{"id":89490,"date":"2019-06-02T10:26:17","date_gmt":"2019-06-02T14:26:17","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.gayfriendschat.com\/socialblog\/when-people-use-metoo-as-a-weapon-of-homophobia\/"},"modified":"2019-06-02T10:26:17","modified_gmt":"2019-06-02T14:26:17","slug":"when-people-use-metoo-as-a-weapon-of-homophobia","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.gayfriendschat.com\/socialblog\/when-people-use-metoo-as-a-weapon-of-homophobia\/","title":{"rendered":"When people use #MeToo as a weapon of homophobia"},"content":{"rendered":"

When people use #MeToo as a weapon of homophobia<\/b><\/p>\n

\"man<\/p>\n

A man<\/a> walks into a bar.<\/p>\n

The women<\/a> all pause. Then\u00a0\u2026 action!<\/em> Mouths drop, knees weaken, and one smitten lady<\/a> after another makes her move. Some pounce, others merely purr. It\u2019s a scenario straight out of a heterosexual male<\/a> fantasy.<\/p>\n

What happens, though, when the admirers are men<\/a>? Does it go from being a straight man<\/a>\u2019s wet dream to an emotionally distressing nightmare? Will he require therapy to recover?<\/p>\n

<\/div>\n

Let\u2019s change the setting to the workplace, where colleagues used to be able to greet each other with kisses on the cheek without #MeToo breathing down their necks. In Buenos Aires, where I lived for four and a half years, it was considered rude not to. Were straight guys<\/a> silently suffering pecks from gay<\/a> colleagues, lying awake at night trying to quell their tormented minds?<\/p>\n

#MeToo has undoubtedly helped a lot of women<\/a> by putting toxic masculinity in its place and exposing widespread harassment, abuse, and worse. Even better, it\u2019s put men<\/a> (and sometimes women<\/a>) on notice that their workplace behavior is being monitored, and that it could cost them their jobs.<\/p>\n

But it\u2019s also blurred the line separating flattery and sexual intimidation while at the same time making workplace friendships extremely risky business. Twitter is not always the best place to adjudicate what are often complicated claims better adjudicated in the courts. After all, weren\u2019t progressives always the ones who promoted privacy and due process?<\/p>\n

They\u2019re not only dangerous for straight men<\/a>, who could be acting inappropriately without even realizing it. Gay men<\/a> are also vulnerable to loopholes in #MeToo. As more grifters try to work a new world order that insists we must always believe the victim, the progressiveness that\u2019s intended to protect minorities and the underprivileged now can so easily work against some of them.<\/p>\n

<\/div>\n

Gay men<\/a> are such easy marks, as social media star James Charles found out after being accused of trying to turn straight men<\/a> gay<\/a> (as if that\u2019s even possible) by flattering them with too much gusto. We\u2019re already often painted with a broad brush: \u201cPREDATORS.\u201d In the eyes of some, we\u2019ll corrupt their children and possibly molest them, too. If we\u2019re not trolling for the underage, we\u2019re trying to convert straight men<\/a> by getting them into bed.<\/p>\n

These days, I sometimes find myself overthinking my behavior around straight men<\/a>. I try not to let a look linger, lest someone accuse me of staring too long. Slow the eye-roll. That once got a former cellmate of the late XXXTentacion nearly beaten to death by the rapper.<\/p>\n

In the current climate, a gesture of camaraderie can retroactively be categorized as a sexual impropriety \u2014 or as an attempt to manipulate another person\u2019s sexual orientation. It recently happened to someone close to me whose friend-turned-ex-employee accused him of firing him because he was straight.<\/p>\n

<\/div>\n

The crux of his case was a friendly kiss on the cheek in a restaurant. He won a sizable settlement, not because the tribunal believed he had suffered emotionally but because there was no way of proving he hadn\u2019t.<\/p>\n

Had the boss been a woman<\/a>, the disgruntled former subordinate with a documented history of poor performance probably wouldn\u2019t have had much of a case. It\u2019s hard to imagine that a tribunal would have been any more likely to take it seriously than an attempt by a gay<\/a> man<\/a> to wrest a cash settlement from a female<\/a> boss by characterizing her<\/em> kiss on his cheek as an attempt to turn him straight and a source of mental distress.<\/p>\n

This isn\u2019t to deny that gay<\/a> men<\/a>, like straight men<\/a>, can sometimes be overly aggressive with their ardor, as Charles admittedly has. Sexual orientation doesn\u2019t predispose one to inappropriate behavior, and it doesn\u2019t excuse one from it either.<\/p>\n

<\/div>\n

But what happens when sexual orientation becomes the entire story, when it\u2019s not so much about a kiss on the cheek, or a compliment, as it is about a kiss or a compliment offered by a gay<\/a> man<\/a>?<\/p>\n

It\u2019s a twist most of us didn\u2019t see coming as laws of discrimination were created to serve the unprivileged. But here\u2019s the next twist: If we are largely powerless against this development, we partly have ourselves to blame.<\/p>\n

\u201cAlways believe the victim!\u201d we shouted from the rooftops as #MeToo gained traction, ignoring the reality that people, even alleged victims, sometimes lie. It\u2019s created an environment in which we\u2019re terrified of challenging any accusation of sexual impropriety, lest we, in turn, be accused of deterring others from coming forward.<\/p>\n

<\/div>\n

We\u2019ve adjusted the demands of decorum to protect accusers, while waiving \u201cInnocent until proven guilty,\u201d a concept that\u2019s meant to protect the accused. Now a homophobic straight man<\/a> with dollar signs compromising his morality can use the compassion we demand for alleged victims to further an anti-gay<\/a> agenda and earn a quick pay-out.<\/p>\n

Homophobia wins.<\/p>\n

How do we fight back? Do we watch our every move around straight men<\/a>, refuse to be alone with them without witnesses present, and only engage in the most clinical \u201cbro\u201d-friendly interactions with them? Do we retreat back into our safe spaces, where a kiss on the cheek, or a compliment, is less likely to come back to haunt us?<\/p>\n

<\/div>\n

How do we fix a flawed system that now can be manipulated so easily by a con? The first step is to value facts over emotions. We need to stop using psychology to rationalize inconsistencies. We need to be unafraid to ask tough questions, even at the risk of deterring future victims from coming forward. We need to demand that they come forward anyway, because as with any crime, waiting a week or a month or a year or decades to do so, obstructs justice.<\/p>\n

Legal recourse won\u2019t always work, but swift, decisive action, is the best reaction. Calling out offensive behavior when it happens and making a record of it and reporting sexual assault as soon as physically possible helps protect accusers from charges of machination.<\/p>\n

Yes, we live<\/a> in a complicated world where trauma often precludes rational thinking, but the legal system must protect everyone, not just the traumatized. We shouldn\u2019t hold alleged victims of sexual improprieties to a lesser burden of proof at the expense of possibly innocent defendants.<\/p>\n

That just creates more potential victims and a broken system that serves up retribution, not truth and justice. Ultimately, those who suffer most might end up being those who are most in need of protection.<\/p>\n

\n<\/a> <\/a>\n<\/div>\n

\nwww.queerty.com\/people-use-metoo-weapon-homophobia-20190602?utm_source=feedburner&utm_medium=feed&utm_campaign=Feed%3A+queerty2+%28Queerty%29<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

When people use #MeToo as a weapon of homophobia A man<\/a> walks into a bar. The women<\/a> all pause. Then\u00a0\u2026 action! Mouths drop, knees weaken, and one smitten lady<\/a> after another makes her move. Some pounce, others merely purr. It\u2019s a scenario straight out of a heterosexual male<\/a> fantasy. What happens, though, when the admirers … Continue reading When people use #MeToo as a weapon of homophobia<\/span> →<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2466,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[107],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-89490","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-news"],"yoast_head":"\nWhen people use #MeToo as a weapon of homophobia - GAYFRIENDSCHAT.com<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/www.gayfriendschat.com\/socialblog\/when-people-use-metoo-as-a-weapon-of-homophobia\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"When people use #MeToo as a weapon of homophobia - GAYFRIENDSCHAT.com\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"When people use #MeToo as a weapon of homophobia A man walks into a bar. 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