Why I came out to my parents via email<\/b><\/p>\n
Even as a young girl<\/a>, just as certainly as I imagined my future wedding day in vivid color, I knew my grown-up life would contain another, less enjoyable milestone: the awkward ‘coming out to your parents’ conversation.<\/span><\/p>\n Today, as my Twitter feed buzzes with mentions of the #NationalComingOutDay<\/a> hashtag, I imagine teenagers<\/a> across the country steadying themselves for this very moment, their minds churning for months, if not years, at the thought of turning their parents’ lives upside-down over Sunday lunch.<\/span><\/p>\n Like thousands of others, before I came out I was petrified by the formality of sitting my family down and sharing what I believed to be HUGE NEWS with them.<\/span><\/p>\n And I just couldn’t face it. The thought of being confronted with my parents’ sadness and anger was too much to bear, so I kept my secret to myself for eight miserable years.<\/span><\/p>\n Nowadays, I’m frequently inspired by interesting and innovative coming out stories – from posting a message on Tumblr, to sharing a snap of a ‘coming out cake’, or uploading a poignant video<\/a> to YouTube. But even though it wasn’t all that long ago, these platforms weren’t around to help me share my story.<\/span><\/p>\n As National Coming Out Day came round again in 2010, I knew it was time to do something after being firmly stuck in the closet throughout my teenage<\/a> years.<\/span><\/p>\n So I bit the bullet, and carefully crafted an email.<\/span><\/p>\n Perhaps it was a cowardly choice to avoid a face-to-face discussion. Maybe it was unfair to spring my news on my parents as they casually did their online shopping. I’ll never really know how they reacted when they read the words on the page.<\/span><\/p>\n But to this day, I stand by my decision. With hindsight, I realise much of the anxiety around sharing the news was around the method of telling them, rather than the ‘coming out’ itself.<\/span><\/p>\n I was able to detail my feelings honestly, and they were able to digest the information in their own time. In taking the stress away from the conversation, my parents and I were able to discuss the implications of my sexuality without any extra emotional baggage.<\/span><\/p>\n Once the ice was broken, having the conversation face to face was much, much less daunting. In fact, their reaction was so uncontroversial that I barely remember what happened when we spoke about it in person.<\/span><\/p>\n As far as I know, it went a little something like: ‘Thanks for telling us. We love you unconditionally. By the way, your car’s passed its MOT.’ Much less hideous than the sobbing, wall-punching, soap opera saga I had envisaged playing out in my imaginary face-to-face coming out conversations.<\/span><\/p>\n I feel closer to my parents now than I ever have, because I was able to be honest – all the more honest, in fact, because I chose a ‘coming out’ method that felt the most authentic to me, even if it was through the medium of Hotmail rather than a deep chat<\/a>.<\/span><\/p>\n The message I sent is below:<\/span><\/p>\n Dear Mum and Dad,<\/em><\/p>\n Sorry this is a little out of the blue, and sorry it’s via email. I’ve literally decided to do this on a whim because life isn’t a rehearsal and I felt the need to be open about this.<\/span><\/em><\/p>\n I’m not straight. I don’t want to put too fine a label on it, but if we’re labelling things I’d probably say I was bisexual<\/a>.<\/span><\/em><\/p>\n You most likely already know, and I’ve known for years, but I’ve come to terms with it now and felt the need to say something because it’s starting to frustrate me that I’m not being honest. To be fair, the intimate details of my sex<\/a> life are most probably not interesting to you (they’re not really interesting to me either at the moment), so there hasn’t been any need to say anything because it’s nobody’s business but mine. <\/span><\/em><\/p>\n I’m still exactly the same person, and I have the same goals and dreams, and I’ve never been dishonest about any of them. I’ve not even really been dishonest about this either – it’s not as if I’ve had secret women<\/a> queuing up to date me or anything like that.<\/span><\/em><\/p>\n I’m hoping I’ve judged this right, and you won’t feel upset, but I just couldn’t face having a cringe chat<\/a> about it – it’s not as if I need to sit you down and say “Mum, Dad, I might in the future sleep with a man<\/a>.” So I didn’t feel the need to do that just because the possibility of sleeping with a woman<\/a> is also open to me. The way I see it is that I’m not attracted to men<\/a> or women<\/a>, but people and personalities. I’m gradually learning to be less apologetic about it, and I think the first step to doing this is to mention it to you.<\/span><\/em><\/p>\n As far as I’m concerned, it’s about as important to my personality as a whole as whether I drink coffee or tea – I drink both, and I don’t have to broadcast it to anyone or sit my family down and tell them in a cringe “coming out” situation. I appreciate it might be more of an issue for you so if you want a cringe dinner I can happily oblige. But I’ve just been building it up in my head as a massive deal so having a “sit down and talk about it” kind of conversation really makes me feel awkward. I’m happy to do that, but I’d rather send this first.<\/span><\/em><\/p>\n I think I’m just trying to affirm that my personality still remains and isn’t really affirmed in any massive way by who I choose to sleep with, because ultimately, for me, it is a choice. I’m not “unsure”, it’s not a case of “bi<\/a> now, gay<\/a> later”, it really is just dependent on the person.<\/span><\/em><\/p>\n I’m really sorry if you’re not OK with this, and I’m sorry if the way I’ve gone about this hasn’t been the most helpful, but maybe we can sort something out once you’ve digested this. I don’t know how much digesting it’ll take. It took me 8 years to come to terms with it, so I don’t blame you if it takes a while. It’s not a big deal to me so I hope it’s not a big deal to you either.<\/span><\/em><\/p>\n Lots of love xxxx<\/span><\/em><\/p>\n The post Why I came out to my parents via email<\/a> appeared first on Gay Star News<\/a>.<\/p>\n Mel Spencer<\/p>\n www.gaystarnews.com\/article\/why-i-came-out-to-my-parents-via-email\/<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" Why I came out to my parents via email Even as a young girl<\/a>, just as certainly as I imagined my future wedding day in vivid color, I knew my grown-up life would contain another, less enjoyable milestone: the awkward ‘coming out to your parents’ conversation. Today, as my Twitter feed buzzes with mentions of … Continue reading Why I came out to my parents via email<\/span>