{"id":25983,"date":"2015-10-02T12:20:38","date_gmt":"2015-10-02T16:20:38","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.gayfriendschat.com\/socialblog\/why-its-so-hard-to-admit-when-youre-wrong\/"},"modified":"2015-10-02T12:20:38","modified_gmt":"2015-10-02T16:20:38","slug":"why-its-so-hard-to-admit-when-youre-wrong","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.gayfriendschat.com\/socialblog\/why-its-so-hard-to-admit-when-youre-wrong\/","title":{"rendered":"Why It's So Hard To Admit When You're Wrong"},"content":{"rendered":"

Why It's So Hard To Admit When You're Wrong<\/b>
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Recently, Matt Damon came under fire for making tone-deaf comments during an episode of HBO’s “Project Greenlight.” The actor (poorly) attempted to explain diversity in film while speaking with producer Effie Brown<\/a>, a black woman<\/a> who knows a thing or two about diversity (or lack there of) in Hollywood.  <\/p>\n

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Damon later addressed his remarks, saying in part, “I am sorry that they offended some people<\/a>, but, at the very least, I am happy that they started a conversation about diversity in Hollywood.”<\/p>\n

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However pure his intentions, his apology was missing something pretty imperative: An actual apology. <\/p>\n

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Damon was later more contrite about his diversity comments<\/a> in an interview with The Hollywood Reporter, but not before making another set of offensive remarks suggesting gay actors shouldn’t come out<\/a>.<\/p>\n

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Of course Damon isn’t the only high-profile offender. There’s a legacy of non-apologies in the public eye, from Jonah Hill<\/a> to Miley Cyrus<\/a>. The pattern is familiar, with perpetrators saying, “I’m sorry you’re<\/em> offended” rather than “I’m sorry I offended you.”<\/p>\n

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Their behavior poses a pretty powerful question: Why do we have such a hard time <\/em>owning up to our wrongdoings?<\/strong><\/p>\n

The secret to our apology aversion may lie in a neurological bias toward taking a rosy view of ourselves. According to social psychologist Elliot Aronson, co-author of the book Mistakes Were Made (But Not by Me)<\/em>, our brains believe that we’re always doing “the right thing”<\/a> despite our behavior showing the contrary. <\/p>\n

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This sometimes creates mental tension, frequently referred to in psychology as cognitive dissonance, and occurs when our actions don’t follow our beliefs. It’s the same phenomenon that allows a smoker to both know cigarettes are unhealthy and still blow through two packs a day, Aronson wrote<\/a>.<\/p>\n

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Many people naturally behave in a way that aligns with a certain self-concept, agreed Alex Lickerman, assistant vice president for the University of Chicago’s student health and counseling services and author of The Undefeated Mind: On the Science of Constructing an Indestructible Self. <\/em><\/em>So when we apologize for something we did or said, our subconscious feels somewhat fraudulent.<\/p>\n

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“It’s admitting that you’re not consistent with your self-concept, which is very difficult to tolerate,” Lickerman told The Huffington Post. “If you claim you’re not a bigot, or whatever it is you identify with, to apologize for doing the contrary is to admit you did those things.” <\/p>\n

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But it doesn’t have to be this way. The key to getting better at apologizing is freeing ourselves from labels, according to Lickerman.<\/p>\n

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“Just because you failed doesn’t mean you’re a failure,” he said. “To get better at saying you’re sorry, you first need to disconnect from the idea that a mistake turns you into someone you know you’re not.”<\/p>\n

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There are also a few other pointers to keep in mind when it comes time to fess up to an error, Lickerman explained. Here are a few hallmarks of a good apology:<\/p>\n

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