{"id":38692,"date":"2016-06-04T14:26:08","date_gmt":"2016-06-04T18:26:08","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.gayfriendschat.com\/socialblog\/self-described-black-queer-man-says-being-celibate-improved-his-sex-life\/"},"modified":"2016-06-04T14:26:08","modified_gmt":"2016-06-04T18:26:08","slug":"self-described-black-queer-man-says-being-celibate-improved-his-sex-life","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.gayfriendschat.com\/socialblog\/self-described-black-queer-man-says-being-celibate-improved-his-sex-life\/","title":{"rendered":"Self-Described \u2018Black Queer Man\u2019 Says Being Celibate Improved His Sex Life"},"content":{"rendered":"<p><b>Self-Described \u2018Black Queer Man\u2019 Says Being Celibate Improved His Sex Life<\/b><\/p>\n<p><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" src=\"http:\/\/queerty-prodweb.s3.amazonaws.com\/content\/docs\/\/2016\/06\/aaron-barksdale-670x447.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"650\" height=\"434\"><\/p>\n<p>Sex is historically pretty easy to come by as a <a title=\"\" class=\"aalmanual\" target=\"_blank\"   href=\"https:\/\/chaturbate.com\/in\/?tour=R2Xc&#38;campaign=hl4zp&#38;track=gfcsb\">gay<\/a> <a title=\"\" class=\"aalmanual\" target=\"_blank\"   href=\"https:\/\/chaturbate.com\/in\/?tour=R2Xc&#38;campaign=hl4zp&#38;track=gfcsb\">guy<\/a>. But what happens when you want more?<\/p>\n<p>Writer and self-described &ldquo;black queer <a title=\"\" class=\"aalmanual\" target=\"_blank\"   href=\"https:\/\/chaturbate.com\/in\/?tour=R2Xc&#38;campaign=hl4zp&#38;track=gfcsb\">man<\/a>&rdquo; Aaron Barksdale decided to give celibacy a shot to see if he could move beyond the casual hookup. In his essay for&nbsp;<a href=\"http:\/\/www.out.com\/news-opinion\/2016\/6\/02\/op-ed-how-being-celibate-improved-my-sex-life-black-gay-man\" target=\"_blank\"><em>Out<\/em><\/a>, he laments the all too common &ldquo;Grindr hookup&rdquo; and explores the role his race plays in the <a title=\"\" class=\"aalmanual\" target=\"_blank\"   href=\"https:\/\/chaturbate.com\/in\/?tour=R2Xc&#38;campaign=hl4zp&#38;track=gfcsb\">gay<\/a> community.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Related:&nbsp;<a href=\"https:\/\/www.queerty.com\/a-black-man-answers-are-black-men-really-bigger-20140715\" target=\"_blank\">A Black Man Answers: &ldquo;Are Black Men Really Bigger?&rdquo;<\/a><\/strong><\/p>\n<p>How did he start?<\/p>\n<blockquote>\n<p>I began by deleting my dating apps, which have become all but useless. With a few taps, the hundreds of ghosted conversations I&rsquo;d had with eligible bachelors disappeared as quickly as they were swiped right.<\/p>\n<p>Clearing my phone of distractions was easy, and in the first week, I thought, &ldquo;I can do this&mdash;no problem.&rdquo; My celibacy only included abstaining from penetrative oral and anal <a title=\"\" class=\"aalmanual\" target=\"_blank\"   href=\"https:\/\/www.flirt4free.com\/live\/girls\/couples\/?mp_code=akftr\">sex<\/a>, but I continued to masturbate alone or with a partner. And though my sexual frustration gnawed at me like a rabid animal for more, I was determined to reclaim a part of my sexual power that was different from embracing my natural desires.<\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n<p>And he gets pretty thoughtful about being a black <a title=\"\" class=\"aalmanual\" target=\"_blank\"   href=\"https:\/\/chaturbate.com\/in\/?tour=R2Xc&#38;campaign=hl4zp&#38;track=gfcsb\">man<\/a> in a white <a title=\"\" class=\"aalmanual\" target=\"_blank\"   href=\"https:\/\/chaturbate.com\/in\/?tour=R2Xc&#38;campaign=hl4zp&#38;track=gfcsb\">gay<\/a> <a href=\"http:\/\/www.out.com\/news-opinion\/2016\/6\/02\/op-ed-how-being-celibate-improved-my-sex-life-black-gay-man\" target=\"_blank\">world<\/a>:<\/p>\n<blockquote>\n<p>Being black, queer and having predominantly dated&nbsp;<a href=\"http:\/\/refinery29.com\/race-and-dating\" target=\"_blank\" data-saferedirecturl=\"https:\/\/www.google.com\/url?hl=en&amp;q=http:\/\/refinery29.com\/race-and-dating&amp;source=gmail&amp;ust=1464904175036000&amp;usg=AFQjCNEdrlJ4O00KiyOyMAc3-j9mCrTXyg\">white men,<\/a>&nbsp;meant that abstaining from <a title=\"\" class=\"aalmanual\" target=\"_blank\"   href=\"https:\/\/www.flirt4free.com\/live\/girls\/couples\/?mp_code=akftr\">sex<\/a> was to avoid white ideals of beauty that I am usually drawn to.<\/p>\n<p>Historically, black <a title=\"\" class=\"aalmanual\" target=\"_blank\"   href=\"https:\/\/chaturbate.com\/in\/?tour=R2Xc&#38;campaign=hl4zp&#38;track=gfcsb\">men<\/a> and <a title=\"\" class=\"aalmanual\" target=\"_blank\"   href=\"https:\/\/www.flirt4free.com\/live\/girls\/?mp_code=akftr\">women<\/a> have been&nbsp;<a href=\"http:\/\/www.npr.org\/templates\/story\/story.php?storyId=10057104\" target=\"_blank\" data-saferedirecturl=\"https:\/\/www.google.com\/url?hl=en&amp;q=http:\/\/www.npr.org\/templates\/story\/story.php?storyId%3D10057104&amp;source=gmail&amp;ust=1464904175036000&amp;usg=AFQjCNHz2Ay2zYElqK9necf6e5UdRD_BeQ\">portrayed as overly sexual<\/a>&nbsp;as a way to disregard our humanity. The roots of this misconception come from slavery when black bodies were used for breeding in an economy based on free labor.<\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n<p>His first trip back to the bedroom after celibacy was pretty <a href=\"http:\/\/www.out.com\/news-opinion\/2016\/6\/02\/op-ed-how-being-celibate-improved-my-sex-life-black-gay-man\" target=\"_blank\">amazing<\/a>:<\/p>\n<blockquote>\n<p>After 40 days of celibacy, I finally &ldquo;broke the seal&rdquo; with a one-night-stand with a friend. The experience felt explosive, tantric, and heightened from the extended period of deprivation. But aside from just connecting with someone physically we also developed a deeper bond outside the bedroom, sharing stories about our childhood, work, and dating other <a title=\"\" class=\"aalmanual\" target=\"_blank\"   href=\"https:\/\/chaturbate.com\/in\/?tour=R2Xc&#38;campaign=hl4zp&#38;track=gfcsb\">men<\/a>.<\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n<p>It&rsquo;s a fascinating read that you should really get into. We hope <a href=\"https:\/\/twitter.com\/sharks_dale\" target=\"_blank\">Aaron Barksdale<\/a> finally finds what he&rsquo;s looking for, and we&rsquo;re sure he won&rsquo;t be the last <a title=\"\" class=\"aalmanual\" target=\"_blank\"   href=\"https:\/\/chaturbate.com\/in\/?tour=R2Xc&#38;campaign=hl4zp&#38;track=gfcsb\">guy<\/a> to take this path to do so.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Related:&nbsp;<a href=\"https:\/\/www.queerty.com\/is-it-true-what-they-say-about-black-men-20150110\" target=\"_blank\">Is It True What They Say About Black Men?<\/a><\/strong><\/p>\n<div>\n<a href=\"http:\/\/feeds.feedburner.com\/~ff\/queerty2?a=av0ARB1K7CY:TnFVUAe2v4Q:yIl2AUoC8zA\"><img decoding=\"async\" src=\"http:\/\/feeds.feedburner.com\/~ff\/queerty2?d=yIl2AUoC8zA\" border=\"0\"><\/a> <a href=\"http:\/\/feeds.feedburner.com\/~ff\/queerty2?a=av0ARB1K7CY:TnFVUAe2v4Q:dnMXMwOfBR0\"><img decoding=\"async\" src=\"http:\/\/feeds.feedburner.com\/~ff\/queerty2?d=dnMXMwOfBR0\" border=\"0\"><\/a>\n<\/div>\n<p>\n<a href=\"http:\/\/feedproxy.google.com\/~r\/queerty2\/~3\/av0ARB1K7CY\/self-described-black-queer-man-says-celibate-improved-sex-life-20160604\" class=\"autohyperlink\">feedproxy.google.com\/~r\/queerty2\/~3\/av0ARB1K7CY\/self-described-black-queer-man-says-celibate-improved-sex-life-20160604<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Self-Described \u2018Black Queer Man\u2019 Says Being Celibate Improved His Sex Life Sex is historically pretty easy to come by as a <a title=\"\" class=\"aalmanual\" target=\"_blank\"   href=\"https:\/\/chaturbate.com\/in\/?tour=R2Xc&#38;campaign=hl4zp&#38;track=gfcsb\">gay<\/a> <a title=\"\" class=\"aalmanual\" target=\"_blank\"   href=\"https:\/\/chaturbate.com\/in\/?tour=R2Xc&#38;campaign=hl4zp&#38;track=gfcsb\">guy<\/a>. But what happens when you want more? Writer and self-described &ldquo;black queer <a title=\"\" class=\"aalmanual\" target=\"_blank\"   href=\"https:\/\/chaturbate.com\/in\/?tour=R2Xc&#38;campaign=hl4zp&#38;track=gfcsb\">man<\/a>&rdquo; Aaron Barksdale decided to give celibacy a shot to see if he could move beyond the casual hookup. In &hellip; <a href=\"https:\/\/www.gayfriendschat.com\/socialblog\/self-described-black-queer-man-says-being-celibate-improved-his-sex-life\/\" class=\"more-link\">Continue reading <span class=\"screen-reader-text\">Self-Described \u2018Black Queer Man\u2019 Says Being Celibate Improved His Sex Life<\/span> <span class=\"meta-nav\">&rarr;<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2466,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[107],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-38692","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-news"],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO plugin v27.4 - https:\/\/yoast.com\/product\/yoast-seo-wordpress\/ -->\n<title>Self-Described \u2018Black Queer Man\u2019 Says Being Celibate Improved His Sex Life - GAYFRIENDSCHAT.com<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/www.gayfriendschat.com\/socialblog\/self-described-black-queer-man-says-being-celibate-improved-his-sex-life\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Self-Described \u2018Black Queer Man\u2019 Says Being Celibate Improved His Sex Life - GAYFRIENDSCHAT.com\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"Self-Described \u2018Black Queer Man\u2019 Says Being Celibate Improved His Sex Life Sex is historically pretty easy to come by as a gay guy. But what happens when you want more? Writer and self-described &ldquo;black queer man&rdquo; Aaron Barksdale decided to give celibacy a shot to see if he could move beyond the casual hookup. 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But what happens when you want more? Writer and self-described &ldquo;black queer man&rdquo; Aaron Barksdale decided to give celibacy a shot to see if he could move beyond the casual hookup. 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