{"id":58821,"date":"2017-12-08T06:15:39","date_gmt":"2017-12-08T11:15:39","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.gayfriendschat.com\/socialblog\/heavy-negative-trips-from-our-parents-a-tongue-in-cheek-guide\/"},"modified":"2017-12-08T06:15:39","modified_gmt":"2017-12-08T11:15:39","slug":"heavy-negative-trips-from-our-parents-a-tongue-in-cheek-guide","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.gayfriendschat.com\/socialblog\/heavy-negative-trips-from-our-parents-a-tongue-in-cheek-guide\/","title":{"rendered":"Heavy Negative Trips From Our Parents: A Tongue-in-cheek Guide"},"content":{"rendered":"

Heavy Negative Trips From Our Parents: A Tongue-in-cheek Guide<\/b>
\n\"Parents<\/p>\n

I was sitting in the Caf\u00e9 des Poseurs the other day, drinking a skinny soy latte and pondering the nature of existence, when I suddenly realised why things go so terribly wrong in our lives. It\u2019s nothing to do with us; it\u2019s all because of heavy negative trips our parents laid on us when we were young. Do these expressions ring any bells for you (or Is it just me?}\u2026.. – \u201cWe\u2019re not made of money, you know\u201d, \u201cYou\u2019ll poke your eye out with that stick!\u201d, \u201cDon\u2019t expect too much and you won\u2019t be disappointed.\u201d<\/p>\n

This stuff could shape your whole outlook on life. Heavy Negative Trips, I call<\/a> them. We all get subtle messages from our parents about life and how it should be lived, don\u2019t we? Some of us get predominantly positive messages, while the less fortunate among us don\u2019t; we get HNTs.<\/p>\n

\"My<\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/p>\n

There are strong recurring patterns which characterize HNTs: they\u2019re part of a whole folk vernacular, repeated ad nauseam – a highly specialised form of negative affirmation which thrives on the power of repetition. Things that get repeated quickly become acceptable, and before long acquire the status of self-evident truth. These expressions get passed down through the generations; your parents got theirs from their own parents. It\u2019s our parents they\u2019re coming from, we naturally think \u2013 so obviously they must be right. Our parents are always right, aren\u2019t they? As they keep reminding us, \u201cYour mother knows best\/ It\u2019s for your own good\/ Don\u2019t say I didn\u2019t warn you\u201d.<\/p>\n

Classic HNTs fall into a range of favourite categories. Parental authority is a popular theme, \u201cThe answer is no\/ How many times do I have to tell you?\/ You never listen to me\/ In one ear, out the other. Alongside these are the frighteners, \u201dStop doing that, it\u2019ll make you go blind\/ Put that down, you don\u2019t know where it\u2019s been!\u201d\/ just wait till your father gets home!\u201d<\/p>\n

Danger provides endless justification for HNTs, \u201cThis activity is dangerous\/ that activity is dangerous\/ life is extremely dangerous.\u201d That\u2019s the message – just assume that everything is just too dangerous. \u201cYou\u2019ll cut your finger\/ you\u2019ll break your neck\/ you\u2019ll fall off that ladder\/ don\u2019t come running to me if you break your neck on that bicycle!\u201d Tragedy lurks around every corner; something really terrible about to happen, at any moment. There\u2019s also the fact that some adults just can\u2019t cope with their children\u2019s unstoppable energy, ceaseless curiosity and appetite for excitement: \u201cStop running round, you\u2019re wearing me out!\u201d<\/p>\n

The innate difficulty of life is also popular source material. \u201cLife Is not a bed of roses\/ Money doesn\u2019t grow on trees\/ There are no free lunches\/ Don\u2019t count your chickens before they\u2019re hatched\/ You don\u2019t know how lucky you are\u2026\u201d etc etc etc. Life, in this subtext, is not actually there to be enjoyed – and each ethnic tradition adds its own particular variation of pessimistic cultural baggage: Protestant puritanism, Catholic guilt, Jewish angst, Buddhist suffering \u2013 you name it. Of course, these messages are mostly unconscious. Later in life you\u2019ll have a hell of a time disentangling the good intentions from the rest; it\u2019s the perfect seedbed for a nice crop of future neuroses.<\/p>\n

My personal favourite category is those blatantly self-fulfilling parental prophecies: \u201cI said this would happen didn\u2019t I\/ There\u2019ll be tears before bed-time\/You see, I knew you\u2019d fall off that ladder!\u201d Furthermore: \u201cWe\u2019re only doing this because we love you\u201d. And (unconvincingly while lovingly administering punishment), \u201cthis is going to hurt me more than it hurts you!\u201d<\/p>\n

But of course they really do <\/em>love us; they really do <\/em>mean well. They really are <\/em>doing their best – it\u2019s just that they\u2019ve a funny way of showing it. And the fact is that we\u2019ve probably driven them to it \u2013 we\u2019ve worn them down and they\u2019re probably at their wit\u2019s end, thanks to how naughty and wild and just plain horrible we\u2019ve been.<\/p>\n

But then it occurred to me, as I sat with my faux lattechino \u2013 growing up, I swore I\u2019d never treat my children that way. But now I\u2019m a parent I probably do much the same with my children, \u201cGet out from under my feet\/ I\u2019m sick and tired of telling you\/ Why, when we were young..\u201d I imagine I\u2019m not alone.<\/p>\n

So what can be done, beyond getting a lot of expensive therapy? Well, maybe I can be a bit more conscious about the whole thing, about the things I\u2019m worried about, and how I\u2019m saying what I want to say – maybe find a more positive and optimistic way of putting the messages across, \u201cTake care<\/em> how you ride your bike\/<\/strong>Hold onto <\/em>that ladder\/ Let\u2019s make the most of <\/em>the money we have\u201d. Oh yes, and \u201cLet\u2019s have <\/em>fun and let\u2019s enjoy life!\u201d<\/p>\n

I\u2019m going to try, anyway.<\/p>\n

\"Such<\/p>\n

For more on this, visit www.gerrymaguirethompson.com <\/a><\/p>\n

\nwww.huffingtonpost.co.uk\/entry\/heavy-negative-trips-from-our-parents-a-tongue-in-cheek-guide_uk_5a2981efe4b006a26fb3d129<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Heavy Negative Trips From Our Parents: A Tongue-in-cheek Guide I was sitting in the Caf\u00e9 des Poseurs the other day, drinking a skinny soy latte and pondering the nature of existence, when I suddenly realised why things go so terribly wrong in our lives. It\u2019s nothing to do with us; it\u2019s all because of heavy … Continue reading Heavy Negative Trips From Our Parents: A Tongue-in-cheek Guide<\/span> →<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2466,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[107],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-58821","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-news"],"yoast_head":"\nHeavy Negative Trips From Our Parents: A Tongue-in-cheek Guide - GAYFRIENDSCHAT.com<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/www.gayfriendschat.com\/socialblog\/heavy-negative-trips-from-our-parents-a-tongue-in-cheek-guide\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Heavy Negative Trips From Our Parents: A Tongue-in-cheek Guide - GAYFRIENDSCHAT.com\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"Heavy Negative Trips From Our Parents: A Tongue-in-cheek Guide I was sitting in the Caf\u00e9 des Poseurs the other day, drinking a skinny soy latte and pondering the nature of existence, when I suddenly realised why things go so terribly wrong in our lives. 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