{"id":63950,"date":"2018-02-09T14:15:37","date_gmt":"2018-02-09T19:15:37","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.gayfriendschat.com\/socialblog\/grief-doesnt-wait-for-a-person-to-die\/"},"modified":"2018-02-09T14:15:37","modified_gmt":"2018-02-09T19:15:37","slug":"grief-doesnt-wait-for-a-person-to-die","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.gayfriendschat.com\/socialblog\/grief-doesnt-wait-for-a-person-to-die\/","title":{"rendered":"Grief Doesn&#8217;t Wait For A Person To Die"},"content":{"rendered":"<p><b>Grief Doesn&#8217;t Wait For A Person To Die<\/b><br \/>\n<img decoding=\"async\" src=\"http:\/\/img.huffingtonpost.com\/asset\/5a7d85e51e00002c007ab33f.jpeg\" data-caption=\"\" alt=\"\" data-credit=\"tommaso79 via Getty Images\" data-portal-copyright=\"tommaso79 via Getty Images\" data-provider=\"getty\" data-provider-asset-id=\"656287338\" data-has-syndication-rights=\"true\"><\/p>\n<p>Whilst walking to an appointment today, I was wondering why the \u2018I need my mum [insert tears here]\u2019 feelings had been stirring again over the last few days. Part of it is the state of my life right now. But then I realised that today marks four years since I found out that Mum had a terminal diagnosis.<\/p>\n<p>One day. One conversation. One car journey. My life hasn\u2019t been the same ever since.<\/p>\n<p>\u2018Diagnosis day\u2019 was a weird one. I was volunteering in Leeds (following a very early morning). Dad text me asking me where I was, which was weird, because I was at uni so he no longer ever needed to know where I was. He drove over, picked me up, and told me while he was driving. I looked out of the window. I didn\u2019t want him to see me cry. We got home and didn\u2019t talk about it. Mum and I took a selfie. I went back to uni later that afternoon.<\/p>\n<p>My grief started that day.<\/p>\n<p>It\u2019s a difficult one to articulate. How can you grieve for a person who\u2019s still there? How can you grieve for your old life, when nothing\u2019s really changed (yet)? The only thing that\u2019s changed is that you\u2019ve received a new piece of information. Everything else is the same.<\/p>\n<p>But you do start grieving. In and amongst all the oh-my-goodness-shock-confusion-trying-to-work-it-all-out, there\u2019s grief. It\u2019s been four years, but it\u2019s something I\u2019ve struggled to come to terms with. That is until I started listening to <a href=\"https:\/\/twitter.com\/thegriefcast?lang=en\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"nofollow\">The Grief Cast podcast<\/a> lately. Many episodes have people who describe their grief starting while their loved one was still alive. It\u2019s helped me realise that it\u2019s okay. It\u2019s okay that my grief began that day. I\u2019m not alone.<\/p>\n<p>From the moment you find out that your loved one is dying, everything changes. I mean everything. The solid foundation of \u2018Mum will always be there\u2019 disappears from beneath your feet. You become more careless with money (can\u2019t take it with you when you\u2019re dead). Assignments feel pointless. Relationships develop new importance. Jobs can feel worthless. Sleep can go out of whack. Food can go a bit wonky. Every time your phone rings, you\u2019re convinced that someone else you love is dying or has died. Your anxiety can skyrocket. You start crying at random objects. Everything changes.<\/p>\n<p>You become a member of a club you never wanted to be in. Grief begins.<\/p>\n<p>You grieve your old carefree life. You wish that the most important thing on your mind was still what to wear for a Friday night out. You begin to miss the person your loved one was, as you watch them fade away in front of your eyes. You watch your family change, too. Morphing into a different family from the one you grew up with, as everyone tries to work out how best to cope. You spend night after night mulling things over, crying, getting angry and bargaining with the unknown. Later on you begin to wish that your loved one would die. You can\u2019t stand seeing them so unwell, and your life is on hold until the point of death. Then you feel guilty and angry at yourself for feeling that way. Grief is well and truly present.<\/p>\n<p>We need to move away from the assumption that we can only grieve once a person is dead. We need to move away from the stereotype that grief is a whole load of crying for a while, then it\u2019s finished and you move on. It\u2019s damaging to have these stereotypes because it makes it so much harder when you do have to experience the reality of grief. It can also cause people to react to our grief in insensitive (and sometimes bizarre) ways.<\/p>\n<p>Grief is ugly. Grief is painful. Grief is messy. Grief is unpredictable. Grief can come in waves. Grief can rear it\u2019s ugly head unexpectedly. Grief doesn\u2019t have a nice, neat, end point. Grief is a life-long experience that affects us from the moment it begins. And that beginning is the moment our life changes. Not necessarily the moment when person dies.<\/p>\n<p>\n<a href=\"http:\/\/www.huffingtonpost.co.uk\/entry\/grief-doesnt-wait-for-a-person-to-die_uk_5a7c6377e4b033149e401c9b\" class=\"autohyperlink\">www.huffingtonpost.co.uk\/entry\/grief-doesnt-wait-for-a-person-to-die_uk_5a7c6377e4b033149e401c9b<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Grief Doesn&#8217;t Wait For A Person To Die Whilst walking to an appointment today, I was wondering why the \u2018I need my mum [insert tears here]\u2019 feelings had been stirring again over the last few days. Part of it is the state of my life right now. But then I realised that today marks four &hellip; <a href=\"https:\/\/www.gayfriendschat.com\/socialblog\/grief-doesnt-wait-for-a-person-to-die\/\" class=\"more-link\">Continue reading <span class=\"screen-reader-text\">Grief Doesn&#8217;t Wait For A Person To Die<\/span> <span class=\"meta-nav\">&rarr;<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2466,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[107],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-63950","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-news"],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO plugin v27.4 - https:\/\/yoast.com\/product\/yoast-seo-wordpress\/ -->\n<title>Grief Doesn&#039;t Wait For A Person To Die - GAYFRIENDSCHAT.com<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/www.gayfriendschat.com\/socialblog\/grief-doesnt-wait-for-a-person-to-die\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Grief Doesn&#039;t Wait For A Person To Die - GAYFRIENDSCHAT.com\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"Grief Doesn&#8217;t Wait For A Person To Die Whilst walking to an appointment today, I was wondering why the \u2018I need my mum [insert tears here]\u2019 feelings had been stirring again over the last few days. Part of it is the state of my life right now. 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