{"id":105416,"date":"2019-11-05T10:27:01","date_gmt":"2019-11-05T15:27:01","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.gayfriendschat.com\/socialblog\/minority-stress-is-real-5-self-care-tips-to-help-you-survive-and-thrive\/"},"modified":"2019-11-05T10:27:01","modified_gmt":"2019-11-05T15:27:01","slug":"minority-stress-is-real-5-self-care-tips-to-help-you-survive-and-thrive","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.gayfriendschat.com\/socialblog\/minority-stress-is-real-5-self-care-tips-to-help-you-survive-and-thrive\/","title":{"rendered":"Minority stress is real. 5 self-care tips to help you survive and thrive."},"content":{"rendered":"

Minority stress is real. 5 self-care tips to help you survive and thrive.<\/b><\/p>\n

\"\"<\/p>\n

I\u2019ll be the first to tell you that I think everyone should make time for self-care.<\/p>\n

When I say \u201cself-care,\u201d though, I don\u2019t just mean self-care that\u2019s tied to consumerism or that\u2019s all sheet masks and bath bombs. I mean self-care as a collection of tools\u2014from coping mechanisms to healthful habits to feel-good activities\u2014that get us through the day. Or the week, or the month, or the year. Everyone, I believe, can make existing in this world just a little easier by curating their own personal collection of self-care tools.<\/p>\n

That said, I would be lying if I told you I didn\u2019t have a special place in my heart for just how important self-care can be for people in the LGBTQ+ community. Of course, no single member of the community will have the same experience. But for me, and for so many queer and trans<\/a> people I know, self-care isn\u2019t just a good thing; it can be a matter of survival.<\/p>\n

<\/div>\n

It wasn\u2019t until recently that I had words to describe what I was feeling. While reporting for a completely different story on self-care for my day job, an expert told me about the concept of minority stress, a framework to help us understand how stigma, prejudice, and discrimination create a stressful social environment that fosters the very mental health problems. Minority stress accounts in part for why we are more than twice as likely as heterosexual adults to experience a mental health condition and why LGBTQ+ people are at a higher risk for suicidal thoughts and suicide attempts.<\/p>\n

Simply put, existing in the world as a queer or trans<\/a> person can wear down our minds and bodies. When this specific systemic and targeted stress is part of our lives, it becomes important to take care of ourselves in any way we can. And so, I\u2019ve developed my own stress toolkit in order to exist in the world as a queer woman<\/a>.<\/p>\n

Here are a few of those tips from my book, The More or Less Definitive Guide to Self-Care<\/em><\/a>, adapted exclusively for Queerty<\/em>.<\/p>\n

1. Set your boundaries<\/strong>
\nYou\u2019ve probably heard about the importance of setting boundaries, but the idea is such a broad and nebulous one that it can be hard to know where to start. We\u2019re not talking about building fences to keep out annoying neighbors here. Boundaries are essentially ground rules you put in place\u2014both by communicating them to others and committing to them yourself\u2014to protect your time, values, mood, emotional well-being, comfort, and even safety. They can be big or small, emotional or physical. Without healthy boundaries, it\u2019s really difficult to create a safe space for you and your relationships to flourish.<\/p>\n

<\/div>\n

For many LGTBQ+ people, the most important boundaries you can set are to protect yourself from toxicity in your life\u2014conservative and close-minded family members, the never-ending deluge of headlines about the trash fire that is 2019, or even exes if you\u2019re unlucky enough to live<\/a> in a place where the queer community feels this big. That might mean dropping them cold turkey, or something a little less drastic if you\u2019re not able to cut the cord. Anyone else have a no-politics rule at the Thanksgiving dinner table?<\/p>\n

2. Get creative<\/strong>
\nCreative outlets like journaling, writing, and drawing have always been the first place I go to feel safe in a world that seems committed to misunderstanding me and parts of my identity. If you\u2019re a creative person\u2014whatever that means to you\u2014nourishing that creative energy is a huge part of taking care of your spirit. Otherwise, I don\u2019t think it\u2019s an exaggeration to say that you\u2019re neglecting an important part of you, and that neglect could have a profound effect on your well-being. Poet Mary Oliver once wrote in Blue Pastures<\/em>, a collection of prose pieces, \u201cThe most regretful people on earth are those who felt the call<\/a> to creative work, who felt their own creative power restive and uprising, and gave to it neither power nor time.\u201d If these words speak to you, don\u2019t forget them.<\/p>\n

\"\"3. Make some internet friends<\/strong>
\nI know I\u2019m not the only one who made her very first queer and trans<\/a> friends on the internet. When I was younger and my bisexuality was a secret, it wasn\u2019t exactly easy to find other people. And even now that I\u2019m older and out, the internet\u2014from Twitter to Tumblr to RPG forums\u2014remains a portal that streamlines the search for humans you would never otherwise meet IRL. At this point, everyone should have internet friends\u2014we spend too much time online not to.<\/p>\n

<\/div>\n

4. Find an LGBTQ+ affirming therapist<\/strong>
\nThe very act of allowing yourself a space to focus on you and only you is one of the most compassionate things you can do for yourself\u2014but it feels weird. We\u2019re all used to relationships being reciprocal, a balance between talking and listening, venting and helping. Which is what makes having a therapist so magical. Yes, it\u2019s a professional relationship, but it\u2019s also a weird, wonderful, intimate one, probably unlike any other connection you have. Here\u2019s this person in your corner whose job it is to be an expert at supporting you. Where else can you get that?<\/p>\n

5. Ditch the brave face<\/strong>
\nDo you know how exhausting it is to pretend to be OK? When we\u2019re in pain, emotional or physical, it\u2019s wild how much energy we put into making our experiences palatable and easier to digest for others. For example, we push through pain to avoid canceling plans, we smile and say we\u2019re doing well when people ask, we sanitize our crises and episodes so they don\u2019t sound like a big deal. We\u2019ve been taught that it\u2019s admirable and noble to be unwavering and strong in the face of adversity, but whom does that help? Not us. In fact, it might hurt us. We don\u2019t have to expend energy on making other people comfortable with our pain.<\/p>\n

The people who are worth our time will be supportive if we occasionally need to let it out.<\/p>\n

<\/div>\n

\"\"Anna<\/span>\u00a0Borges<\/span><\/b>\u00a0is Senior Health Editor at\u00a0Self<\/em>\u00a0magazine and a mental health advocate. Previously,\u00a0Borges<\/span>\u00a0was a health and wellness staff writer at\u00a0BuzzFeed, where she helped build its mental health platform from the ground up. <\/em><\/p>\n

Her writing has appeared in\u00a0Glamour, Women\u2019s Health, Cosmopolitan, Bustle,\u00a0and\u00a0The Outline. She lives in Brooklyn and this is her first book.<\/em><\/p>\n

\n<\/a> <\/a>\n<\/div>\n

\nwww.queerty.com\/minority-stress-real-5-self-care-tips-help-survive-thrive-20191105?utm_source=feedburner&utm_medium=feed&utm_campaign=Feed%3A+queerty2+%28Queerty%29<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Minority stress is real. 5 self-care tips to help you survive and thrive. I\u2019ll be the first to tell you that I think everyone should make time for self-care. When I say \u201cself-care,\u201d though, I don\u2019t just mean self-care that\u2019s tied to consumerism or that\u2019s all sheet masks and bath bombs. I mean self-care as … Continue reading Minority stress is real. 5 self-care tips to help you survive and thrive.<\/span> →<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2466,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[107],"tags":[915,22348,32102,32103],"class_list":["post-105416","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-news","tag-lgbtq","tag-lgtbq","tag-poet-mary-oliver","tag-rpg"],"yoast_head":"\nMinority stress is real. 5 self-care tips to help you survive and thrive. - GAYFRIENDSCHAT.com<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/www.gayfriendschat.com\/socialblog\/minority-stress-is-real-5-self-care-tips-to-help-you-survive-and-thrive\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Minority stress is real. 5 self-care tips to help you survive and thrive. - GAYFRIENDSCHAT.com\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"Minority stress is real. 5 self-care tips to help you survive and thrive. 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