{"id":52615,"date":"2017-04-28T10:20:31","date_gmt":"2017-04-28T14:20:31","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.gayfriendschat.com\/socialblog\/beaches-briefs-and-so-many-brandons-on-the-premiere-of-fire-island-recap\/"},"modified":"2017-04-28T10:20:31","modified_gmt":"2017-04-28T14:20:31","slug":"beaches-briefs-and-so-many-brandons-on-the-premiere-of-fire-island-recap","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.gayfriendschat.com\/socialblog\/beaches-briefs-and-so-many-brandons-on-the-premiere-of-fire-island-recap\/","title":{"rendered":"Beaches, Briefs and So Many Brandons On the Premiere of \u2018Fire Island\u2019 \u2013 RECAP"},"content":{"rendered":"

Beaches, Briefs and So Many Brandons On the Premiere of \u2018Fire Island\u2019 \u2013 RECAP<\/b><\/p>\n

\"Fire<\/p>\n

So, here\u2019s the thing, I\u2019m not sure what Fire Island<\/em> could\u2019ve done to be any better. That\u2019s not to say it\u2019s prestige television, but it\u2019s certainly not the train wreck people (myself included) worried it might be.<\/p>\n

Logo has gotten savvy to the complaints that typically plague LGBTQ-focused shows. They\u2019ve got a cast that\u2019s not all white. (Look, I\u2019m not the one who set the bar so low.) They\u2019ve got a mix of 20- and 30-year-old castmates (and make space for older voices in tonight\u2019s second episode). They even included a bear-ier dude in the group. Not only that, but most of these guys<\/a> are articulate, charming and overall intelligent.<\/p>\n

Of course, it\u2019s not possible to please everyone, and no cast is going to be able to reflect the diversity of the entire LGBTQ community. However, fresh out the gate, Fire Island<\/em> sidestepped the kinds of pitfalls that have internet commenters like myself licking their chops when a series like this drops.<\/p>\n

The series\u2019 strength, though, is also its weakness. I don\u2019t watch garbage shows like Vanderpump Rules<\/em> and Southern Charm<\/em> because the cast members are respectable representatives of their communities (those communities being cocaine monsters with failed modeling careers and slightly richer, Southern cocaine monsters, respectively).<\/p>\n

Logo\u2019s last big swing at reality TV, Finding Prince Charming<\/em>, struggled to wring drama from its rather bland contestant pool as well, but the competitive nature of the show and the low-budget cheese made it a show I loved to hate each\u00a0week and I will for sure be tuning in for season two. Hey, it\u2019s not like The Bachelor\/Bachelorette<\/em> is about to enter it\u2019s 486th season fueled solely by viewers that truly\u00a0believe in love at first group date, or whatever.<\/p>\n

The central conflict of Fire Island<\/em>\u2019s early episodes stems from the housemates\u2019 diverging definitions of a good time. One camp wants to make family dinners and throw family barbecues and, I don\u2019t know, read Family Circus<\/em> over avocado toast\u00a0with their boyfriends, while the others want to wave their Andrew Christian bulges in the face of every passerby. They\u2019re a house divided.<\/p>\n

It\u2019s a microcosm of a larger conversation about \u201cmainstreaming\u201d and the overt-sexuality of the gay<\/a> community that\u2019s constantly playing out in queer spaces, at Pride events and in the comments of blogs like this. Whether or not anyone involved is intentionally drawing that parallel, it\u2019s interesting to see unfold, even in this fairly frivolous context.<\/p>\n

But who are these guys<\/a> anyway? Let\u2019s dive into the details in our recap below. Tonight\u2019s premiere was a two-parter, so it\u2019s long one. Settle in, and keep your d*cks in your trunks, PLEASE.<\/p>\n

\"Fire<\/p>\n

The first guy<\/a> we meet is Khasan, a dancer\/choreographer and the central axis of the crew. He is also so painfully good-looking that watching\u00a0him actually hurts my eyes. He\u2019s got a boyfriend in New York, but they\u2019ve been doing the long-distance thing while Khasan\u2019s been in LA working with up and comers like P!nk, Jennifer Lopez and Katy Perry. He\u2019s also the only man<\/a> I\u2019ve seen rock a wide-brimmed hat and not look like he\u2019s been pawing through the HAIM sisters\u2019 luggage or trying to join a coven.<\/p>\n

\"Fire<\/p>\n

Next we meet Khasan\u2019s bestie, Jorge, who looks both ruggedly handsome and\u00a0completely insane. He\u2019s got this wide-eyed manic energy that makes him seem like a total lunatic. His relationship with Khasan doesn\u2019t help make him seem any tamer. They met when Khasan was touring with Jennifer Lopez in Venezuela, and Jorge rolled up to his hotel with five Escalades and kept him out until 9 a.m. which all\u00a0sounds like something that would happen in that awful Emma Roberts\/Dave Franco movie, Nerve<\/em>.<\/p>\n

Jorge left his boyfriend, his family and his career AS A DOCTOR in Venezuela to move to NYC, and it seems like he\u2019s redirected ALL of that energy back onto Khasan. (Who could blame him?) It makes me worried that this will all end with Jorge and Khasan\u2019s boyfriend in a deadly brawl, a la Beyonc\u00e9 and Ali Larter in Obsessed<\/em>. They both swear up and down there\u2019s nothing sexual to their relationship, but Jorge seems like he\u2019s very, very close to boiling bunnies.<\/p>\n

(Jorge also says they\u2019re \u201cCinderella Slipper Sisters\u201d which feels like something you call<\/a> your buddy when you realize you\u2019ve been banging the same foot fetishist.)<\/p>\n

\"Fire<\/p>\n

As crazy as Jorge seems, it\u2019s Brandon that calls<\/a> himself the \u201ccrazy little one,\u201d whatever that means. He\u2019s a 21-year-old adorable student, a little babygay who\u2019s as passionate about taking pictures of naked<\/a> men<\/a> as I am at looking at them, apparently. He seems fine enough, and he\u2019s one of like 1,000 Brandons we\u2019ll meet this summer.<\/p>\n

\"Fire<\/p>\n

Then there\u2019s Cheyenne, a professional hot person. Like, that\u2019s his job, being hot on the Internet. What a time to be alive! He\u2019s also for sure the most insufferable of all the castmates, because, as a hot person, he\u2019s used to getting his way all the time, and also because he\u2019s constantly making obvious, naughty little jokes and then laughing at himself in his confessionals like a complete tool. He talks about being 29 as if it makes him some kind of ancient avatar of wisdom. If we get to vote anyone off the island, he\u2019s my choice, for sure.<\/p>\n

\"Fire<\/p>\n

Our token \u201cbear\u201d is Justin, and he will not stop reminding us about it. It\u2019s great to see a gay<\/a> man<\/a> who doesn\u2019t fit the typical body standard on TV, even if that gay<\/a> man<\/a> still for sure hits the gym and has a much better body than someone who, let\u2019s say, lives mostly on disco fries and spends his time on the couch recapping television shows on the internet, just for example. But, hey, good for him!<\/p>\n

It\u2019s time to make the trek to Fire Island, so Justin calls<\/a> Cheyenne to check on his ETA. Cheyenne tells Justin he\u2019s in an Uber, but, duh, he\u2019s trying on skimpy swimsuits instead (ugh, Cheyenne!).<\/p>\n

I\u2019m not sure how many of you have taken the journey to Fire Island yourselves, but it requires trains, buses, ships, magic elevators, pneumatic tubes and a ride on Falkor. All the boys<\/a> arrive (ugh, even Cheyenne) and scope out the house.<\/p>\n

Compared to the Finding Prince Charming<\/em> house, this one is far\u00a0less tacky, almost disappointingly so. Whereas the FPC<\/em> mansion looked like it was furnished by an interior decorator that moonlighted as a designer of professional wrestler trunks in the early \u201890s, this has more bright, natural light, neutral fabrics and a soothing aromatherapy mix of hair product and poppers.<\/p>\n

\"Fire<\/p>\n

There\u2019s still one more cast member to arrive. His name is Patrick, and, boy<\/a>, are people going to have strong feelings about him. He\u2019s here, he\u2019s queer and he\u2019s trying to make \u201cskrop tops\u201d happen. On paper, he\u2019s not everyone\u2019s cup of vodka\/Red Bull. However, I\u2019ve found myself on his side more than the other boys<\/a> whenever they\u2019ve clashed. I\u2019d rather have a blast sharing a Fire Island house with Patrick and a bunch of dudes dangling their dingalings than, ugh, Cheyenne. But more on that soon.<\/p>\n

First, it\u2019s \u201ctea\u201d time, so the boys<\/a> hit the bars, except for Justin and Patrick, who stay behind to cook a \u201cfamily dinner.\u201d Justin cooks up fried chicken cutlets, as if these guys<\/a> eat anything beside kale, protein powder and Molly. They all agree to be home by 8 p.m. (or as Patrick tries to brand it, \u201cgay<\/a> 7\u201d), but, of course, Lil\u2019 Brandon and, ugh, Cheyenne are late. This hurts Justin\u2019s fee-fees. Relax, man<\/a>, this is vacation. If I needed a sturdy Italian to cook me dinner, I\u2019d visit my mother and save the trip on the ferry.<\/p>\n

The real highlight of the weekend is the Pines Party, a massive party on the beach that we see almost none of, probably because of all the drugs and nudity and difficulty getting the rights to a bunch of house remixes. The theme was allegedly Xanadu,\u00a0<\/em>which the guys<\/a> interpreted thusly:<\/p>\n

\"Fire<\/p>\n

Oh no she betta\u00a0Xana<\/em>don\u2019t.<\/p>\n

The next morning is rough for everyone, but Jorge has his heart set on a \u201cfamily\u201d barbecue. Patrick invites over a boy<\/a> he\u2019s I guess to just basically having sex<\/a> with also named, sigh, Brandon. This Brandon has actual angel wings tattooed on his back, which I think more or less is all the description you need.<\/p>\n

Justin had already embarrassed Patrick earlier when he greeted Winged Brandon like a Jewish mother cooing over what a cute couple<\/a> they make. The insinuation that they would ever be monogamous clearly makes both Patrick and Winged Brandon uncomfortable. When Winged Brandon shows up to cook at the BBQ, Jorge ambushes him and makes a big fuss.<\/p>\n

Things get a touch more interesting when Winged Brandon forgets that he\u2019s mic\u2019d. (As an aside, the mics are my favorite thing about this show. Since no one wears shirts, they all wear these weird microphone necklaces that remind me of the collars in Battle Royale<\/em>, which would be one hell of a twist on this show.) Off camera<\/a> (but on mic), Winged Brandon confesses that he\u2019s flying out to see a boy<\/a> in Texas on the guy<\/a>\u2019s dime, even though he tells Patrick he\u2019s visiting family. Yikes.<\/p>\n

That\u2019s not Winged Brandon\u2019s only party foul. One of his friends at some point starts to get naked<\/a>, which, as I understand it, is pretty well-sanctioned on Fire Island. This does not fly with Jorge and his idea of a \u201cfamily\u201d barbecue. He flies off the handle, and it\u2019s funny how quickly he goes from describing this as \u201cour barbecue\u201d to \u201cmy barbecue.\u201d<\/p>\n

\"Fire<\/p>\n

All the blame falls on Patrick, but the guys<\/a> finish their weekend with a \u201cfamily\u201d meeting and a toast to, ugh, \u201c#communication.\u201d Sure, it was Khasan who proposed the hashtag toast, but still somehow I want to blame Cheyenne?<\/p>\n

Episode two kicks off, and it\u2019s take your boyfriend to work weekend. Justin takes his bf Austin, and Khasan has his man<\/a> Jason tagging along, much to the dismay of Jorge.<\/p>\n

When they all arrive at the house, poor, sweet Jason is immediately greeted by Jorge literally throwing himself at Khasan. All the guys<\/a> are going to an underwear party tonight, but Khasan and Jason are staying home, also much to the dismay of Jorge.<\/p>\n

\"Fire<\/p>\n

Underwear parties might not be fun for everyone, but they are definitely not fun for, ugh, Cheyenne. Apparently, he just got a boyfriend within the last week, and now the idea of being at a party wearing potentially more fabric than he wears at the beach (or on his Instagram) is too much for him to bear. So, like any other exceptionally hot person used to getting their way, he pouts the whole night while the rest of guys<\/a> wriggle and writhe around a party that I think was somehow themed \u201cgay<\/a>\u00a0Tron<\/em>.\u201d<\/p>\n

The next morning, most of the guys<\/a> take a ride on a yacht with a lovely older gay<\/a> couple<\/a> that tells them what it was like coming out to the Island in the \u201880s. Logo shows typically throw these ham-handed teachable moments into their shows, but this was a welcome intergenerational exchange that was neither too preachy nor felt too out of place.<\/p>\n

\"Fire<\/p>\n

The boys<\/a> planned a nice, easy night at home that evening, but Patrick never, ever does anything nice and easy. He always does it nice and rough. He is a proud Mary, after all.<\/p>\n

When night falls, Patrick parades in a whole crew of friends, and those friends bring friends, and then those friends \u2026 so on and so forth until the whole house is packed with random Brandons from all over the island. Ugh, Cheyenne has his cranky jockstrap on, so he stomps around picking up trash passive-aggressively. He was already complaining about Patrick earlier in the weekend to Lil\u2019\u00a0Brandon, and now Patrick\u2019s seemingly outdone himself in terms of his open-door policy.<\/p>\n

\"Fire<\/p>\n

Patrick tries to confront, ugh, Cheyenne about his judgey-wudgey ways, but C\u2019s not having it. Patrick tries to appeal to Cheyenne by suggesting that the beauty of life on the island is that you could find yourself hanging out with investment bankers, but Cheyenne interrupts to counter that they could also be crack dealers, and, honestly, both options sound terrible. In the throes of the drama, Cheyenne storms out and off the island.<\/p>\n

The next day is\u00a0Justin\u2019s big art show at a cute little gallery. His illustrations are actually pretty good. They\u2019re campy, pop-culture portraits, and the older gallery owner is thrilled to give Justin a chance. It\u2019s a good thing Justin\u2019s boyfriend is there, since Cheyenne was supposed to help Justin set up.<\/p>\n

\"Fire<\/p>\n

All the other guys<\/a> show up at the show, but while they\u2019re out, Cheyenne returns with his boyfriend in tow. He apparently left the island, called his bf and then went and fetched him. Because Cheyenne always gets his way.<\/p>\n

The guys<\/a> sit around and attempt to explain how Cheyenne was being sort of a jerk<\/a>, but he doubles down on himself, tossing off one of the most insincere apologies I\u2019ve ever seen, and I\u2019ve watched A LOT of Real Housewives<\/em>.<\/p>\n

There\u2019s nothing a cranky narcissist loves more than being confronted, so Patrick thinks this is a great time to also corner Cheyenne about their conflict while he\u2019s packing. Somehow their argument turns them both against Brandon for stirring up drama in the first place, but before anything gets resolved, Cheyenne basically tells them that, in so many words, he\u2019s not there to make friends. He and his fresh, new boyfriend pack up and head out, leaving their issues to linger until next week\u2019s episode.<\/p>\n

I can\u2019t say what types of characters we\u2019ve still yet to meet on this season of Fire Island<\/em>, but I can take a pretty good guess what their names will be:<\/p>\n

\"I<\/a><\/p>\n

What did you think of the first two episodes of Fire Island<\/em>?<\/p>\n

The post Beaches, Briefs and So Many Brandons On the Premiere of \u2018Fire Island\u2019 \u2013 RECAP<\/a> appeared first on Towleroad<\/a>.<\/p>\n

\n<\/a> <\/a> <\/a> <\/a> <\/a> <\/a>\n<\/div>\n

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Beaches, Briefs and So Many Brandons On the Premiere of ‘Fire Island’ – RECAP<\/a><\/p><\/blockquote>\n