How To Help Your Children Adjust To A Blended Family<\/b>
\nThe breakdown of a relationship is undoubtedly going to be hard on children caught in the crossfire, but sometimes the hardest change comes later when parents move on and find new partners.<\/p>\n
These new partners may already have children of their own they want to bring into the household, in fact\u00a0statistics\u00a0show one in nine families in Britain is now \u2018blended\u2019 or incorporating children who have different genetic parents.<\/p>\n
Lizi Jackson-Barrett, 40, split from the father of her eight-year-old twins in 2012 and in the six years since has remarried and acquired a stepbrother and stepsister for her kids. She told HuffPost UK that her twins found getting used to a new family dynamic tough.<\/p>\n
\u201cAt first they found it upsetting, but as time has gone on it\u2019s actually helped them learn to be more resilient,\u201d she said.<\/p>\n
\u201cWith plenty of reassurance from me and my husband, they\u2019ve learned it is okay for families to argue and that it doesn\u2019t mean we\u2019ve stopped loving each other.\u201d<\/p>\n
Make Sure You Are Certain Of Your Situation<\/p>\n
It\u2019s not very romantic, but Rose Stone, head of advice and information at Gingerbread, the UK charity for single parent families, says before you go any further with this plan, you need to look into how becoming a blended family will affect you financially, to avoid any unforeseen issues that could unsettle your kids.<\/p>\n
\u201cThink about your housing \u2013 it\u2019s worth checking your rights and responsibilities. Your status may change once you\u2019re living with a new partner,\u201d explained Stone.<\/p>\n
\u201cYour finances will also change. In particular, benefits and tax credits you receive will need to be recalculated to take into account that you\u2019re in a couple<\/a> family now. Be sure to check your situation if you\u2019re receiving tax credits or universal credit as there are new rules for families with more than two children, for example.\u201d<\/p>\n Be Open With Your Children<\/p>\n Once you and your partner are certain you\u2019d like to become a step-family then don\u2019t delay in telling your children your plans.<\/p>\n \u201cIt is important to talk openly to your children about what this means and how things will be different, so that you can support them through this transition,\u201d explained Stone<\/p>\n By keeping them in the dark for a longer period, you might feel like you\u2019re protecting them, but they\u2019ll only end up feeling left out and as thought changes have been sprung on them.<\/p>\n Understand That This Might Not Be Good News<\/p>\n Although this is an exciting time for you and your new partner, you cannot expect that from day one your children are going to be on board with this idea.<\/p>\n Cathy Ranson, editor of parenting video<\/a> community\u00a0ChannelMum\u00a0advised: \u201cUnderstand there maybe upset. Some blended families form as the result of death, divorce or relationship break-ups. There may be baggage and pain from both the adults and the children, so give everyone the space and support they need.\u201d<\/p>\n Reassure Your Children About Your Relationship With Them<\/p>\n Starting in the earliest conversations with your children, make a special effort to focus on how much you love them, and that becoming a blended family doesn\u2019t change that at all.<\/p>\n Ranson advised:\u00a0\u201cBe clear and explain they are your number one priority before you think about introducing then to a new partner and the other children.\u201d<\/p>\n \u00a0This reassurance will need to continue as your relationship progresses.<\/p>\n Jackson-Barrett said: \u201cMy children have struggled to learn to share me and my husband (who they call<\/a> dad) with two other children.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cWe work hard to try to give every child some attention, and to make sure no-one feels left out.\u00a0We also try to make sure we have \u2018family time\u2019 when they\u2019re here \u2013 it might be a walk in the local park, or sitting together to watch a nature documentary.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cIntroductions and the moving in process should be slow, I would not introduce the children to the new partner until the relationship is stable so possibly eight to 12 months down the line,\u201d she said. \u201cWhat you don\u2019t want is another relationship break up so you need to make sure 100% that it\u2019s stable.\u201d\u00a0<\/p>\n Ranson added: \u201cDon\u2019t rush it, no matter how in love you are. Kids come first.\u201d<\/p>\n This won\u2019t happen overnight, so listen to what your children are telling you about how they feel and act accordingly.<\/p>\n Make The First Meeting As Relaxed As Possible<\/p>\n Once you have decided you want to take this to the next level, you might think you need to make the introductions a formal occasion, as there\u2019s no doubt this is a big moment in your children\u2019s lives, but actually that could just make things more difficult.<\/p>\n Ranson advised: \u201cMake the first meeting relaxed and informal. A playdate for young children away from home so you are not one someone\u2019s \u2018turf\u2019 is ideal. Or try a cool restaurant teens<\/a> will love for older kids. Add in some sweets and naughty treats so it\u2019s remembered positively.\u201d<\/p>\n Think Carefully About Sharing Space<\/p>\n It might seem the logical next step to you and your partner, but moving in together is a huge change for your children and requires a lot of thought.<\/p>\n \u201cMoving into a shared space needs careful management,\u201d advised Ranson. \u201cEnsure all children are treated equally – there can be no favouritism. Work out who gets which bedroom carefully as a smaller room or sharing with a sibling when you had your own room before can be seen as a slight which wounds deeply.\u201d\u00a0 Jackson-Barrett said her children have struggled somewhat with having to share their home when their stepbrother and stepsister come to stay every second weekend.<\/p>\n \u201cWe have to move everyone around a bit to fit the whole family in, which means giving up their own space in their own bedroom sometimes,\u201d she said.<\/p>\n Celebrate The Small Wins With Your Partner<\/p>\n At each step, tensions are probably going to be running high, so respect boundaries and understand that small wins are just as important as major breakthroughs for long term success with your new partner.<\/p>\n You should also make time for the two of you and remember why you started this process.<\/p>\n \u201cYour partnership may come under pressure. Accept that the ups and downs of blended family life comes as part of the package,\u201d advised Ranson. \u201cLaugh, cry if you need to, and remember with love and understanding, even the most difficult of situations will work out.\u201d How To Help Your Children Adjust To A Blended Family The breakdown of a relationship is undoubtedly going to be hard on children caught in the crossfire, but sometimes the hardest change comes later when parents move on and find new partners. These new partners may already have children of their own they want to … Continue reading How To Help Your Children Adjust To A Blended Family<\/span>
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\nwww.huffingtonpost.co.uk\/entry\/how-to-help-your-children-adjust-to-a-blended-family_uk_5a5c8531e4b04f3c55a43666<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"