{"id":27358,"date":"2015-11-03T16:21:07","date_gmt":"2015-11-03T21:21:07","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.gayfriendschat.com\/socialblog\/accountability-and-healing-on-gay-men-and-intimate-partner-violence\/"},"modified":"2015-11-03T16:21:07","modified_gmt":"2015-11-03T21:21:07","slug":"accountability-and-healing-on-gay-men-and-intimate-partner-violence","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.gayfriendschat.com\/socialblog\/accountability-and-healing-on-gay-men-and-intimate-partner-violence\/","title":{"rendered":"Accountability and Healing: On Gay Men and Intimate Partner Violence"},"content":{"rendered":"<p><b>Accountability and Healing: On Gay Men and Intimate Partner Violence<\/b><br \/>\n<a href=\"http:\/\/images.huffingtonpost.com\/2015-10-29-1446131346-9579527-6263836018_9cc7dbc640_z.jpg\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" alt=\"2015-10-29-1446131346-9579527-6263836018_9cc7dbc640_z.jpg\" src=\"http:\/\/images.huffingtonpost.com\/2015-10-29-1446131346-9579527-6263836018_9cc7dbc640_z-thumb.jpg\" width=\"570\" height=\"378\"><\/a><\/p>\n<p> I&#8217;m writing this article for the <a title=\"\" class=\"aalmanual\" target=\"_blank\"   href=\"https:\/\/chaturbate.com\/in\/?tour=R2Xc&#38;campaign=hl4zp&#38;track=gfcsb\">gay<\/a> <a title=\"\" class=\"aalmanual\" target=\"_blank\"   href=\"https:\/\/chaturbate.com\/in\/?tour=R2Xc&#38;campaign=hl4zp&#38;track=gfcsb\">men<\/a> and <a title=\"\" class=\"aalmanual\" target=\"_blank\"   href=\"https:\/\/chaturbate.com\/in\/?tour=R2Xc&#38;campaign=hl4zp&#38;track=gfcsb\">boys<\/a> we all know. For the <a title=\"\" class=\"aalmanual\" target=\"_blank\"   href=\"https:\/\/chaturbate.com\/in\/?tour=R2Xc&#38;campaign=hl4zp&#38;track=gfcsb\">gay<\/a> <a title=\"\" class=\"aalmanual\" target=\"_blank\"   href=\"https:\/\/chaturbate.com\/in\/?tour=R2Xc&#38;campaign=hl4zp&#38;track=gfcsb\">boys<\/a> struggling with self esteem. For the <a title=\"\" class=\"aalmanual\" target=\"_blank\"   href=\"https:\/\/chaturbate.com\/in\/?tour=R2Xc&#38;campaign=hl4zp&#38;track=gfcsb\">gay<\/a> <a title=\"\" class=\"aalmanual\" target=\"_blank\"   href=\"https:\/\/chaturbate.com\/in\/?tour=R2Xc&#38;campaign=hl4zp&#38;track=gfcsb\">men<\/a> trying to hold back tears and trauma through clenched smiles and cynical social media status updates. I&#8217;m writing this article for the <a title=\"\" class=\"aalmanual\" target=\"_blank\"   href=\"https:\/\/chaturbate.com\/in\/?tour=R2Xc&#38;campaign=hl4zp&#38;track=gfcsb\">gay<\/a> <a title=\"\" class=\"aalmanual\" target=\"_blank\"   href=\"https:\/\/chaturbate.com\/in\/?tour=R2Xc&#38;campaign=hl4zp&#38;track=gfcsb\">men<\/a> who will never share what happened to them. The <a title=\"\" class=\"aalmanual\" target=\"_blank\"   href=\"https:\/\/chaturbate.com\/in\/?tour=R2Xc&#38;campaign=hl4zp&#38;track=gfcsb\">gay<\/a> <a title=\"\" class=\"aalmanual\" target=\"_blank\"   href=\"https:\/\/chaturbate.com\/in\/?tour=R2Xc&#38;campaign=hl4zp&#38;track=gfcsb\">men<\/a> too proud to talk about how another <a title=\"\" class=\"aalmanual\" target=\"_blank\"   href=\"https:\/\/chaturbate.com\/in\/?tour=R2Xc&#38;campaign=hl4zp&#38;track=gfcsb\">man<\/a> held them down and hurt them. The <a title=\"\" class=\"aalmanual\" target=\"_blank\"   href=\"https:\/\/chaturbate.com\/in\/?tour=R2Xc&#38;campaign=hl4zp&#38;track=gfcsb\">gay<\/a> <a title=\"\" class=\"aalmanual\" target=\"_blank\"   href=\"https:\/\/chaturbate.com\/in\/?tour=R2Xc&#38;campaign=hl4zp&#38;track=gfcsb\">boys<\/a> who will never mention the time they hit someone they loved. The <a title=\"\" class=\"aalmanual\" target=\"_blank\"   href=\"https:\/\/chaturbate.com\/in\/?tour=R2Xc&#38;campaign=hl4zp&#38;track=gfcsb\">gay<\/a> <a title=\"\" class=\"aalmanual\" target=\"_blank\"   href=\"https:\/\/chaturbate.com\/in\/?tour=R2Xc&#38;campaign=hl4zp&#38;track=gfcsb\">boys<\/a> who can&#8217;t navigate the confusion and the pain intertwined with the longing and the desire. I&#8217;m writing this article for them. I&#8217;m writing this article for you. I&#8217;m writing this article for all of us. <\/p>\n<p> You are not alone. The <a href=\"http:\/\/www.cdc.gov\/violenceprevention\/nisvs\/\" target=\"_hplink\">statistics <\/a>on domestic violence tell a sad story. But what&#8217;s even sadder, is that we know the statistics only reflect what is<em> reported.<\/em> There is so much more pain out there that will never make it onto a researcher&#8217;s spreadsheet. <\/p>\n<p> But before we discuss further; let me be clear &#8212; American culture is born and bred in violence. That this violence is in our homes and relationships is nothing more than a reflection of society as a whole. And like the society as a whole, a great deal of the <a title=\"\" class=\"aalmanual\" target=\"_blank\"   href=\"https:\/\/chaturbate.com\/in\/?tour=R2Xc&#38;campaign=hl4zp&#38;track=gfcsb\">gay<\/a> community is dealing with generations of untreated trauma. Where there is untreated trauma, there will be violence. Where there is violence, there is untreated trauma. <\/p>\n<p> I&#8217;ve seen this firsthand. For three years I worked as a family intervention counselor, working with <a title=\"\" class=\"aalmanual\" target=\"_blank\"   href=\"https:\/\/chaturbate.com\/in\/?tour=R2Xc&#38;campaign=hl4zp&#38;track=gfcsb\">men<\/a> who had assaulted their partners. What I found were everyday <a title=\"\" class=\"aalmanual\" target=\"_blank\"   href=\"https:\/\/chaturbate.com\/in\/?tour=R2Xc&#38;campaign=hl4zp&#38;track=gfcsb\">men<\/a>, not boogey monsters and ghosts. I found <a title=\"\" class=\"aalmanual\" target=\"_blank\"   href=\"https:\/\/chaturbate.com\/in\/?tour=R2Xc&#38;campaign=hl4zp&#38;track=gfcsb\">men<\/a> who could be my uncles, brothers, cousins. Men who were nuanced and complicated. Men who were often victims of violence themselves. They were not horrible people. They were people who had made horrible choices and needed to be held accountable and led through a process to unlearn their behavior. For the past few months, I&#8217;ve shifted my focus to looking speficially at <a title=\"\" class=\"aalmanual\" target=\"_blank\"   href=\"https:\/\/chaturbate.com\/in\/?tour=R2Xc&#38;campaign=hl4zp&#38;track=gfcsb\">gay<\/a> <a title=\"\" class=\"aalmanual\" target=\"_blank\"   href=\"https:\/\/chaturbate.com\/in\/?tour=R2Xc&#38;campaign=hl4zp&#38;track=gfcsb\">men<\/a> and trauma- with an emphasis on black <a title=\"\" class=\"aalmanual\" target=\"_blank\"   href=\"https:\/\/chaturbate.com\/in\/?tour=R2Xc&#38;campaign=hl4zp&#38;track=gfcsb\">gay<\/a> <a title=\"\" class=\"aalmanual\" target=\"_blank\"   href=\"https:\/\/chaturbate.com\/in\/?tour=R2Xc&#38;campaign=hl4zp&#38;track=gfcsb\">men<\/a>. The evident impact as well as lack of connection to services has been devastating. I&#8217;ve come across more <a title=\"\" class=\"aalmanual\" target=\"_blank\"   href=\"https:\/\/chaturbate.com\/in\/?tour=R2Xc&#38;campaign=hl4zp&#38;track=gfcsb\">men<\/a> than you can imagine who have been beaten or raped but thought it was nothing. But minimizing trauma doesen&#8217;t stop it from impacting our choices. And for so many of us the pain remains in control. <\/p>\n<p> Gay <a title=\"\" class=\"aalmanual\" target=\"_blank\"   href=\"https:\/\/chaturbate.com\/in\/?tour=R2Xc&#38;campaign=hl4zp&#38;track=gfcsb\">male<\/a> culture is still struggling to come out of the psychological specter of shame that has encased our desire for hundreds of years via homophobia,misogny and racism. Yet what is unique about <a title=\"\" class=\"aalmanual\" target=\"_blank\"   href=\"https:\/\/chaturbate.com\/in\/?tour=R2Xc&#38;campaign=hl4zp&#38;track=gfcsb\">gay<\/a> <a title=\"\" class=\"aalmanual\" target=\"_blank\"   href=\"https:\/\/chaturbate.com\/in\/?tour=R2Xc&#38;campaign=hl4zp&#38;track=gfcsb\">male<\/a> communities is that we have largely been held exempt from an analysis of these issues. It is this lack of analysis and activism from within <a title=\"\" class=\"aalmanual\" target=\"_blank\"   href=\"https:\/\/chaturbate.com\/in\/?tour=R2Xc&#38;campaign=hl4zp&#38;track=gfcsb\">gay<\/a> <a title=\"\" class=\"aalmanual\" target=\"_blank\"   href=\"https:\/\/chaturbate.com\/in\/?tour=R2Xc&#38;campaign=hl4zp&#38;track=gfcsb\">male<\/a> communities that has carved out a culture where sexual harassment, rape and violence are just seen as &#8220;<a title=\"\" class=\"aalmanual\" target=\"_blank\"   href=\"https:\/\/chaturbate.com\/in\/?tour=R2Xc&#38;campaign=hl4zp&#38;track=gfcsb\">boys<\/a> being <a title=\"\" class=\"aalmanual\" target=\"_blank\"   href=\"https:\/\/chaturbate.com\/in\/?tour=R2Xc&#38;campaign=hl4zp&#38;track=gfcsb\">boys<\/a>&#8221;. Where stalking or predatory practices are not named abuse. Where inappropriate and disrespectful statements from strangers are just another day out with the <a title=\"\" class=\"aalmanual\" target=\"_blank\"   href=\"https:\/\/chaturbate.com\/in\/?tour=R2Xc&#38;campaign=hl4zp&#38;track=gfcsb\">boys<\/a>.<\/p>\n<p> Katrina Kubicek, of the Children&#8217;s Hospital in Los Angeles, has conducted research which has revealed what an abusive and violent present many <a title=\"\" class=\"aalmanual\" target=\"_blank\"   href=\"https:\/\/chaturbate.com\/in\/?tour=R2Xc&#38;campaign=hl4zp&#38;track=gfcsb\">gay<\/a> <a title=\"\" class=\"aalmanual\" target=\"_blank\"   href=\"https:\/\/chaturbate.com\/in\/?tour=R2Xc&#38;campaign=hl4zp&#38;track=gfcsb\">men<\/a> <a title=\"\" class=\"aalmanual\" target=\"_blank\"   href=\"https:\/\/chaturbate.com\/in\/?tour=grq0&#38;campaign=hl4zp&#38;track=gfcsb\">live<\/a> in. Kubicek&#8217;s <a href=\"http:\/\/chipts.ucla.edu\/wp-content\/uploads\/2015\/08\/Experiences-of-partner-violence-among-ymsm_Kubicek.pdf\" target=\"_hplink\">research<\/a>, conducted amongst a group of young <a title=\"\" class=\"aalmanual\" target=\"_blank\"   href=\"https:\/\/chaturbate.com\/in\/?tour=R2Xc&#38;campaign=hl4zp&#38;track=gfcsb\">men<\/a> in Los Angeles, gives us depressing numbers:<\/p>\n<p><strong>Up to 43 percent of respondents report pushing or shoving a partner.<br \/> 20 percent report hitting or kicking a partner.<br \/> 30 percent report being slammed against a wall by a partner.<br \/> 25 percent Kicked or bit a partner.<br \/> 6 percent reported being forced to have <a title=\"\" class=\"aalmanual\" target=\"_blank\"   href=\"https:\/\/www.flirt4free.com\/live\/girls\/couples\/?mp_code=akftr\">sex<\/a>.<br \/> 37 percent report feeling coerced to have <a title=\"\" class=\"aalmanual\" target=\"_blank\"   href=\"https:\/\/www.flirt4free.com\/live\/girls\/couples\/?mp_code=akftr\">sex<\/a> without a condom.<\/strong><\/p>\n<p><strong>When asked about the research, Kubicek shared:<\/strong><\/p>\n<blockquote><p>When we first asked them (young <a title=\"\" class=\"aalmanual\" target=\"_blank\"   href=\"https:\/\/chaturbate.com\/in\/?tour=R2Xc&#38;campaign=hl4zp&#38;track=gfcsb\">gay<\/a> <a title=\"\" class=\"aalmanual\" target=\"_blank\"   href=\"https:\/\/chaturbate.com\/in\/?tour=R2Xc&#38;campaign=hl4zp&#38;track=gfcsb\">men<\/a>) to define or describe what they consider to be partner violence or domestic violence, they saw it as something that happens between a <a title=\"\" class=\"aalmanual\" target=\"_blank\"   href=\"https:\/\/chaturbate.com\/in\/?tour=R2Xc&#38;campaign=hl4zp&#38;track=gfcsb\">man<\/a> and a <a title=\"\" class=\"aalmanual\" target=\"_blank\"   href=\"https:\/\/www.flirt4free.com\/live\/girls\/?mp_code=akftr\">woman<\/a>. They felt that violence between two <a title=\"\" class=\"aalmanual\" target=\"_blank\"   href=\"https:\/\/chaturbate.com\/in\/?tour=R2Xc&#38;campaign=hl4zp&#38;track=gfcsb\">men<\/a> was just seen as &#8220;two <a title=\"\" class=\"aalmanual\" target=\"_blank\"   href=\"https:\/\/chaturbate.com\/in\/?tour=R2Xc&#38;campaign=hl4zp&#38;track=gfcsb\">men<\/a> fighting&#8221;. In addition, when initially asked to describe what they consider to be violence, most did not initially identify emotional or psychological abuse as part of it&#8230;<\/p><\/blockquote>\n<p><strong>She then further states:<\/strong><\/p>\n<blockquote><p>We have done a pretty good job in educating the public that domestic violence is not OK; however, the images we see and the stories that are told are those of heterosexuals, mainly <a title=\"\" class=\"aalmanual\" target=\"_blank\"   href=\"https:\/\/www.flirt4free.com\/live\/girls\/?mp_code=akftr\">women<\/a>. Society, and as a result, many young <a title=\"\" class=\"aalmanual\" target=\"_blank\"   href=\"https:\/\/chaturbate.com\/in\/?tour=R2Xc&#38;campaign=hl4zp&#38;track=gfcsb\">men<\/a> themselves, have a hard time labeling what is going on in their relationships as partner violence.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n<p> This leads us to many questions: Where do you go as a <a title=\"\" class=\"aalmanual\" target=\"_blank\"   href=\"https:\/\/chaturbate.com\/in\/?tour=R2Xc&#38;campaign=hl4zp&#38;track=gfcsb\">gay<\/a> <a title=\"\" class=\"aalmanual\" target=\"_blank\"   href=\"https:\/\/chaturbate.com\/in\/?tour=R2Xc&#38;campaign=hl4zp&#38;track=gfcsb\">man<\/a> who is trying to navigate abuse? Where do you go if you are <a title=\"\" class=\"aalmanual\" target=\"_blank\"   href=\"https:\/\/chaturbate.com\/in\/?tour=R2Xc&#38;campaign=hl4zp&#38;track=gfcsb\">gay<\/a> <a title=\"\" class=\"aalmanual\" target=\"_blank\"   href=\"https:\/\/chaturbate.com\/in\/?tour=R2Xc&#38;campaign=hl4zp&#38;track=gfcsb\">men<\/a> in a relationship where you both physically fight each other? Especially if you are <a title=\"\" class=\"aalmanual\" target=\"_blank\"   href=\"https:\/\/chaturbate.com\/in\/?tour=R2Xc&#38;campaign=hl4zp&#38;track=gfcsb\">gay<\/a> <a title=\"\" class=\"aalmanual\" target=\"_blank\"   href=\"https:\/\/chaturbate.com\/in\/?tour=R2Xc&#38;campaign=hl4zp&#38;track=gfcsb\">man<\/a> of color? Or if you are disabled? Or <a title=\"\" class=\"aalmanual\" target=\"_blank\"   href=\"https:\/\/offers.cam4tracking.com\/aff_c?offer_id=125&#38;aff_id=2778&#38;source=gfcsb\">trans<\/a>? What if you don&#8217;t have private insurance for a therapist, or only access to therapists who don&#8217;t understand the nuances of domestic violence?<\/p>\n<p><strong>Kubicek:<\/strong> <\/p>\n<blockquote><p>Young <a title=\"\" class=\"aalmanual\" target=\"_blank\"   href=\"https:\/\/chaturbate.com\/in\/?tour=R2Xc&#38;campaign=hl4zp&#38;track=gfcsb\">men<\/a> did not generally seek assistance from professionals. There are limited services that are designed for <a title=\"\" class=\"aalmanual\" target=\"_blank\"   href=\"https:\/\/chaturbate.com\/in\/?tour=R2Xc&#38;campaign=hl4zp&#38;track=gfcsb\">gay<\/a> <a title=\"\" class=\"aalmanual\" target=\"_blank\"   href=\"https:\/\/chaturbate.com\/in\/?tour=R2Xc&#38;campaign=hl4zp&#38;track=gfcsb\">men<\/a>, or any sexual minority, who are involved in violence&#8230;Very few young <a title=\"\" class=\"aalmanual\" target=\"_blank\"   href=\"https:\/\/chaturbate.com\/in\/?tour=R2Xc&#38;campaign=hl4zp&#38;track=gfcsb\">men<\/a> {also} reported trying to access services. There was a general perception that police would be difficult to work with and would not understand the situation. However, I am happy to say that of those young <a title=\"\" class=\"aalmanual\" target=\"_blank\"   href=\"https:\/\/chaturbate.com\/in\/?tour=R2Xc&#38;campaign=hl4zp&#38;track=gfcsb\">men<\/a> who did <a title=\"\" class=\"aalmanual\" target=\"_blank\"   href=\"https:\/\/chaturbate.com\/in\/?tour=grq0&#38;campaign=hl4zp&#38;track=gfcsb\">call<\/a> the police, they all reported positive experiences.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n<p> The study conducted by Children&#8217;s Hospital of Los Angeles was small, however national studies by the <a href=\"http:\/\/www.cdc.gov\/violenceprevention\/nisvs\/\" target=\"_hplink\">CDC <\/a>reflect the same challenges for not only <a title=\"\" class=\"aalmanual\" target=\"_blank\"   href=\"https:\/\/chaturbate.com\/in\/?tour=R2Xc&#38;campaign=hl4zp&#38;track=gfcsb\">gay<\/a> <a title=\"\" class=\"aalmanual\" target=\"_blank\"   href=\"https:\/\/chaturbate.com\/in\/?tour=R2Xc&#38;campaign=hl4zp&#38;track=gfcsb\">men<\/a>, but for <a title=\"\" class=\"aalmanual\" target=\"_blank\"   href=\"https:\/\/www.flirt4free.com\/live\/girls\/?mp_code=akftr\">lesbian<\/a>, <a title=\"\" class=\"aalmanual\" target=\"_blank\"   href=\"https:\/\/offers.cam4tracking.com\/aff_c?offer_id=125&#38;aff_id=2778&#38;source=gfcsb\">trans<\/a>, <a title=\"\" class=\"aalmanual\" target=\"_blank\"   href=\"https:\/\/www.flirt4free.com\/live\/girls\/couples\/?mp_code=akftr\">bisexual<\/a> and queer communities as well. Organizations such as the <a href=\"http:\/\/www.avp.org\/about-avp\/coalitions-a-collaborations\/82-national-coalition-of-anti-violence-programs\" target=\"_hplink\">National Coalition of Anti-Violence Programs,<\/a> <a href=\"http:\/\/www.glbtqdvp.org\/\" target=\"_hplink\">The GLBTQ Domestic Violence Project<\/a> and the <a href=\"http:\/\/nwnetwork.org\/\" target=\"_hplink\">Northwest Network<\/a> provide resources and advocacy on this issue yet in most parts of the country resources are limited or non existent. Dominant domestic violence organizations have largely failed to incorporate <a title=\"\" class=\"aalmanual\" target=\"_blank\"   href=\"https:\/\/chaturbate.com\/in\/?tour=R2Xc&#38;campaign=hl4zp&#38;track=gfcsb\">gay<\/a> <a title=\"\" class=\"aalmanual\" target=\"_blank\"   href=\"https:\/\/chaturbate.com\/in\/?tour=R2Xc&#38;campaign=hl4zp&#38;track=gfcsb\">male<\/a> issues into their analysis and even more so into the conversation on masculinity &#8212; so for the vast number of <a title=\"\" class=\"aalmanual\" target=\"_blank\"   href=\"https:\/\/chaturbate.com\/in\/?tour=R2Xc&#38;campaign=hl4zp&#38;track=gfcsb\">gay<\/a> <a title=\"\" class=\"aalmanual\" target=\"_blank\"   href=\"https:\/\/chaturbate.com\/in\/?tour=R2Xc&#38;campaign=hl4zp&#38;track=gfcsb\">men<\/a>, struggling with rage or grappling with abusive dynamics, there is often no where to go to heal. But in order to support young <a title=\"\" class=\"aalmanual\" target=\"_blank\"   href=\"https:\/\/chaturbate.com\/in\/?tour=R2Xc&#38;campaign=hl4zp&#38;track=gfcsb\">gay<\/a> <a title=\"\" class=\"aalmanual\" target=\"_blank\"   href=\"https:\/\/chaturbate.com\/in\/?tour=R2Xc&#38;campaign=hl4zp&#38;track=gfcsb\">men<\/a>, we need education, advocacy and culturally competent services that stop violence, hold <a title=\"\" class=\"aalmanual\" target=\"_blank\"   href=\"https:\/\/chaturbate.com\/in\/?tour=R2Xc&#38;campaign=hl4zp&#38;track=gfcsb\">men<\/a> accountable and lead them to do restorative emotional work. We cannot wait or depend on the criminal legal system, which, especially for <a title=\"\" class=\"aalmanual\" target=\"_blank\"   href=\"https:\/\/chaturbate.com\/in\/?tour=R2Xc&#38;campaign=hl4zp&#38;track=gfcsb\">gay<\/a> <a title=\"\" class=\"aalmanual\" target=\"_blank\"   href=\"https:\/\/chaturbate.com\/in\/?tour=R2Xc&#38;campaign=hl4zp&#38;track=gfcsb\">men<\/a> of color, has shown in so many ways that is it not transformative nor a tool for our healing. This work is an immediate need that is intertwined with poverty, HIV\/AIDS, racism, ableism, respectability, homophobia and much more. We can&#8217;t wait&#8230;&#8230;. <\/p>\n<p> I wrote this article for <a title=\"\" class=\"aalmanual\" target=\"_blank\"   href=\"https:\/\/chaturbate.com\/in\/?tour=R2Xc&#38;campaign=hl4zp&#38;track=gfcsb\">gay<\/a> <a title=\"\" class=\"aalmanual\" target=\"_blank\"   href=\"https:\/\/chaturbate.com\/in\/?tour=R2Xc&#38;campaign=hl4zp&#38;track=gfcsb\">boys<\/a> and <a title=\"\" class=\"aalmanual\" target=\"_blank\"   href=\"https:\/\/chaturbate.com\/in\/?tour=R2Xc&#38;campaign=hl4zp&#38;track=gfcsb\">gay<\/a> <a title=\"\" class=\"aalmanual\" target=\"_blank\"   href=\"https:\/\/chaturbate.com\/in\/?tour=R2Xc&#38;campaign=hl4zp&#38;track=gfcsb\">men<\/a>. I wrote this for the <a title=\"\" class=\"aalmanual\" target=\"_blank\"   href=\"https:\/\/chaturbate.com\/in\/?tour=R2Xc&#38;campaign=hl4zp&#38;track=gfcsb\">gay<\/a> <a title=\"\" class=\"aalmanual\" target=\"_blank\"   href=\"https:\/\/chaturbate.com\/in\/?tour=R2Xc&#38;campaign=hl4zp&#38;track=gfcsb\">men<\/a> reading this remembering what they did. I wrote this for the <a title=\"\" class=\"aalmanual\" target=\"_blank\"   href=\"https:\/\/chaturbate.com\/in\/?tour=R2Xc&#38;campaign=hl4zp&#38;track=gfcsb\">gay<\/a> <a title=\"\" class=\"aalmanual\" target=\"_blank\"   href=\"https:\/\/chaturbate.com\/in\/?tour=R2Xc&#38;campaign=hl4zp&#38;track=gfcsb\">boys<\/a> crying over what they are trying to forget. I wrote this for the <a title=\"\" class=\"aalmanual\" target=\"_blank\"   href=\"https:\/\/chaturbate.com\/in\/?tour=R2Xc&#38;campaign=hl4zp&#38;track=gfcsb\">gay<\/a> <a title=\"\" class=\"aalmanual\" target=\"_blank\"   href=\"https:\/\/www.flirt4free.com\/live\/girls\/couples\/?mp_code=akftr\">couples<\/a> trying to understand why it happened. For the <a title=\"\" class=\"aalmanual\" target=\"_blank\"   href=\"https:\/\/chaturbate.com\/in\/?tour=R2Xc&#38;campaign=hl4zp&#38;track=gfcsb\">gay<\/a> <a title=\"\" class=\"aalmanual\" target=\"_blank\"   href=\"https:\/\/chaturbate.com\/in\/?tour=R2Xc&#38;campaign=hl4zp&#38;track=gfcsb\">men<\/a> who want to help their friends but don&#8217;t know how to. For the <a title=\"\" class=\"aalmanual\" target=\"_blank\"   href=\"https:\/\/chaturbate.com\/in\/?tour=R2Xc&#38;campaign=hl4zp&#38;track=gfcsb\">gay<\/a> <a title=\"\" class=\"aalmanual\" target=\"_blank\"   href=\"https:\/\/chaturbate.com\/in\/?tour=R2Xc&#38;campaign=hl4zp&#38;track=gfcsb\">men<\/a> tracing the trauma back to their childhoods, forced to reconcile wounds that only the little <a title=\"\" class=\"aalmanual\" target=\"_blank\"   href=\"https:\/\/chaturbate.com\/in\/?tour=R2Xc&#38;campaign=hl4zp&#38;track=gfcsb\">boys<\/a> inside them remember. For the <a title=\"\" class=\"aalmanual\" target=\"_blank\"   href=\"https:\/\/chaturbate.com\/in\/?tour=R2Xc&#38;campaign=hl4zp&#38;track=gfcsb\">gay<\/a> <a title=\"\" class=\"aalmanual\" target=\"_blank\"   href=\"https:\/\/chaturbate.com\/in\/?tour=R2Xc&#38;campaign=hl4zp&#38;track=gfcsb\">men<\/a> who can&#8217;t face how much they hurt someone. I wrote this article for <a title=\"\" class=\"aalmanual\" target=\"_blank\"   href=\"https:\/\/chaturbate.com\/in\/?tour=R2Xc&#38;campaign=hl4zp&#38;track=gfcsb\">gay<\/a> <a title=\"\" class=\"aalmanual\" target=\"_blank\"   href=\"https:\/\/chaturbate.com\/in\/?tour=R2Xc&#38;campaign=hl4zp&#38;track=gfcsb\">boys<\/a> and <a title=\"\" class=\"aalmanual\" target=\"_blank\"   href=\"https:\/\/chaturbate.com\/in\/?tour=R2Xc&#38;campaign=hl4zp&#38;track=gfcsb\">men<\/a>. I wrote this article for all for us. I wrote this article for you. There is nothing wrong with you. You are not alone. And another way of being in the world is possible. There are people around you who want to help. Wherever you are and whomever you are, in the midst of your challenges I want you to remember: &#8220;<em>For great as the powers of destruction may be, Greater still, are the powers of healing.&#8221;* <\/em><\/p>\n<p> If you or someone you know needs help, please share the following resources. You can also use them to educate yourself on violence in Gay <a title=\"\" class=\"aalmanual\" target=\"_blank\"   href=\"https:\/\/chaturbate.com\/in\/?tour=R2Xc&#38;campaign=hl4zp&#38;track=gfcsb\">male<\/a> and LGBT communities. <br \/> Resources:<\/p>\n<p><a href=\"http:\/\/everydayfeminism.com\/2015\/09\/confront-friend-abusing-partner\/\" target=\"_hplink\">Six Ways to Confront Your Friend Who&#8217;s Abusing Thier Partner<\/a><br \/><a href=\"http:\/\/nwnetwork.org\/\" target=\"_hplink\">The Northwest Network<\/a><br \/><a href=\"http:\/\/www.thehotline.org\/\" target=\"_hplink\">The National Domestic Violence Hotline:<\/a> 1&minus;800&minus;799&minus;7233<br \/><a href=\"http:\/\/www.avp.org\/about-avp\/coalitions-a-collaborations\/82-national-coalition-of-anti-violence-programs\" target=\"_hplink\">The National Coalition of Anti-Violence Programs<\/a><br \/><a href=\"http:\/\/menstoppingviolence.org\/\" target=\"_hplink\">Men Stopping Violence<\/a><br \/><a href=\"http:\/\/www.tncoalition.org\/documents\/lgbtpowercontrolwheel\" target=\"_hplink\">Gay &amp; Lesbian Domestic Violence Wheel <\/a><br \/><a href=\"http:\/\/everydayfeminism.com\/2015\/08\/worried-that-your-partner-is-emotionally-abusive-check-out-these-7-warning-signs\/\" target=\"_hplink\">7 Warning Signs Your Partner May be Emotionally Abusive<br \/><\/a><br \/><em>*Image By<a href=\"https:\/\/www.flickr.com\/photos\/vondy\/\" target=\"_hplink\"> Eric Vondy. <\/a><\/em><br \/> *Starhawk <\/p>\n<p>&#8212; This feed and its contents are the property of The Huffington Post, and use is subject to our <a href=\"http:\/\/www.huffingtonpost.com\/terms.html\/\">terms.<\/a> It may be used for personal consumption, but may not be distributed on a website.<\/p>\n<p><br clear=\"all\"><\/p>\n<p><a href=\"http:\/\/rc.feedsportal.com\/r\/244157073507\/u\/197\/f\/677065\/c\/35496\/s\/4b359b2c\/sc\/38\/rc\/1\/rc.htm\" rel=\"nofollow\"><img decoding=\"async\" src=\"http:\/\/rc.feedsportal.com\/r\/244157073507\/u\/197\/f\/677065\/c\/35496\/s\/4b359b2c\/sc\/38\/rc\/1\/rc.img\" border=\"0\"><\/a><\/p>\n<p><a href=\"http:\/\/rc.feedsportal.com\/r\/244157073507\/u\/197\/f\/677065\/c\/35496\/s\/4b359b2c\/sc\/38\/rc\/2\/rc.htm\" rel=\"nofollow\"><img decoding=\"async\" src=\"http:\/\/rc.feedsportal.com\/r\/244157073507\/u\/197\/f\/677065\/c\/35496\/s\/4b359b2c\/sc\/38\/rc\/2\/rc.img\" border=\"0\"><\/a><\/p>\n<p><a href=\"http:\/\/rc.feedsportal.com\/r\/244157073507\/u\/197\/f\/677065\/c\/35496\/s\/4b359b2c\/sc\/38\/rc\/3\/rc.htm\" rel=\"nofollow\"><img decoding=\"async\" src=\"http:\/\/rc.feedsportal.com\/r\/244157073507\/u\/197\/f\/677065\/c\/35496\/s\/4b359b2c\/sc\/38\/rc\/3\/rc.img\" border=\"0\"><\/a><\/p>\n<p><a href=\"http:\/\/da.feedsportal.com\/r\/244157073507\/u\/197\/f\/677065\/c\/35496\/s\/4b359b2c\/sc\/38\/a2.htm\"><img decoding=\"async\" src=\"http:\/\/da.feedsportal.com\/r\/244157073507\/u\/197\/f\/677065\/c\/35496\/s\/4b359b2c\/sc\/38\/a2.img\" border=\"0\"><\/a><br \/><a href=\"http:\/\/adchoice.feedsportal.com\/r\/244157073507\/u\/197\/f\/677065\/c\/35496\/s\/4b359b2c\/sc\/38\/ach.htm\"><img decoding=\"async\" src=\"http:\/\/adchoice.feedsportal.com\/r\/244157073507\/u\/197\/f\/677065\/c\/35496\/s\/4b359b2c\/sc\/38\/ach.img\" border=\"0\"><\/a><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" width=\"1\" height=\"1\" src=\"http:\/\/pi.feedsportal.com\/r\/244157073507\/u\/197\/f\/677065\/c\/35496\/s\/4b359b2c\/sc\/38\/a2t.img\" border=\"0\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" width=\"1\" height=\"1\" src=\"http:\/\/pi2.feedsportal.com\/r\/244157073507\/u\/197\/f\/677065\/c\/35496\/s\/4b359b2c\/sc\/38\/a2t2.img\" border=\"0\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" width=\"1\" height=\"1\" src=\"http:\/\/feeds.huffingtonpost.com\/c\/35496\/f\/677065\/s\/4b359b2c\/sc\/38\/mf.gif\" border=\"0\"><\/p>\n<p><a href=\"http:\/\/feeds.huffingtonpost.com\/c\/35496\/f\/677065\/s\/4b359b2c\/sc\/38\/l\/0L0Shuffingtonpost0N0Cyolo0Eakili0Cwhen0Eboys0Ewill0Ebe0Eboys0Eis0Ib0I84132960Bhtml0Dutm0Ihp0Iref0Fgay0Evoices0Gir0FGay0KVoices\/story01.htm\" class=\"autohyperlink\">feeds.huffingtonpost.com\/c\/35496\/f\/677065\/s\/4b359b2c\/sc\/38\/l\/0L0Shuffingtonpost0N0Cyolo0Eakili0Cwhen0Eboys0Ewill0Ebe0Eboys0Eis0Ib0I84132960Bhtml0Dutm0Ihp0Iref0Fgay0Evoices0Gir0FGay0KVoices\/story01.htm<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Accountability and Healing: On Gay Men and Intimate Partner Violence I&#8217;m writing this article for the <a title=\"\" class=\"aalmanual\" target=\"_blank\"   href=\"https:\/\/chaturbate.com\/in\/?tour=R2Xc&#38;campaign=hl4zp&#38;track=gfcsb\">gay<\/a> <a title=\"\" class=\"aalmanual\" target=\"_blank\"   href=\"https:\/\/chaturbate.com\/in\/?tour=R2Xc&#38;campaign=hl4zp&#38;track=gfcsb\">men<\/a> and <a title=\"\" class=\"aalmanual\" target=\"_blank\"   href=\"https:\/\/chaturbate.com\/in\/?tour=R2Xc&#38;campaign=hl4zp&#38;track=gfcsb\">boys<\/a> we all know. For the <a title=\"\" class=\"aalmanual\" target=\"_blank\"   href=\"https:\/\/chaturbate.com\/in\/?tour=R2Xc&#38;campaign=hl4zp&#38;track=gfcsb\">gay<\/a> <a title=\"\" class=\"aalmanual\" target=\"_blank\"   href=\"https:\/\/chaturbate.com\/in\/?tour=R2Xc&#38;campaign=hl4zp&#38;track=gfcsb\">boys<\/a> struggling with self esteem. For the <a title=\"\" class=\"aalmanual\" target=\"_blank\"   href=\"https:\/\/chaturbate.com\/in\/?tour=R2Xc&#38;campaign=hl4zp&#38;track=gfcsb\">gay<\/a> <a title=\"\" class=\"aalmanual\" target=\"_blank\"   href=\"https:\/\/chaturbate.com\/in\/?tour=R2Xc&#38;campaign=hl4zp&#38;track=gfcsb\">men<\/a> trying to hold back tears and trauma through clenched smiles and cynical social media status updates. I&#8217;m writing this article &hellip; <a href=\"https:\/\/www.gayfriendschat.com\/socialblog\/accountability-and-healing-on-gay-men-and-intimate-partner-violence\/\" class=\"more-link\">Continue reading <span class=\"screen-reader-text\">Accountability and Healing: On Gay Men and Intimate Partner Violence<\/span> <span class=\"meta-nav\">&rarr;<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2466,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[107],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-27358","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-news"],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO plugin v27.2 - https:\/\/yoast.com\/product\/yoast-seo-wordpress\/ -->\n<title>Accountability and Healing: On Gay Men and Intimate Partner Violence - GAYFRIENDSCHAT.com<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/www.gayfriendschat.com\/socialblog\/accountability-and-healing-on-gay-men-and-intimate-partner-violence\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Accountability and Healing: On Gay Men and Intimate Partner Violence - GAYFRIENDSCHAT.com\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"Accountability and Healing: On Gay Men and Intimate Partner Violence I&#8217;m writing this article for the gay men and boys we all know. 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