{"id":23195,"date":"2015-07-21T20:05:37","date_gmt":"2015-07-22T00:05:37","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.gayfriendschat.com\/socialblog\/former-tv-star-reveals-how-internalized-homophobia-led-to-being-the-drunkest-guy-in-the-room\/"},"modified":"2015-07-21T20:05:37","modified_gmt":"2015-07-22T00:05:37","slug":"former-tv-star-reveals-how-internalized-homophobia-led-to-being-the-drunkest-guy-in-the-room","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.gayfriendschat.com\/socialblog\/former-tv-star-reveals-how-internalized-homophobia-led-to-being-the-drunkest-guy-in-the-room\/","title":{"rendered":"Former TV Star Reveals How Internalized Homophobia Led To Being The Drunkest Guy In The Room"},"content":{"rendered":"<p><b>Former TV Star Reveals How Internalized Homophobia Led To Being The Drunkest Guy In The Room<\/b><\/p>\n<p><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" src=\"http:\/\/queerty-prodweb.s3.amazonaws.com\/wp\/docs\/2015\/07\/Screen-Shot-2015-07-21-at-12.16.46-PM-360x245.jpg\" alt=\"Screen Shot 2015-07-21 at 12.16.46 PM\" width=\"360\" height=\"245\">Novelist and former Channel 4 News culture editor Matt Cain may have been out, but he certainly wasn&rsquo;t proud.<\/p>\n<p>He&rsquo;d endured a decade of homophobic bullying in grade school where he learned to eat his lunch in a toilet stall to avoid being spat at by other kids, or worse. On the bus he&rsquo;d feel everyone&rsquo;s pointed fingers as they chanted a single word: queer.<\/p>\n<p>When he was around 16, he details in a first-person account on&nbsp;<a href=\"http:\/\/www.buzzfeed.com\/mattcain\/after-years-of-violent-homophobic-bullying-i-became-a-drunke#.fwgZ72jqg\" target=\"_blank\"><em>Buzzfeed<\/em><\/a>, he discovered a magic solution to come out of his shell and get people to like him: alcohol.<\/p>\n<p>After getting hammered, he was loud, confident, funny and above all else, popular. It didn&rsquo;t occur to him that as he got older, his peers became less homophobic. The equation was simple and reliable &mdash; alcohol = likability.<\/p>\n<p>&ldquo;I was ready to do anything to get the party going and the first person everyone wanted at any drink-fuelled celebration. I went from being the most unpopular person in school to the most popular person at sixth-form college, and, later, university,&rdquo; he writes.<\/p>\n<p>He came out at 17 and began drunkenly sleeping around, and quickly learned that his self-deprecating stories of sexual encounters played great at the pubs among his straight friends.<\/p>\n<p>&ldquo;Yes, I was having fun &ndash; of sorts &ndash; but it continued right through my twenties, and as I approached 30 my life was revolving around an endless cycle of drinking, casual <a title=\"\" class=\"aalmanual\" target=\"_blank\"   href=\"https:\/\/www.flirt4free.com\/live\/girls\/couples\/?mp_code=akftr\">sex<\/a>, and unhealthy relationships with unsuitable <a title=\"\" class=\"aalmanual\" target=\"_blank\"   href=\"https:\/\/chaturbate.com\/in\/?tour=R2Xc&#38;campaign=hl4zp&#38;track=gfcsb\">men<\/a>,&rdquo; he recounts. &ldquo;I was constantly having to up the ante by getting drunker and dirtier just to maintain the momentum. On more than one occasion I found myself going home with a <a title=\"\" class=\"aalmanual\" target=\"_blank\"   href=\"https:\/\/chaturbate.com\/in\/?tour=R2Xc&#38;campaign=hl4zp&#38;track=gfcsb\">man<\/a> with an unusual profession just because I thought it would make a good anecdote.&rdquo;<\/p>\n<p>Just after turning 30, he hit rock <a title=\"\" class=\"aalmanual\" target=\"_blank\"   href=\"https:\/\/chaturbate.com\/in\/?tour=YKzf&#38;campaign=hl4zp&#38;track=gfcsb\">bottom<\/a>. For the first time, his reliance on alcohol began to come into focus. Once it did, he looked deeper to discover why he was destroying himself in the first place.<\/p>\n<p>&ldquo;I was trying to annihilate my real self because there was something about that person that I still hated&hellip;I began to realise that even though I&rsquo;d come to feel happy being <a title=\"\" class=\"aalmanual\" target=\"_blank\"   href=\"https:\/\/chaturbate.com\/in\/?tour=R2Xc&#38;campaign=hl4zp&#38;track=gfcsb\">gay<\/a>, having grown up in a world where I was constantly told that my sexuality was disgusting and therefore <i>I<\/i> was disgusting had cast a long shadow of self-loathing.<\/p>\n<p>&ldquo;You don&rsquo;t have to look far among <a title=\"\" class=\"aalmanual\" target=\"_blank\"   href=\"https:\/\/chaturbate.com\/in\/?tour=R2Xc&#38;campaign=hl4zp&#38;track=gfcsb\">gay<\/a> <a title=\"\" class=\"aalmanual\" target=\"_blank\"   href=\"https:\/\/chaturbate.com\/in\/?tour=R2Xc&#38;campaign=hl4zp&#38;track=gfcsb\">men<\/a>, particularly those brought up before attitudes began to change, to see this self-destructive pattern repeated and repeated.&rdquo;<\/p>\n<p>Five years into sobriety, he started to experiment with drinking again.<\/p>\n<p>&ldquo;I wrote myself a set of rules, the foremost of which is never to drink when unhappy. Also, to not sacrifice my dignity for the sake of entertaining others. And to ensure I go home before I&rsquo;m tempted to jump into bed with an unsuitable <a title=\"\" class=\"aalmanual\" target=\"_blank\"   href=\"https:\/\/chaturbate.com\/in\/?tour=R2Xc&#38;campaign=hl4zp&#38;track=gfcsb\">man<\/a>.<\/p>\n<p>&ldquo;I&rsquo;ve had the occasional mishap. But on the whole, armed with more self-awareness and a desire to take care of myself, I&rsquo;m doing well. The angry edge that used to accompany my nights out is gone. The objective, to punish myself, has disappeared.&rdquo;<\/p>\n<p>Now he channels all those juicy stories into his novels. His first,&nbsp;<em><a href=\"http:\/\/www.amazon.co.uk\/Nothing-But-Trouble-Matt-Cain\/dp\/1447238303\" target=\"_blank\">Nothing But Trouble<\/a><\/em>, got its name from how people used to refer to him.<\/p>\n<p>You can read his <a href=\"http:\/\/www.buzzfeed.com\/mattcain\/after-years-of-violent-homophobic-bullying-i-became-a-drunke#.fwgZ72jqg\" target=\"_blank\">full story here<\/a>, and please, let&rsquo;s all stop punishing ourselves!<\/p>\n<div>\n<a href=\"http:\/\/feeds.feedburner.com\/~ff\/queerty2?a=rhcjSmCCFRk:TAxCibc2NVM:yIl2AUoC8zA\"><img decoding=\"async\" src=\"http:\/\/feeds.feedburner.com\/~ff\/queerty2?d=yIl2AUoC8zA\" border=\"0\"><\/a> <a href=\"http:\/\/feeds.feedburner.com\/~ff\/queerty2?a=rhcjSmCCFRk:TAxCibc2NVM:dnMXMwOfBR0\"><img decoding=\"async\" src=\"http:\/\/feeds.feedburner.com\/~ff\/queerty2?d=dnMXMwOfBR0\" border=\"0\"><\/a>\n<\/div>\n<p>Dan Tracer<\/p>\n<p><a href=\"http:\/\/feedproxy.google.com\/~r\/queerty2\/~3\/rhcjSmCCFRk\/former-tv-star-reveals-how-internalized-homophobia-led-to-being-the-drunkest-guy-in-the-room-20150721\" class=\"autohyperlink\">feedproxy.google.com\/~r\/queerty2\/~3\/rhcjSmCCFRk\/former-tv-star-reveals-how-internalized-homophobia-led-to-being-the-drunkest-guy-in-the-room-20150721<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Former TV Star Reveals How Internalized Homophobia Led To Being The Drunkest Guy In The Room Novelist and former Channel 4 News culture editor Matt Cain may have been out, but he certainly wasn&rsquo;t proud. He&rsquo;d endured a decade of homophobic bullying in grade school where he learned to eat his lunch in a toilet &hellip; <a href=\"https:\/\/www.gayfriendschat.com\/socialblog\/former-tv-star-reveals-how-internalized-homophobia-led-to-being-the-drunkest-guy-in-the-room\/\" class=\"more-link\">Continue reading <span class=\"screen-reader-text\">Former TV Star Reveals How Internalized Homophobia Led To Being The Drunkest Guy In The Room<\/span> <span class=\"meta-nav\">&rarr;<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2466,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[107],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-23195","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-news"],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO plugin v28.7 - https:\/\/yoast.com\/product\/yoast-seo-wordpress\/ -->\n<title>Former TV Star Reveals How Internalized Homophobia Led To Being The Drunkest Guy In The Room - GAYFRIENDSCHAT.com<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/www.gayfriendschat.com\/socialblog\/former-tv-star-reveals-how-internalized-homophobia-led-to-being-the-drunkest-guy-in-the-room\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Former TV Star Reveals How Internalized Homophobia Led To Being The Drunkest Guy In The Room - GAYFRIENDSCHAT.com\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"Former TV Star Reveals How Internalized Homophobia Led To Being The Drunkest Guy In The Room Novelist and former Channel 4 News culture editor Matt Cain may have been out, but he certainly wasn&rsquo;t proud. 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