{"id":112702,"date":"2019-12-15T10:25:28","date_gmt":"2019-12-15T15:25:28","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.gayfriendschat.com\/socialblog\/im-attracted-to-average-guys-but-the-thought-of-my-body-being-average-is-unacceptable\/"},"modified":"2019-12-15T10:25:28","modified_gmt":"2019-12-15T15:25:28","slug":"im-attracted-to-average-guys-but-the-thought-of-my-body-being-average-is-unacceptable","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.gayfriendschat.com\/socialblog\/im-attracted-to-average-guys-but-the-thought-of-my-body-being-average-is-unacceptable\/","title":{"rendered":"I\u2019m attracted to \u201caverage\u201d guys, but the thought of my body being \u201caverage\u201d is unacceptable"},"content":{"rendered":"

I\u2019m attracted to \u201caverage\u201d guys<\/a>, but the thought of my body being \u201caverage\u201d is unacceptable<\/b><\/p>\n

\"\"<\/p>\n

Let\u2019s face it, when it comes to hookup apps, physical appearance matters. Nobody cares what arthouse cinema you\u2019re into, or what book you\u2019re reading, or what you do for a living. We\u2019re judged immediately on our physical appearance. Our bodies are essentially our \u201ccurrency.\u201d They determine whether we connect with one another.<\/p>\n

Like a lot of gay<\/a> men<\/a>, it took me a long time to be OK with my \u201ccurrency,\u201d er, body. I used to look in the mirror and all I could see were flaws. I was constantly judging my stomach. I would look at my hairline and compare it to where it once was. I\u2019d look at my skin for any tiny blemish or imperfection. A wave of disgust, shame, and self-hatred would creep over me. Why couldn\u2019t I look more like the guys<\/a> I saw on Grindr?<\/p>\n

I consider myself a handsome guy<\/a> today, but it took me a while to realize that everyone curates themselves online to look as perfectly as they possibly can to maintain their \u201ccurrency.\u201d Therefore, you\u2019re not alone if sometimes you come across of sea of flawless torsos and think, \u201cI don\u2019t look like that! I\u2019m obviously not hot enough.\u201d Just remember, the standards for what\u2019s \u201chot\u201d are totally slanted. If you\u2019re constantly comparing yourself to only what you see in everyone\u2019s very best version of themselves (sometimes from five or ten years ago), it\u2019s easy to fall in that old trap of feeling \u201cless than.\u201d<\/p>\n

<\/div>\n

(SPOILER: There are way more \u201caverage\u201d guys<\/a> out there than you\u2019d think, but it\u2019s hard to know that based on what people show\u2013or don\u2019t\u00a0<\/em>show!\u2013on the apps.)<\/p>\n

One interesting thing I\u2019ve noticed in my psychotherapy practice is that many gay<\/a> men<\/a> don\u2019t judge others nearly as harshly as they judge themselves. They may even be attracted to \u201caverage\u201d guys<\/a>, but the thought their bodies being \u201caverage\u201d is totally unacceptable. Obviously, there\u2019s a double standard happening here. We hold ourselves to some idea of unattainable perfection, while giving others a free pass and sometimes even admiring them for their imperfections.<\/p>\n

So how can you learn to befriend the mirror again?<\/p>\n

For starters, it\u2019s essential to drop the idea of maintaining any kind of \u201cperfection.\u201d No one is perfect, and the concept itself is illusory because attractiveness is entirely subjective. What might be hot to one person is totally uninteresting to another. We all have pros and cons when it comes to our physical appearances. Focus on being grateful for your pros, and work those to your advantage.<\/p>\n

<\/div>\n

Also, know that others do not see you as you see yourself. There are tons of guys<\/a> out there with all kinds of various preferences, and full communities to support them\u2013from bears to twinks<\/a>, cubs, and otters. If you embrace what you have to offer, others will too. Practice sending yourself positive messages of acceptance.<\/p>\n

Which leads me to my final point: Have you ever noticed that you find someone really attractive, even though he may not have your typical \u201cmodel\u201d looks, because he carries himself with a certain swagger? Having an aura of confidence is sexy, and can make someone you\u2019d normally deem a 7 jump up to a 10.<\/p>\n

If you practice loving and accepting yourself, your confidence will extend outward to how others see you as well. This isn\u2019t always an easy road of course, and talking to a therapist can often be an important first step.<\/p>\n

<\/div>\n

Jake Myers<\/a><\/em>\u00a0is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist in Los Angeles. He has a Bachelor\u2019s degree in Psychology and a Master\u2019s degree in Clinical Psychology, with a specialization in LGBT Affirmative Psychotherapy.<\/em><\/p>\n

\n<\/a> <\/a>\n<\/div>\n

\nwww.queerty.com\/im-attracted-average-guys-thought-body-average-unacceptable-20191215?utm_source=feedburner&utm_medium=feed&utm_campaign=Feed%3A+queerty2+%28Queerty%29<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

I\u2019m attracted to \u201caverage\u201d guys<\/a>, but the thought of my body being \u201caverage\u201d is unacceptable Let\u2019s face it, when it comes to hookup apps, physical appearance matters. Nobody cares what arthouse cinema you\u2019re into, or what book you\u2019re reading, or what you do for a living. We\u2019re judged immediately on our physical appearance. Our bodies … Continue reading I\u2019m attracted to \u201caverage\u201d guys, but the thought of my body being \u201caverage\u201d is unacceptable<\/span> →<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2466,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[107],"tags":[32846,784,1015,804],"class_list":["post-112702","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-news","tag-clinical-psychology","tag-gay","tag-los-angeles","tag-ok"],"yoast_head":"\nI\u2019m attracted to \u201caverage\u201d guys, but the thought of my body being \u201caverage\u201d is unacceptable - GAYFRIENDSCHAT.com<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/www.gayfriendschat.com\/socialblog\/im-attracted-to-average-guys-but-the-thought-of-my-body-being-average-is-unacceptable\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"I\u2019m attracted to \u201caverage\u201d guys, but the thought of my body being \u201caverage\u201d is unacceptable - GAYFRIENDSCHAT.com\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"I\u2019m attracted to \u201caverage\u201d guys, but the thought of my body being \u201caverage\u201d is unacceptable Let\u2019s face it, when it comes to hookup apps, physical appearance matters. 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