{"id":26206,"date":"2015-10-07T20:20:08","date_gmt":"2015-10-08T00:20:08","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.gayfriendschat.com\/socialblog\/?p=26206"},"modified":"2015-10-07T20:20:08","modified_gmt":"2015-10-08T00:20:08","slug":"military-haircuts","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.gayfriendschat.com\/socialblog\/military-haircuts\/","title":{"rendered":"Military Haircuts"},"content":{"rendered":"

Military Haircuts<\/b>
\nThe last few weeks have been particularly challenging for me. For the first time in years, I felt like giving up… then, I found my “second wind” to be human.<\/p>\n

I wasn’t sure I was ever going to write this article. Recently, on the evening of September 18, I finally decided that maybe I should quit, to give up on everything and everyone: my family, my friends, my supporters, my court-martial appeal, and my other legal battles  —  even my articles for the Guardian<\/em><\/a> and my Medium debut. Basically, I nearly surrendered.<\/p>\n

You see, that evening I found out that the military was going to force me to keep my hair cut very short, to the “male<\/a>” hair standard.<\/p>\n

I didn’t take the news well. I felt sick. I felt sad. I felt gross  –  like Frankenstein’s monster wandering around the countryside avoiding angry mobs with torches and pitch forks.<\/p>\n

I wanted to run away. I wanted to close the door to my cell, turn out the lights, and shun the world outside. I did exactly that. And then I cried, and cried, sniffled a little bit, and then cried some more. This went on until around midnight.<\/p>\n

I wanted to cry myself to sleep on the concrete floor, but a guard came by twice and started asking me if I was okay. “Yes, I’m fine,” I said. I was not okay, though. It wasn’t his fault; he was just a young guy<\/a>, maybe 20 years old, I thought to myself.<\/p>\n

Then I started to think really dark thoughts. You know, “emo”-goth stuff, like “black isn’t dark enough of a color for me.”<\/p>\n

After five years  —  and more  –  of fighting for survival, I had to fight even more. I was out of energy.<\/p>\n

I called Chase Strangio, my ACLU lawyer, and I cried. As my legal counsel, he represents me in this lawsuit to challenge the hair policy that makes and treats me like a monster or a problem. But I just wanted love and support, and someone to cry to when I was feeling alone. He did such a wonderful job just listening to me.<\/p>\n

After feeling devastated, humiliated, hurt, and rejected – and after wanting to give up on the world  —  I found my “second wind” of sorts.<\/p>\n

I can make it just a little longer. I just hope it’s not too much longer.<\/p>\n

I hope to use this platform as a place to document my experience and share my story and, maybe even begin a conversation. Going through such a seismic, existential shift in my life  —  transitioning in a military prison — presents real, meaningful, and daily challenges. I want to hear your thoughts and questions so we can continue to have a dialogue. I also look forward to reading the stories you are brave enough to share with the world so we can understand each other and define ourselves on our own terms.<\/p>\n

This post first appeared on Medium<\/a>. Cross-posted with permission of the author.<\/em> <\/p>\n

— This feed and its contents are the property of The Huffington Post, and use is subject to our terms.<\/a> It may be used for personal consumption, but may not be distributed on a website.<\/p>\n

<\/a><\/p>\n

<\/a><\/p>\n

<\/a><\/p>\n

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<\/a><\/p>\n

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Military Haircuts The last few weeks have been particularly challenging for me. For the first time in years, I felt like giving up… then, I found my “second wind” to be human. I wasn’t sure I was ever going to write this article. 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