{"id":105432,"date":"2019-11-05T12:26:05","date_gmt":"2019-11-05T17:26:05","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.gayfriendschat.com\/socialblog\/they-say-they-want-to-spice-things-up-in-the-bedroom-but-theyre-both-too-shy\/"},"modified":"2019-11-05T12:26:05","modified_gmt":"2019-11-05T17:26:05","slug":"they-say-they-want-to-spice-things-up-in-the-bedroom-but-theyre-both-too-shy","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.gayfriendschat.com\/socialblog\/they-say-they-want-to-spice-things-up-in-the-bedroom-but-theyre-both-too-shy\/","title":{"rendered":"They say they want to spice things up in the bedroom, but they\u2019re both too shy"},"content":{"rendered":"

They say they want to spice things up in the bedroom, but they\u2019re both too shy<\/b><\/p>\n

\"\"<\/p>\n

A gay<\/a> man<\/a> in his 30s says he and his boyfriend have hit a roadblock in their sex<\/a> life and they haven\u2019t figured out how to get over it, so he\u2019s seeking advice<\/a> from sex<\/a> columnist Stoya over at Slate.<\/em><\/p>\n

\u201cMy boyfriend and I have been together through most of our 20s and now into our 30s,\u201d the man<\/a>\u2019s letter begins, \u201cand our sex<\/a> life has been solid and satisfying for the most part.\u201d<\/p>\n

The couple<\/a> recently began talking about opening up their relationship, but they have yet to actually act on it.<\/p>\n

<\/div>\n

\u201cI think we are both just not hugely sex<\/a>-driven,\u201d he continues. \u201cHowever, over the years, we have obliquely realized that we both get the most enjoyment (and best orgasms) from masturbation, usually with the aid of porn.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cRecently, I started to think about him masturbating while I do, and watching videos<\/a> of couples<\/a> masturbating together, and that\u2019s made me want to try it with him. I told him and he was down to try. I realize this sounds silly for two people who have been together almost a decade, but we did try, and found that we couldn\u2019t really do it\u2014we were both embarrassed to turn on the porn we like, and he couldn\u2019t even get hard at first.\u201d<\/p>\n

So, he says, they \u201cended up just having sex<\/a> instead to cut the awkwardness.\u201d But watching porn together is still an activity he would like to try, despite their first failed attempt.<\/p>\n

\u201cI think it might take our sex<\/a> life to a new level,\u201d he says. But, he wonders, \u201cHow do we push past our shyness, both about the physical act and about sharing the porn we like?\u201d<\/p>\n

<\/div>\n

In her response, Stoya suggests the guys<\/a> do an assessment of their sex<\/a> life together up until now.<\/p>\n

\u201cWhat was the last thing that felt comfortable? Was it talking about masturbation with your boyfriend? Was it thinking about talking with him? Whatever that point is, go back to it and hang out for a while.\u201d<\/p>\n

Once they are back in that familiar place, Stoya\u2019s next piece of advice: advance things slowly.<\/p>\n

<\/div>\n

\u201cTry texting from separate rooms or speaking verbally with the lights off. Send each other links to what you like when you\u2019re apart. Progress to the point where you\u2019re both comfortable sharing verbally while maintaining eye contact.\u201d<\/p>\n

#babysteps.<\/p>\n

She continues, \u201cKeep that relaxed and steady pace as things get more physical. Take your clothes off slowly; touch yourselves slowly; give yourself permission to orgasm\u00a0and<\/em> to stay at the plateau phase. Take your time. Be gentle with each other.\u201d<\/p>\n

<\/div>\n

What do you think of Stoya\u2019s advice? What would you suggest the guys<\/a> try instead? Sound off in the comments section below\u2026<\/strong><\/p>\n

\n<\/a> <\/a>\n<\/div>\n

\nwww.queerty.com\/say-want-spice-things-bedroom-theyre-shy-20191105?utm_source=feedburner&utm_medium=feed&utm_campaign=Feed%3A+queerty2+%28Queerty%29<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

They say they want to spice things up in the bedroom, but they\u2019re both too shy A gay<\/a> man<\/a> in his 30s says he and his boyfriend have hit a roadblock in their sex<\/a> life and they haven\u2019t figured out how to get over it, so he\u2019s seeking advice from sex<\/a> columnist Stoya over at … Continue reading They say they want to spice things up in the bedroom, but they\u2019re both too shy<\/span> →<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2466,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[107],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-105432","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-news"],"yoast_head":"\nThey say they want to spice things up in the bedroom, but they\u2019re both too shy - GAYFRIENDSCHAT.com<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/www.gayfriendschat.com\/socialblog\/they-say-they-want-to-spice-things-up-in-the-bedroom-but-theyre-both-too-shy\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"They say they want to spice things up in the bedroom, but they\u2019re both too shy - 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