Daily Archives: December 16, 2014



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La Famiglia

La Famiglia
The book our gay men’s book group read and discussed this week is the story of an Italian family, una famiglia. It’s called All This Talk of Love by Christopher Castellani, himself an American from an Italian family. A mother, father, and two grown children (and one deceased) are the book’s main players, but their family, the Grassos, becomes the real protagonist of the novel.

Given how family importance gets heightened during the December holidays, Castellani’s book was a good choice. And as always happens in that group, smart guys discussing a work produced insights that I hadn’t thought of.

It being a family story, discussion of All This Talk of Love slid into tales that several men in the group related about their own families, tales that made the evening even richer. Some men in the group are from Italian families who sound not so different from the Grassos; but same nationality or not, families seem to stand in two-way mirrors that reflect the same picture.

In my experience, thoughts about family bring back memories good and bad, often vying with one another. I strive to remember the good things about my family, mostly now deceased. But it’s easy for those times to get buried under moments and relationships that left one wanting, caused by others and, when I’m honest, by myself as well.

What I’ve found curious about families is that the need does not vanish when an actual family does. Gradually we reach out and create new families — a lover or partner or a distant cousin who grows closer, maybe a teacher or student, maybe a good friend who takes over as welcome sister or brother. With my immediate family all gone, I turn to friends, to be sure, and also to nieces, nephews, and even their children. I’m doing my best to establish a cadre of younger folk who will come around and provide help when needed. Don’t go too far away, please, I’ve hollered. You may get a plea to attend an aging uncle!

Everyone lately has been touched by stories of families who were torn apart by shootings or strangulations, deeply sad tales. The events were examined by a jury of citizens, and the findings they returned have been so controversial, often acquitting a police officer, that protests erupted locally and across the land. Presumably the panel believed in justice as much as those who later protested their findings, but it’s easy to see otherwise. Regardless, men died under circumstances not clear. And those men, part of a family, maybe a lover or husband or brother, certainly a son, are gone.

The Hebrew Bible is filled with family stories of jealousy and betrayal as well as those of love. It seems that the sages who wrote the stories are alerting us to the frequency of unhappy, even murderous family relationships. Accept that we humans were not made perfect, those stories say, and know that to make your family whole needs care and nourishment, and a large measure of forgiveness.

This month, with the wonderful days of Chanukah and Christmas, I think I’ll review the love that was portrayed by Castellani in the Grasso family, and see if I can’t find a little more good to remember in my own.

Stanley Ely includes many family stories in his new memoir, Life Up Close, in paperback and ebook.

www.huffingtonpost.com/stanley-ely/la-famiglia_b_6285108.html?utm_hp_ref=gay-voices&ir=Gay+Voices

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Inspired by Robbie Rogers, high school soccer star comes out at homecoming by dancing with boyfriend

Inspired by Robbie Rogers, high school soccer star comes out at homecoming by dancing with boyfriend

Michael Martin: ‘If I can come out in a small town in West Virginia and be accepted, and dance with the homecoming king, it shows things are changing’

read more

gregh

www.gaystarnews.com/article/inspired-robbie-rogers-high-school-soccer-star-comes-out-homecoming-dancing-boyfriend161214

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Gay Cafe Manager Hailed As A Hero For Giving His Life to Save Others in Sydney Siege

Gay Cafe Manager Hailed As A Hero For Giving His Life to Save Others in Sydney Siege

tori-johnsonThe openly gay manager who lost his life in Sydney’s Lindt Café siege is being hailed as a national hero for helping other hostages escape after the terrifying 17-hour ordeal.

News.com.au reports that Tori Johnson, 34, was attempting to wrestle the gun from hostage-taker Man Haron Monis, who had begun dozing off, when the weapon discharged early Tuesday morning, killing Johnson along with another hostage, Katrina Dawson, 38.

Australian police believe the manager’s heroic efforts allowed the other hostages to escape after the tense and prolonged stand-off. The gunman was then killed when police stormed the café after hearing the shots that killed Johnson and Dawson.

Johnson’s parents released a statement saying, “We are so proud of our beautiful boy Tori, gone from this earth but forever in our memories as the most amazing life partner, son, and brother we could ever wish for.”

Friends of Johnson — who is survived by Thomas Zinn, his partner of 14 years — described the him as “a loving, placid, and very gentle soul” and “a true gentleman.”

A former colleague posted the following on Facbeook: “R.I.P. Tori Johnson, at times we both hated each other, and at other times we’d be hysterically laughing. You gave me so many chances even when i was a little s*** eating all the lindor balls and pretending I was a barista. You had a good heart, and I knew you were in there protecting everyone.”

Winston Gieseke

feedproxy.google.com/~r/queerty2/~3/wmZJhyx0fGc/gay-cafe-manager-hailed-as-a-hero-for-giving-his-life-to-save-others-in-sydney-siege-20141216

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Philly Gay Bashing Suspects Held On All Charges, Will Be Back In Court On January 6

Philly Gay Bashing Suspects Held On All Charges, Will Be Back In Court On January 6

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The three suspects accused in a heinous attack on a gay couple in Philadelphia on September 11 will stand trial on charges of felony assault and conspiracy, among other charges, Philadelphia Magazine reports. As previously reported, the defendants are 26-year-old Kevin Harrigan, 24-year-old Kathryn Knott, and 24-year-old Philip Williams. Today’s preliminary hearing was to determine whether the prosecution had met the burden of proof required to charge and try the defendants. Judge Charles Hayden Found they had:

The defendants, who previously pleaded not guilty and remain out on bail, appeared in the courtroom with their families, with Knott’s mother crying throughout many points of the proceeding. State Representative Brian Sims was also in attendance in the courtroom, which was crowded but not full.

Two witnesses testified today for the prosecution. Geoff Nagle observed the attack from a third floor window and stated that he heard “cursing and yelling in male and female voices, including language such as ‘fucking faggot.'” The other witness was one of the two victims, Zachary Hesse:

Hesse said that when the pair encountered the group at 16th and Chancellor, Harrigan asked, “Is that your fucking boyfriend?” “I said, ‘Yeah, that is my fucking boyfriend,” he testified. “‘Do you have a problem with that?'” Then he testified that Harrigan said, “‘So you’re a dirty fucking faggot?’ So I approached him and said, ‘Maybe I am a dirty fucking faggot.’ He pushed me, I pushed him.”

Then Hesse says that he was surrounded by the group. “I was terrified,” he testified. “It’s scary to have people surround you, and your arms are being held.”

Before closing the hearing Judge Hayden wished all of the defendants “good luck.”

Formal arraignment for the plaintiffs is scheduled for January 6th.


Sean Mandell

www.towleroad.com/2014/12/philly-gay-bashing-suspects-held-on-all-charges-will-be-back-in-court-on-january-6-1.html

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