep, and it’s a done deal. “You’re in my hands now.” Indeed, Stanley.

Bette and Dot decide to become sex-crazed, and they begin to prowl the freak show for the right candidate to take their virginity. After being spurned by Jimmy and abandoning Dandy, for some reason the twins burn their diaries and go on an outright crusade to be “de-flowered.” When Chester arrives on the scene, it too is a done deal. The twins are reaching for his crotch within 20 minutes of meeting him. Like this episode, they get right to the point.

It’s obvious that Chester ain’t right. We’re given many, many clues to that effect. He has a metal plate in his head that “acts up” when he gets excited, is a veteran who still wears his uniform despite the fact the war ended four years earlier, sees his wife and lover’s heads on Bette and Dot’s body, and talks to his puppet as if she’s alive. But is she? Is she the “AHS” Chucky? Chester seemed to enjoy sleeping with the twins, so I’m not sure where they’re going with this. Dandy is circling as well, with intent to kill him for sleeping with Bette and Dot, so his days are more than likely numbered. My bet is he’ll be around long enough to saw the twins in two, and then Dandy will take his “half” and leave Dot to rot, while Marjorie will put Chester out of his undefined misery.

Elsa has her foot on the gas too, and not a moment too soon, as her precious babies are dying left and right. She’s packing her bags for Hollywood and plans to sell the freak show to Chester … but we all know that isn’t going to happen. After Desiree and Maggie bring encased-in-a-jar Ma Petite back to show Elsa, she snaps and shoots Del in the head, killing him. R.I.P., Dell. It’s OK, he was getting boring. Once an “AHS” character starts talking about a happy, productive future, you can pretty much kiss them goodbye.

We’re gearing up for a classic stand-off in these final two episodes. Not unlike our search for last season’s Supreme, it’s anyone’s guess who’ll come out on top on “Freak Show.” Will Elsa take off for stardom at the end, leaving her freaks all dead and buried behind her? Will Jimmy buy the show from Elsa (and find out she killed his mother and then kill her) and lead it into a happier future? Will Stanley eventually get all of the freaks on display at the museum, as was foreshadowed several episodes back? (If the twins do get sawed in half, that flashback/flash-forward that we saw was completely accurate.) It’s anyone’s guess.

But just as we saw tonight — a two-headed virgin having sex with a demented war vet wearing a puppet — this show isn’t something you can predict.

Freak Of The Week: Chester. Harris took this role and ran with it, and was as freaky deaky as they come. Watching your wife have sex with someone else while smoking cigarettes and wearing the damn puppet? That is all sorts of crazytown.

Random Thoughts:

• This season could have used more Toulouse. “But I’m French!”
• Only on “AHS” could you have a lesbian making out with a gay man, both playing straight characters, and have it seem 100 percent authentic. Bravo.
• Ten points to whoever recognized Jamie Brewer as the voice of Marjorie before she was introduced on-screen.
• “Your Homo erectus bullshit.” – Desiree
• I want a recording of Sarah Paulson saying “Dear Diary.” It’s so soothing. She should consider doing audiobooks.
• I’ve said it before in previous recaps, but damn, Evan Peters’ characters are always getting wrongfully charged with murder. They also get an inordinate number of “Noooooooo!” scenes.
• Harris even had the eye twitch down. It was unsettling to look at him.
• Can we all agree that puppets should just be banned worldwide? I see no practical use for them anymore.

“American Horror Story: Freak Show” airs on Wednesday nights at 10 p.m. EST on FX and FX Canada.

Episode 10 Recap
Episode 9 Recap
Episode 7 Recap
Episode 6 Recap
Episode 5 Recap
Episode 4 Recap
Episode 3 Recap
Episode 2 Recap
Premiere Recap

www.huffingtonpost.com/2015/01/08/american-horror-story-freak-show-episode-11-recap_n_6433602.html?utm_hp_ref=gay-voices&ir=Gay+Voices