{"id":106595,"date":"2019-11-12T16:26:29","date_gmt":"2019-11-12T21:26:29","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.gayfriendschat.com\/socialblog\/hes-really-into-kink-but-his-fiance-isnt-so-now-what\/"},"modified":"2019-11-12T16:26:29","modified_gmt":"2019-11-12T21:26:29","slug":"hes-really-into-kink-but-his-fiance-isnt-so-now-what","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.gayfriendschat.com\/socialblog\/hes-really-into-kink-but-his-fiance-isnt-so-now-what\/","title":{"rendered":"He\u2019s really into kink, but his fianc\u00e9 isn\u2019t\u2026 so now what?!"},"content":{"rendered":"

He\u2019s really into kink, but his fianc\u00e9 isn\u2019t\u2026 so now what?!<\/b><\/p>\n

\"\"<\/p>\n

A 32-year-old man<\/a> says he\u2019s engaged to the most wonderful guy<\/a> in the world who he truly can\u2019t wait to marry one day, there\u2019s just one teensy tiny problem\u2026<\/p>\n

\u201cMy interests trend to the kinkier side of the spectrum, while my fianc\u00e9 is much more \u2018traditional\u2019 in bed,\u201d he writes in a letter to Daniel Mallory Ortberg over at Slate<\/em>.<\/p>\n

And it\u2019s causing some tension in their otherwise great relationship.<\/p>\n

<\/div>\n

\u201cMy fianc\u00e9 has experimented with some things that I\u2019ve brought up, and he truly has been a good sport,\u201d the man<\/a> writes. \u201cBut it\u2019s obvious it\u2019s not really for him, and that comes across during these sessions.\u201d<\/p>\n

Despite trying his best, the fianc\u00e9 just isn\u2019t into the kinky stuff and, the man<\/a> says, \u201cit makes me a bit embarrassed.\u201d Other than that, though, their sex<\/a> life is \u201cgreat.\u201d<\/p>\n

Now, here\u2019s where it gets tricky\u2026<\/p>\n

The man<\/a> explains that his friends are planning a trip to San Francisco to attend the Folsom Street Fair next year.<\/p>\n

<\/div>\n

\u201cI have never been and would really love to go,\u201d he says. \u201cThe issue is that I don\u2019t want to go with my fianc\u00e9.\u201d<\/p>\n

If his fianc\u00e9 were into kink, he would love for him to tag along, but he isn\u2019t, and so the man<\/a> feels \u201cas if I would constantly be worrying about him having fun and feeling too weird. And that would ruin the experience for me.\u201d<\/p>\n

He wonders: \u201cHow do I talk to him about the fact that I would prefer to have this experience without him? Is that even a good idea, or am I being selfish and prioritizing my desires over his feelings?\u201d<\/p>\n

<\/div>\n

In his response, Ortberg tells the man<\/a> it\u2019s time for the guys<\/a> to have a serious conversation about what being a \u201cgood sport\u201d truly is.<\/p>\n

\u201cObviously you don\u2019t want him to just put on a mask and power through something he actively dislikes,\u201d Ortberg writes, \u201cbut if his good-faith effort to participate in your kink still makes it really obvious he\u2019s totally turned off, then \u2026 it\u2019s time for him to take a long, restorative break from participating.\u201d<\/p>\n

As for Folsom Street Fair, Ortberg assures him that there\u2019s still plenty of time to figure that out, so don\u2019t rush anything. When it comes to kink, in general, it\u2019s always best to take things slow.<\/p>\n

<\/div>\n

\u201cSince it\u2019s still a year off, you don\u2019t have to rush into having the Folsom conversation with your fianc\u00e9 right away,\u201d he advises, \u201calthough you certainly can start establishing ground rules about how\/when\/if you might want to engage with your kink without him.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cMostly, though, I hope you know that it\u2019s not selfish to want to stop playing together because you\u2019re not feeling it. Don\u2019t force yourself to push through lackluster and alienating kink encounters just because you think you ought to be grateful for your fianc\u00e9\u2019s efforts.\u201d<\/p>\n

What advice would you give this man<\/a>? Share your pearls of wisdom in the comments section below\u2026<\/strong><\/p>\n

<\/div>\n
\n<\/a> <\/a>\n<\/div>\n

\nwww.queerty.com\/hes-really-kink-fiance-isnt-now-20191112?utm_source=feedburner&utm_medium=feed&utm_campaign=Feed%3A+queerty2+%28Queerty%29<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

He\u2019s really into kink, but his fianc\u00e9 isn\u2019t\u2026 so now what?! A 32-year-old man<\/a> says he\u2019s engaged to the most wonderful guy<\/a> in the world who he truly can\u2019t wait to marry one day, there\u2019s just one teensy tiny problem\u2026 \u201cMy interests trend to the kinkier side of the spectrum, while my fianc\u00e9 is much … Continue reading He\u2019s really into kink, but his fianc\u00e9 isn\u2019t\u2026 so now what?!<\/span> →<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2466,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[107],"tags":[2576,1130],"class_list":["post-106595","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-news","tag-folsom-street-fair","tag-san-francisco"],"yoast_head":"\nHe\u2019s really into kink, but his fianc\u00e9 isn\u2019t\u2026 so now what?! - GAYFRIENDSCHAT.com<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/www.gayfriendschat.com\/socialblog\/hes-really-into-kink-but-his-fiance-isnt-so-now-what\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"He\u2019s really into kink, but his fianc\u00e9 isn\u2019t\u2026 so now what?! - GAYFRIENDSCHAT.com\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"He\u2019s really into kink, but his fianc\u00e9 isn\u2019t\u2026 so now what?! A 32-year-old man says he\u2019s engaged to the most wonderful guy in the world who he truly can\u2019t wait to marry one day, there\u2019s just one teensy tiny problem\u2026 \u201cMy interests trend to the kinkier side of the spectrum, while my fianc\u00e9 is much … Continue reading He\u2019s really into kink, but his fianc\u00e9 isn\u2019t\u2026 so now what?! →\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:url\" content=\"https:\/\/www.gayfriendschat.com\/socialblog\/hes-really-into-kink-but-his-fiance-isnt-so-now-what\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:site_name\" content=\"GAYFRIENDSCHAT.com\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:published_time\" content=\"2019-11-12T21:26:29+00:00\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:image\" content=\"https:\/\/queerty-prodweb.s3.amazonaws.com\/2019\/11\/bdsm-kink-tools-670x447.jpg\" \/>\n<meta name=\"author\" content=\"GayFriendschat.com\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:card\" content=\"summary_large_image\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:creator\" content=\"@gayfriendschat\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:site\" content=\"@gayfriendschat\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:label1\" content=\"Written by\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:data1\" content=\"GayFriendschat.com\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:label2\" content=\"Est. reading time\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:data2\" content=\"3 minutes\" \/>\n<script type=\"application\/ld+json\" class=\"yoast-schema-graph\">{\"@context\":\"https:\/\/schema.org\",\"@graph\":[{\"@type\":\"Article\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.gayfriendschat.com\/socialblog\/hes-really-into-kink-but-his-fiance-isnt-so-now-what\/#article\",\"isPartOf\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.gayfriendschat.com\/socialblog\/hes-really-into-kink-but-his-fiance-isnt-so-now-what\/\"},\"author\":{\"name\":\"GayFriendschat.com\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.gayfriendschat.com\/socialblog\/#\/schema\/person\/181913201d50f65b9bba7437f822a17f\"},\"headline\":\"He\u2019s really into kink, but his fianc\u00e9 isn\u2019t\u2026 so now what?!\",\"datePublished\":\"2019-11-12T21:26:29+00:00\",\"mainEntityOfPage\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.gayfriendschat.com\/socialblog\/hes-really-into-kink-but-his-fiance-isnt-so-now-what\/\"},\"wordCount\":560,\"commentCount\":0,\"publisher\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.gayfriendschat.com\/socialblog\/#organization\"},\"image\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.gayfriendschat.com\/socialblog\/hes-really-into-kink-but-his-fiance-isnt-so-now-what\/#primaryimage\"},\"thumbnailUrl\":\"https:\/\/queerty-prodweb.s3.amazonaws.com\/2019\/11\/bdsm-kink-tools-670x447.jpg\",\"keywords\":[\"Folsom Street Fair\",\"San Francisco\"],\"articleSection\":[\"NEWS\"],\"inLanguage\":\"en-US\"},{\"@type\":\"WebPage\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.gayfriendschat.com\/socialblog\/hes-really-into-kink-but-his-fiance-isnt-so-now-what\/\",\"url\":\"https:\/\/www.gayfriendschat.com\/socialblog\/hes-really-into-kink-but-his-fiance-isnt-so-now-what\/\",\"name\":\"He\u2019s really into kink, but his fianc\u00e9 isn\u2019t\u2026 so now what?! 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