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Speaking at Southern Comfort 2014
Today it was my privilege to attend the Southern Comfort Conference in Atlanta, Georgia—one of the nation’s largest conferences for the transgender community.
HRC.org
www.hrc.org/blog/entry/speaking-at-southern-comfort-2014?utm_source=rss&utm_medium=rss-feed
PHOTOS: The “Red Hot” Ginger Boys Steam Up Their NY Book Release
Photographer Thomas Knight’s “Red Hot 100″ project became a global sensation the moment he began seeking funds for it on Indiegogo.
Earlier this summer, Knight launched the Indiegogo campaign with intentions to turn his “Red-Hot” series featuring beautiful red-headed men into a photo book. With it, he wanted to “end gingerism,” one beautiful ginger boy at a time.
He said: “This is a book that is not only pleasing on the eye, but also holds a mirror up to current perceptions of male beauty and asks the question, why are there so few ginger heroes or heartthrobs in western culture.”
This week, Knight’s dreams finally became a reality as he joined several models at the Bosi Contemporary art gallery in New York City for the release of the new Red Hot 100 book. The models were, of course, looking as red hot as ever:
Matthew Tharrett
Anderson Cooper and Andy Cohen Talk About Why Gay People Loved Joan Rivers: VIDEO
Bravo’s Andy Cohen joined Anderson Cooper last night to discuss the death and career of Joan Rivers and talked about how the “uncensored diva’s” perseverance and underdog status helped make her a gay icon.
Anderson, however, said he didn’t like her when he was young.
Said Cooper: “As a kid, I didn’t like her, because she actually made fun of my mom (Gloria Vanderbilt) in some jokes when my mom was doing the jeans and stuff… and as a little kid, I found it upsetting to see her making fun of my mom, but as an adult when I got to know her I came to actually like her and appreciate her.”
Watch, AFTER THE JUMP…
Also, if you missed it, watch how all the late night talk show hosts paid tribute to Rivers.
Andy Towle
When Westboro Pushed the Panic! Button
Panic! at the Disco front man Brendon Urie on battling the Westboro Baptist Church and celebrating his sexual fluidity.
Jase Peeples
www.advocate.com/arts-entertainment/music/2014/09/05/when-westboro-pushed-panic-button
This Queer Collective Is Revolutionizing Sex (VIDEO)
“It all started because I wanted a silicone ‘pack and play,'” said Chelsea Downs, co-founder of the New York Toy Collective, a group that hand-makes affordable silicone dildos in Brooklyn. We were speaking over the phone about the Collective’s line of “adult” toys, which are gaining widespread praise for being the most realistic on the market — the enigmatic “pack and play” particularly.
A “pack and play” is how Downs describes the Collective’s dildos that can be “packed” or worn discretely inside clothing, then erect during sex. It’s basically a “ready-to-wear” version of a sex toy. All this is made possible by a “bendable core” inside the dildo that is designed especially for packing, or wearing in a harness, underneath clothing, so when the mood is right, the wearer is good to go — erotic expedience.
“Before we started the company, I’d complain all the time, ‘You are telling me that we can put someone on the Moon, but I can’t have a dildo that I can wear inside my pants on the way to a date, one that’s sterilizeable, affordable, and reflects the color of my skin?” said Downs.
Downs explained that her sense of entrepreneurial ambition came from frustrations with the white straightness of the marketplace in general.
“See, I grew up biracial in a mostly white neighborhood in Manhattan,” Downs said. “When my mom would take me to buy shampoo, the black hair products were always in a small or nonexistent section of the store. The products for me weren’t around any of the other products labeled ‘normal.’ I wasn’t normal, and I didn’t belong. When it came to sex toys, I was tired of not seeing myself reflected in the world.”
I nod on the other end of the receiver. I’m inspired by Downs and her conviction. As a queer, transgender person, I’ve used these toys for the majority of my life. But I never thought it would be possible to improve on the uncomfortable aspects of affordable, accessible dildos. I just assumed there was nothing I could do. Queer sex and sex toys are still veiled in so much shame and secrecy that the majority of us — particularly those without access to a major metropolitan area — have no idea what we are purchasing, how it functions, and if we have the option to shop around.
Recently my partner and I stumbled on “Shilo” from the Collective at Good Vibes in San Francisco. The toy’s aesthetic drew us immediately — it comes in “chocolate, hazelnut, and cashew” but also more vibrant, less realistic colors like “fierce pink.” And the feel. Let’s talk about the feel. For real. This dildo feels like skin. No joke. Not jelly-like or squishy like so many of the products touting a “softer feel.” This one is tough in its softness. My partner investigated the toy and nodded, “This one is a game changer.”
And it is.
“Because the core inside is bendable, different people can use it for different reasons,” said Downs. “If they want to wear it and be ready to go, they can use the dildo without having to break the mood to put it on. It is also designed to move with the wearer and their partner; it’s more forgiving and less intimidating. People really seem to like that.”
Not only that, but each dildo is actually made by hand, starting from the first mould made from clay, then 3D scanned.
“The inception wasn’t much more complicated than that,” Downs said. “We just imagined something with a prominent head, a bit stilyzied, and a bit of realism in the veins, something that would pack well with flexibility.”
The process goes like this: Downs mixes the platinum-based silicone (which is manufactured in the U.S.), pours the silicone into the moulds, takes them out, packages them, puts them in a box, and sends them to customers.
“It’s like the way you’d make a cupcake,” she said, laughing. “But I’m making it sound easy. Selling that first toy was the biggest hurdle. I remember that first sale very vividly. I was so excited. I offered to make it to the customer’s exact skin tone. They gave us a check, and I gave it to them in a brown paper bag.”
Check out the Collective’s “pack and play” demonstration video below:
Since that first sale, the Collective has worked numerous trade shows across the U.S. and is now marketed in sex stores across the U.S., including Good Vibes in San Francisco, Babeland in New York, and recently Pleasure Chest in Los Angeles. (To see complete list, click here.) They were also the subject of international attention when they began offering to 3D scan a person’s own anatomy then turn it into a sex toy. But the group hasn’t achieved all this without difficulty; they were targeted this spring as part of the Chase Bank shutdown of businesses working in the adult industry.
“I’m sure Amazon has sold more dildos all month than I have this year,” said Downs. “[Chase Bank’s decision was] so arbitrary and policing. If I was selling shoes, if I was selling sunglasses, this wouldn’t have happened. These toys are legal to sell; they are made in a legal way. They just wanted to make it harder for us to run our businesses. I’m not interested in fighting them. I just want to keep making innovative toys. If they don’t want my business, I’ll keep moving.”
And the Collective is currently moving at a clip. They’re selling now two different sizes of “pack and play”: the “Shilo,” which is 6 inches in length, and the “Mason,” which is 7.5 inches in length, great for mobility and versatility. The Collective also sells two different “packers” and are the only company currently manufacturing an uncircumcised version, as well as a variety of vibration accessories, all available for purchase online.
“We made the decision at the beginning that as long as we keep making innovative, affordable sex toys, even if we break even, it will be a success,” said Downs. “It was totally worth the risk. Making these products has opened up my life. I’m freer, happier. As people, as queer people, bringing a product to market, executing it is so valuable. I would want to encourage anyone who has an idea to actually give themselves a shot and execute it. Just because it doesn’t exist doesn’t mean it’s impossible. Give yourself a chance to make or create whatever you want.”
LGBT Leaders: “America’s Immigration System is Broken”
In an op-ed for The Advocate, Ana Ma, COO and chief of staff of HRC, and Matthew McClellan, the executive director of the National Council of La Raza Action Fund, urge President Obama to take action on immigration reform.
HRC.org
Grindr Permanently Disables Distance Feature; Are We Supposed To Feel Safer?
Grindr marks the end of an era this week by permanently disabling the app’s “distance” option, which allows users to see exactly how far away other users may be.
The decision to increase privacy protection for all its users comes in direct response to recent allegations that a bug in the app’s system allows tech-savvy users to pinpoint the exact location of users nearby.
The security loophole had been exposed as early as June, when users around the world started noticing messages from anonymous “bot” users informing them of their compromised privacy. Though Grindr doesn’t specifically mention the allegations, the company acknowledges a problem in a statement released to America Blog:
“In light of recent security allegations surrounding a user’s specific location, Grindr has made modifications to no longer show distance information for users. Grindr will continue to make ongoing changes to keep all users secure, as necessary.”
For the average user, turning on the app’s “distance” option wasn’t a major privacy concern. Although it calculated the estimated distance between users, the distance wasn’t guaranteed to be exact and did not indicate which direction users were in relation to each other.
The option to disclose specific distance appealed to many users who used the app to find others in specific areas. As a user in New York City, I personally found that displaying specific distance often inadvertently exposed what neighborhood other guys were in.
But the distance option has become increasingly dangerous for users in countries where being gay may be illegal or a prompt for violence. AB notes that the “European user” who discovered the security flaw also found that the distance option didn’t even need to be turned on for him to find the exact location of other users by manipulating Grindr’s servers.
Editor John Aravosis explains:
The European Grindr user was able to spoof his location to Grindr’s servers, and by doing so three times in three different virtual locations, he was able to triangulate the near-exact location of every Grindr customer who was online at that moment.
In response to the disclosure of the location of 600,000 users, Grindr has turned off its “distance” function. Grindr initially released a statement claiming that the security breach was not a glitch, but rather a feature that Grindr stood behind: “We do not view this as a security flaw.”
But as the exact location of more gay men were exposed, including one at the Republican National Committee headquarters in Washington, DC, a second at the British House of Commons, and a third inside the Russian Kremlin, Grindr finally relented.
You can check out some incriminating maps over at AB, which the anonymous European privacy advocate submitted to show the exact location where some gay men are using Grindr in Russia, and even one lone gay inside the Republican National Committee headquarters in D.C.
Grindr hadn’t mentioned when the new changes will take effect, but at time of posting, my account still displays distance. An update for the app that was released yesterday morning doesn’t indicate any update or patch to the security loophole:
The major security breach is only the most recent complaint brought against the app by disgruntled users.
Previously, at least two lawsuits involving sexual misconduct with minors have dirtied Grindr’s hands — security aside, some users believe the app doesn’t do a good enough job at vetting its users and making sure all are of age to use it.
This year alone, we’ve reported two cases in which Grindr users were murdered (and one attempted murder) after meeting men on the app. Obviously Grindr is not directly responsible for the actions and intent of its users once they meet, but Grindr’s complaint history clearly shows that privacy and protection should be their primary concern moving forward.
Do you feel safe using Grindr?
Matthew Tharrett
Right-wing Nut Linda Harvey Warns Gays Are 'Preying on Children' At LGBT Youth Centers: AUDIO
Doing her best impression of Anita Bryant circa 1977, right wing nutbag Linda Harvey issued a news bulletin on her radio program yesterday about a new MassResistance ‘report’ detailing the growth of dangerous, indoctrinating LGBT youth centers.
“Preying on Children – today you will really want to hold on to your seats because what I’m going to talk about is truly disturbing. You will want to steer your younger children elsewhere for a few minutes,” the segment ominously begins.
Listen, AFTER THE JUMP…
Previously, “Linda Harvey: Labor Day is for Resisting the ‘Homosexual Lobby’ – LISTEN” [tlrd]
Kyler Geoffroy
UCLA TIES: The Let Love Define Family Series
In this week’s Huffington Post Gay Voices RaiseAChild.US “Let Love Define Family™” series installment, we talk with Audra Langley, Ph.D., associate professor in the UCLA Departments of Psychiatry and Pediatrics and executive director of UCLA TIES for Families, about a special program for foster-adopt families. Dr. Langley and her wife, Jessica Garcia, have themselves adopted from the foster care system.
UCLA TIES for Families is an interdisciplinary, university-based program that works in collaboration with the public child welfare and mental health systems. The mission of UCLA TIES (Training, Intervention, Education, and Services) for Families program is to promote the successful adoption, growth and development of children from birth to age 21 with special needs who are in foster care, including prenatal substance exposure, when returning to their biological parents is not in the children’s best interest. The goal of UCLA TIES for Families is to reduce the barriers to successful adoption of children with special needs who are in foster care.
When we at RaiseAChild.US speak with people about their concerns about fostering and adopting through the foster care system, one of the things we hear most often is: “What if I fall in love with a child that has to go back to his or her birth parent?” Our experience is that there are no family building options, including pregnancy, surrogacy and private adoption, that are without risk. But having a foster child reunify with the biological family is a concern specific to the foster-adoption experience. During the orientation and certification training, prospective parents learn why the courts and foster agencies have placed such importance on family reunification and why they see it as in the best interest of the child whenever possible. Prospective parents also learn about ways to cope with the uncertainty.
Many people are not aware of the amount and variety of free services that are made available to foster and adoptive parents and their families. So when we learned about a special program established at UCLA TIES to help support foster parents when the children placed in their care are reunified with their birthparents, we wanted to learn more about the program.
We spoke with Dr. Langley about LIFT (Loss Intervention for Families in Transition), a special program that UCLA TIES runs to help foster-adopt families, also known as resource families, who are facing imminent loss of a child to reunification or have already had a child reunified. LIFT provides free short-term grief counseling and grief support group services for families who live throughout Los Angeles County.—Corinne Lightweaver, RaiseAChild.US
Corinne Lightweaver: Tell me about LIFT and how it started.
Audra Langley: LIFT is funded through a federal diligent recruitment grant administered by the Los Angeles County Department of Children and Family Services (DCFS). Essentially, DCFS and UCLA TIES both recognized the need for people to serve resource parents across the county in order to provide some type of grief counseling for families who are in the process of concurrent planning.
Corinne: Can you explain the terms resource parent and concurrent planning?
Audra: Resource parent is the term used now for foster/adoptive parents and it came about in relation to concurrent planning. L.A. County refers to resource parents as parents who are able to provide foster care and help birth parents reunite, but if the children cannot safely return to their family, resource parents can provide permanent adoptive homes for the children.
Concurrent planning means that two strategies are undertaken at the same time. First, you are working to reunify the child in foster care with his or her birth family. At the same time, you are also working to find the best option for permanency if a child is unable to reunify. When a child is removed from their birth family and placed into foster care, it is not always clear if their birthparents are going to be able to do what they need to do to eventually provide a safe environment and then reunify.
Concurrent planning is a shift from the previous approach of having foster parents distinct from adoptive parents. Now when kids are placed with a foster/adoptive parent, also known as a resource parent, the idea is that that family will first help the child reunify and if that’s not possible will adopt them. Because L.A County’s policy is for concurrent planning, what that means is that resource parents are asked to help the child reunify with their biological parents when family reunification is in place, which is almost always the case with infants.
The goal of this shift to concurrent planning is to lessen the number of transitions for a child. If the child is not able to reunify with the biological parents, they can remain with the resource family they have already become attached to. This is in contrast to the old system where children were placed with a foster parent and when it looked like they wouldn’t be able to reunify and things were going toward a permanency plan, meaning adoption, they were placed with a different family who was an adoptive family. So concurrent planning was really put into place in the best interests of the children in foster care.
However, it can take quite a toll on the resource parent to have to deal with this ambiguity. The resource parents are asked to try to help the child reunify with the birthparent at the same time that they’re attaching and falling in love with the child who they may really want to adopt, which is what you always want because that’s what’s best for children and infants. So it’s good for kids but obviously can be very tough for the resource parents when a child that they think they’re going to be adopting and are caring for as their own becomes reunified either with a birthparent or another family member.
Sometimes it’s an almost inhuman act we’re asking of resource parents to care for a child that they want to adopt and at the same time try to help reunify the family. Because of that complexity, when a child does reunify it leads to grief that’s not always recognized by everyone else. We call it disenfranchised grief. Friends and neighbors of the family might say, “Well, you knew that could happen.” Or, “I told you shouldn’t have foster-adopted.” And there aren’t necessarily resources for this kind of grief because it’s different than having a loved one die and because other people who aren’t going through it don’t necessarily understand what it’s like. So those typical social networks or resources to help a family grieve and process the loss are not in place.
Corinne: So I’m thinking that reunification also affects other children in the resource family.
Audra: Absolutely. If there are other children, it certainly would affect them. The other idea behind being able to process the grief of losing a child who’s been reunified with a birth family is that we want the resource family to be able to recover and process the grief so they are open to reattaching to another child and having another child placed with them. We have these wonderful families who want to be resource parents and who want to ultimately adopt. And in order to do so, especially with infants, they really have to be in the situation of accepting concurrent planning and dealing with that ambiguity and the fact that the child may reunify. Being able to properly process the grief and what they’ve been through and all of those feelings is really helpful. We find that the majority of families that go through our LIFT program are open by the end of their time there to having another child placed with them. And some of them actually do have another child or children placed with them as they’re still finishing up the group.
Corinne: What is the process involved with LIFT?
Audra: So if someone is interested, they can contact us directly or often we get referrals from a foster agency or a DCFS worker. They can live anywhere in the county, although groups take place at UCLA TIES for Families. Our clinician will meet individually with that person and do an intake process and assess their needs. And then typically they’ll enter into our support group. That’s what LIFT is, it’s a group that is provided every other week on a weekday evening. It’s not cut-and-dry in that there’s no set amount of time that people are a part of it. People enter in different stages so some stay longer than others.
Children in foster care are eligible for Medi-Cal so that covers any services to support children, mental health or otherwise, including grief and loss. The missing link is in services for the resource parents. When a transition happens, the children still get access to all the services but suddenly the resource parents don’t have services available to them because they are no longer linked to that child or a child in the system. This is the huge gap that LIFT fills. Oftentimes, the infant, for example, might be doing fine but the parents are not because they’re dealing with all of the ambiguity and legal delays, etc. Interactions with the birth parents, the court, and social workers can be great or they can be really difficult. There is not always funding to provide for the support they need so they can be the best resource parents to that child.
Corinne: What’s the cost of LIFT for the parents?
Audra: Because LIFT is part of a grant that DCFS has received, it’s free of charge at this point. We’re able to provide these services countywide, free of charge. When that grant ends next year, however, I’m not sure. We’re in the process of trying to look for funding to continue. But, honestly, people are less motivated to want to fund things that serve resource families, versus children directly, so it can be a tough sell. We think it is important that the system recognize that supporting resource parents caring for our children in foster care is a vital service to those children.
Corinne: Are there other programs like LIFT?
Audra: Not that we’re aware of. We’re the only program that we’re aware of and we would like to expand it and be able to offer it in other areas of the county to make it more accessible. We have people driving from all over to the UCLA campus in Westwood.
Corinne: Is there anything else that you would like to cover?
Audra: For us, resource family grief was a huge issue that we were seeing families grapple with over the last decade and it was reassuring to us to finally have some funding to be able to provide the services for the families. At the same time, what it does is helps us to retain amazing families who can provide love and attachment to another deserving child.
For more information about LIFT and TIES for Families, call (310) 825-6110 or visit www.tiesforadoption.ucla.edu.
Corinne Lightweaver is the Communications Manager at RaiseAChild.US, a national organization headquartered in Hollywood, California that encourages the LGBT community to build families through fostering and adopting to serve the needs of the 400,000 children in the U.S. foster care system. Since 2011, RaiseAChild.US has run media campaigns and events to educate prospective parents and the public, and has engaged more than 2,200 prospective parents. For information about how you can become a foster or fost/adopt parent, visit www.RaiseAChild.US and click on “Next Step to Parenthood.”
www.huffingtonpost.com/2014/09/05/ucla-ties_n_5768646.html?utm_hp_ref=gay-voices&ir=Gay+Voices
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