{"id":23999,"date":"2015-08-11T10:20:10","date_gmt":"2015-08-11T14:20:10","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.gayfriendschat.com\/socialblog\/biphobia-is-a-destructive-force-in-our-community-and-it-needs-to-stop\/"},"modified":"2015-08-11T10:20:10","modified_gmt":"2015-08-11T14:20:10","slug":"biphobia-is-a-destructive-force-in-our-community-and-it-needs-to-stop","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.gayfriendschat.com\/socialblog\/biphobia-is-a-destructive-force-in-our-community-and-it-needs-to-stop\/","title":{"rendered":"Biphobia Is a Destructive Force in Our Community — And It Needs to Stop"},"content":{"rendered":"

Biphobia Is a Destructive Force in Our Community — And It Needs to Stop<\/b>
\nBiphobia has a destructive impact on bisexual<\/a> people’s lives. It pushes many of us to hide in the closet to avoid ridicule and rejection. It can affect our well-being and sense of identity<\/a>. It makes it harder for us to develop confidence and be assertive about who we are.<\/p>\n

Looking back on my own experience, some relatively small incidences of biphobia<\/a> had a large and negative effect on my life.<\/p>\n

I first came out<\/a> when I was 19 to a straight girlfriend<\/a>. She was taken aback, but seemed pleased that I wanted to be open with her. <\/p>\n

Shortly afterwards, the jokes started. <\/p>\n

Smiling, she asked me if I was in love with a male<\/a> friend of mine. “No, why would I be?,” I replied. “I was only joking!” she said. Later, she started calling me “gay<\/a> boy<\/a>,” I think intending it to be a kind of in-joke. I didn’t like it, but at the time I lacked the confidence to challenge her. <\/p>\n

Then she announced that I wasn’t bisexual<\/a> after all. She’d consulted with a gay<\/a> friend of hers who told her that bisexual<\/a> men<\/a> didn’t exist. I was just a confused straight person looking for attention. To her, I fancied myself as a latter-day Lord Byron figure, trying to mark myself out as different and special. <\/p>\n

I admit that back then, I liked being told by someone that I was really straight. I didn’t want to be bisexual<\/a>, and the fact that I knew in my heart that I was, and always would be bi<\/a>, made me unhappy.<\/p>\n

On the day we split up, she didn’t waste the opportunity to tease me about my professed bisexuality. “Bisexual then!” she said, shaking her head, “Really? What a silly boy<\/a> you are!” We didn’t speak much after that.<\/p>\n

Her denial and mockery expressed not only her biphobia, but her difficulty in accepting that I might be telling the truth. By turning it into a joke, she was able to erase the possibility of bisexuality, and fit me into a simpler category that made sense to her.<\/p>\n

She was unaware, however, that her actions had a serious impact on my sense of identity<\/a>. Having plucked up the courage to come out to her (the first person I had ever come out to), it felt like a slap in the face not to be taken seriously. I was learning that honesty about my sexuality could cause problems. <\/p>\n

\"2015-08-10-1439242147-9060726-2.JPG\"<\/center><\/p>\n

A few years later, I mentioned to a friend that I was bisexual<\/a>. I wanted to share this fact about myself to ease the burden of my shame and discomfort. I wanted someone else to know and accept who I was. My friend seemed uncomfortable with the news. He told me that when men<\/a> say they’re bisexual<\/a>, they’re actually gay<\/a>. He didn’t seem to want to discuss it further. I didn’t want to argue. I knew that the recognition I needed was not going to come from him. We didn’t discuss it again. <\/p>\n

I decided it would be safer not to talk about my bisexuality anymore. I went back into the closet and stayed there until my late 20s.<\/p>\n

Nowadays, as an openly bisexual<\/a> 30-something man<\/a>, I respond assertively to biphobic comments and beliefs. But as a younger man<\/a>, I wasn’t confident enough to challenge such ignorance, and instead retreated into myself. <\/p>\n

The strange thing is that the two people I first came out to were people who I liked, who liked me, and who in other ways treated me well. Somehow, though, they couldn’t cope with the idea of me being bisexual<\/a>. <\/p>\n

I was a victim of biphobia, but so were they. They had absorbed society’s biphobia, and when confronted with a bisexual<\/a> person, they didn’t know what to do but rely on the misguided ideas and stereotypes about bisexuals<\/a> that still persist in our culture. <\/p>\n

Since I came out to everyone in my late 20s, I’ve been lucky, for the most part, to find the acceptance and recognition that I wanted. I’ve been able to develop a sense of confidence in my sexuality, and I feel happy now about being bisexual<\/a>. I know from experience that feeling comfortable about your bisexuality is something that you can learn, despite the existence of biphobia. <\/p>\n

It would have been so much easier though, if I’d received a warm welcome<\/a>, rather than prejudice, when I first came out.<\/p>\n

Neil Endicott is a bisexuality coach and author of ‘How to be a Happy Bisexual: A Guide to Self-Acceptance and Wellbeing<\/a>‘. He blogs on bisexuality and wellbeing at happybisexual.com<\/a><\/em> Follow Neil on Twitter<\/a>. <\/p>\n

— This feed and its contents are the property of The Huffington Post, and use is subject to our terms.<\/a> It may be used for personal consumption, but may not be distributed on a website.<\/p>\n


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Biphobia Is a Destructive Force in Our Community — And It Needs to Stop Biphobia has a destructive impact on bisexual<\/a> people’s lives. It pushes many of us to hide in the closet to avoid ridicule and rejection. It can affect our well-being and sense of identity. It makes it harder for us to develop … Continue reading Biphobia Is a Destructive Force in Our Community — And It Needs to Stop<\/span> →<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2466,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[107],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-23999","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-news"],"yoast_head":"\nBiphobia Is a Destructive Force in Our Community - And It Needs to Stop - GAYFRIENDSCHAT.com<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/www.gayfriendschat.com\/socialblog\/biphobia-is-a-destructive-force-in-our-community-and-it-needs-to-stop\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Biphobia Is a Destructive Force in Our Community - And It Needs to Stop - GAYFRIENDSCHAT.com\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"Biphobia Is a Destructive Force in Our Community — And It Needs to Stop Biphobia has a destructive impact on bisexual people’s lives. 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