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Towleroad Guide to the Tube #1711
ACCIDENTAL BEAR: Mike Enders hits the beach with Drag Race alumni Tammie Brown
GUN SHOP: What would happen if one was opened in NYC?
ANGRY TORTOISE: Don’t interrupt his love-making
UPTOWN FUNK: Sexy treadmill dance version
For more recent Guides to the Tube, click HERE.
Kyler Geoffroy
www.towleroad.com/2015/03/towleroad-guide-to-the-tube–5.html
Cyber Suitors: Shattered Illusions Along the Information Superhighway
“I love you.”
Men have said those words to me before, but none with as much heartfelt sincerity as Lucas.
“I mean it,” he continued. “You’re everything to me.” Included with that text message was a snapshot of the “Full Lucas,” a nude selfie that was, as he put it, taken to reiterate how much he trusted and cared for me. After all, our relationship had been on fire for three months, and it was time to take things to the next level.
“I love you, too,” I said, attaching a close-up of my smiling face. I had never taken sexually suggestive photographs with my phone, so Lucas’s fully extended, ahem, “enthusiasm” had to speak for both of us. Not to mention that I was tentative about saying the “L word;” it was a big step for me — especially considering that Lucas and I had never actually met. In person, that is.
The Internet has, indeed, made the world a very small place; conversely, it has deepened the dating pool to the point that scuba gear might soon be required. Lucas hadn’t applied any geographic parameters to his online dating search and, likewise, was sifting through potential mates across the entire United States — even some of Europe and Asia.
“I think it’s really hard to find love,” he told me, when he first reached out with a flattering, gushing message on Match.com, “So I don’t want to limit myself to men in only my city. Unlimited calling plans, texting and FaceTime have made it easier to meet ‘The One.'”
This wasn’t the first time that I’d been contacted by someone out of state or enjoyed flirty rapports with gentlemen in various parts of the world. There was Stephen in London, Derek in Salt Lake City and Tom in Columbus. But, we all tired of the novelty after a week or two — except for Lucas in Denver. He was persistent and tenacious, and I was an easy mark.
At 40, I dream of having a solid, monogamous relationship with a mature, culturally literate man. In my one long-term relationship — which lasted five years — I didn’t feel unconditionally loved or supported. Being new to romance at that time, I didn’t really have an understanding of my needs and expectations. I was aware enough to know, however, that an emotional component was missing. After an amicable break up, I was desperate to find the comfort and security of a substantial lover, a man who was forthcoming with compliments and affection. I became the terminally single friend who whined to his inner circle about being alone; I was a gay Sex and the City episode without the Jimmy Choos.
It was no wonder, then, that I was so easily taken with Internet dating. Each “like,” “wink,” and message saw the potential for everything I wanted. My fantasy man was sitting out there somewhere behind the bright light of a 17″, MacBook Pro computer screen, iPad or Kindle. So what if he was 1,000 miles away? I wanted so much to bond romantically with another human being that I undervalued the courtship process and eschewed traditional dating protocol for the promise of someone who decided I was worth loving without even having laid eyes on me.
I talked and texted with Lucas daily, discussing my work life in Los Angeles and his as a father to two foster children in Colorado. He would send me school pictures and updates about his family, and we would talk a number of times each week. We even found ways to satisfy each other sexually through phone calls and video chats, another way that the Worldwide Web has brought us all only eight inches apart. My overwhelming desire for a connection swept me into a cyber romance that I actually started to believe in. Lucas seemed to be a reliable, honorable man and I began to think that Denver might not be such a bad place to live.
“I assume that you’re not seeing or sleeping with other men,” Lucas announced one month after first reaching out to me online. I actually hadn’t thought about making that declaration, but I also hadn’t felt the desire to explore anyone else. “I think we should commit to this and see where it takes us,” he said.
I was warmed and excited to hear how taken with me he was; this almost-stranger recognized my value from a distance, and my need for love and approval pushed me into the very arms I wouldn’t be able to touch until one of us got on an airplane to see the other.
Two weeks after we exchanged “I love yous” — just about four months since “meeting” — I couldn’t seem to get Lucas on the phone. His texts and e-mails trailed off, and I was enveloped in a dreary sense of loss that, looking back, seems misguided for a love affair that started, lived and ended on a smart phone. In a quick text, he finally admitted that he had met another man in Denver and had been seeing the gentleman for a month. Apparently, what I wished would be something real was merely a stop-gap for Lucas. Oddly, the dissolution of my relationship with him felt equally as profound as the end of my relationship with my previous, long-term partner.
Diana Ross was supreme enough to tell the world that “You can’t hurry love; you just have to wait.” She was right. So, instead of speeding along the information superhighway, looking for the latest home remedies AND love, I’ve decided to take the surface streets. No more of these online illusions and fantasies of dream men who are waiting for me in every city BUT Los Angeles. I want the real thing, with a real person with real motivation and genuine interest. And, for that, I may just have to stick close to home.
Georgia House Subcommittee to Hear Anti-LGBT Bill Tomorrow
S.B. 129 would empower individuals to use their religion to pick and choose which laws they want to follow, unleashing an anticipated wave of lawsuits and discrimination targeting the LGBT community.
HRC.org
Gay Men Are More Prone To Skin Cancer Thanks To Fake Baking, Study Says
In case you needed another reminder to always wear sunscreen, a new study has found that gay and bisexual men in the United States are twice as likely as heterosexual men to develop skin cancer, USA Today reports. The reason? Fake baking, of course. The study also found that gay and bisexual men are more likely to hang out in cancer boxes tanning beds.
“The primary reason that men and women engage in indoor tanning is because of the cultural association of tanning with a healthy look and overall attractiveness, ” researcher Sarah Arron, an associate professor of dermatology at the University of California, San Francisco, says. “We need to dispel the myth of the healthy tan.”
Researchers looked at government health surveys conducted in California between 2001 and 2009 and found a higher number of cases of melanoma and non-melanoma skin cancers among gay and bisexual men than heterosexual men. They also found that gay and bisexual men in California reported being three times more likely to engage in indoor tanning than straight men were.
Researchers then looked at national health surveys for 2013 and found similar results. Gay and bisexual men were twice as likely as in straight men to develop skin cancer, and about 5 percent of them said they had engaged in indoor tanning in the past year compared to just 1.7 percent of straight men.
“While unfortunate and alarming, the findings are not all that surprising,” says Fred Sainz, vice president for communication at the Human Rights Campaign. Sainz suggests gay men tan because they are vain and want to look “youthful and attractive.”
“It’s short-term gain vs. long-term pain,” he says.
So breakout the SPV 50, fellas. Unless, of course, you want to look like this:
Or this:
Related stories:
Tan Mom Is Making A Gay Porn —You Read That Correctly
Bad News For Bottoms: New Study Finds Too Much Penetration Can Cause Cancer
The Economy Must Be Improving If People Are Being Paid To Watch You Tan
Graham Gremore
11 Ferocious Dance Moves From Zumanity's Yanis Marshall
Are you ready for this jelly? Yanis Marshall, the out choreographer for Cirque du Soleil’s Vegas production of Zumanity, breaks it down exclusively for The Advocate.
Yezmin Villarreal
www.advocate.com/arts-entertainment/2015/03/23/11-ferocious-dance-moves-zumanitys-yanis-marshall
Kerry Washington Makes Impassioned Plea For Equality In Emotional GLAAD Awards Speech (VIDEO)
“Scandal” star Kerry Washington is winning raves for her powerful, impassioned speech at the 2015 GLAAD Media Awards in Los Angeles in which she called for equal rights for the lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender (LGBT) community along with women and racial minorities.
“There are people in this world who have full rights and citizenship — in our communities, our countries — around the world. And then there are those of us who to varying degrees do not,” Washington told the crowd. “We don’t have equal access to education and healthcare, and some other basic liberties like marriage, a fair voting process, fair hiring practices.”
She went on to note:
Now you would think that those kept from our full rights of citizenship would band together and fight the good fight. But history tells us that no, often we don’t. Women, poor people, people of color, people with disabilities, immigrants, gay men, bisexuals, trans people, intersex people. We have been pitted against each other and made to feel there are limited seats at the table for those of us who fall into the category of ‘other.’
Watch the full speech here:
“I don’t decide to play the characters I play as a political choice, yet the characters I play often do become political statements,” she said, before calling for “more diverse LGBT representation” and “more employment of LGBT people in front of, and behind, the camera.”
“Having your story told — as a woman, as a person of color, as a lesbian or as a trans person, or as any member of any disenfranchised community — is sadly often still a radical idea,” she then added. “There is so much power in storytelling, and there is enormous power in inclusive storytelling, in inclusive representations.”
The 38-year-old actress was honored with the Vanguard Award at the March 21 ceremony, which took place at the Beverly Hilton.
H/T Cosmopolitan
Bills to Allow Transgender People to Amend Birth Certificates Heard in Connecticut and Hawaii
This week, bills were heard in Connecticut and Hawaii that would allow transgender people to more easily change their birth certificates.
HRC.org
Syphilis Rates in Chelsea Are 6 Times the NYC Average And Are Being Driven Primarily By Gay Men
The rate of syphilis transmission in Chelsea has skyrocketed to more than six times the city’s average infection rate – a rise that the city’s health department says is primarily being driven by gay men having unprotected sex.
In 2013, the neighborhood had 93.3 syphilis infections per 100,000 people. The city average is 14. Chelsea’s infection rate is higher than any city in the nation.
DNAinfo reports:
Anthony Hayes of AIDS service organization GMHC said that because syphilis is difficult to detect early on, the disease spreads rapidly.
“In those areas you have a sexual network that are likely unaware that they have syphilis. When you have sexual networks that are unaware that they have something, it is easy for it to multiply more quickly,” he explained.
“More people are having unprotected sex … the other thing is it’s really easy to get, you don’t have to just engage in intercourse. You can get it through oral sex,” he added, saying GMHC offers free testing at their West 29th Street clinic.
Kyler Geoffroy
A Young Man Was Beaten for Being Gay and Mississippi Doesn't Think It's a Hate Crime
Faggot. It’s unfortunately a word that most gay men have had thrown at them at some point in their life. It’s a word that Devin Norman heard yelled at him in a grocery store parking lot this weekend before he was allegedly brutally beaten for being a gay man in Mississippi.
The thought of being physically harmed for being gay has crossed the mind of nearly every gay man. For many, myself included, it’s a thought that’s become a reality. With the Supreme Court just months away a landmark decision that could legalize marriage equality in the United States and superstars like Laverne Cox on the cover of magazines, it’s easy to feel like we no longer live in a world in which people in the LGBT* have much left to worry about. That simply is not the case.
On March 20, 2015, Devin Norman became further proof of that. Devin is currently recovering from his brutal attack and his attacker has been taken into custody. Here’s the problem: His attacker is merely being charged with assault, even though the incident appears to be a hate crime motivated by sexual orientation. Mississippi has no hate crime protections in place for gay people — not surprising of a state that is refusing to issue marriage licenses to gay couples after being mandated to do so by federal court.)
While Mississippi continues to lag behind the times, we can still get justice for Devin on federal level. You see, on October 28, 2009 President Obama signed the Matthew Shepard and James Byrd, Jr. Hate Crimes Prevention Act, attached to the National Defense Authorization Act for Fiscal Year 2010. The bill expanded the existing United States federal hate crime law to apply to crimes motivated by a victim’s actual or perceived gender, sexual orientation, gender identity, or disability, and dropped the prerequisite that the victim be engaging in a federally protected activity.
Last year, Devin said on his Facebook page that he aims to be the change that he wishes to see in this world. Out of this terrible event, we can help to make that goal a reality.
Will you call the numbers below and tell them that you are demanding #JusticeForDevin and that this case should be tried as a hate crime?
Trent Kelly, DA: (662) 287-2486.
Corinth Police Department: (662) 286-3377.
FBI Memphis field office: (901) 747-4300.
It’s up to us to not only stand up for Devin, but to also ensure that our government continues to the set the precedent that we will not stand for hate crimes in this country, including those aimed at a person’s sexual orientation or gender identity.
Thankfully Devin survived his ordeal, not all people are so lucky. One notable instance of a person who died from injuries sustained from a hate crime is that of Matthew Shepard. Now an icon in the gay community, his murder began conversations across the country about the threats that LGBT* people face, and helped to ensure that federal hate crime legislation includes sexual orientation. That was nearly 17 years ago, and while we’ve made progress, these problems still persist. It’s up to us to stand up and do something about it!
Click here to donate to the GoFundMe account set up for Devin’s recovery.
Looking at “Looking”: Season 2, Episode 10
We end with beginnings: Doris and Dom turn over a new leaf, Ag starts a new medication, Eddie unveils a new mural, and Kevin and Patrick start a new living situation.
Our doe-eyed lead kicks things off by doing what he does best: walking wide-eyed into a situation without the knowledge or equipment required to handle it effectively. Today’s microcosm of his childlike nature is the journey from the sidewalk into his apartment. Carrying a box of valuables literally labeled “valuables” in block letters (which is a bad idea when you’re the most muggable person on the planet), he can barely open an unlocked door. The doors on this building, however, do indeed lock. And not with keys: with fobs. But he doesn’t get stuck outside because help is on the way in the form of two slightly sinister neighbors. They fob him in, and then fob him again in the elevator. If that sounds like innuendo, just wait.
Upstairs, Kevin is already unpacking his things. Somehow, Patrick is just now realizing that he has never seen Kevin’s belongings (not counting the sweaters he’s slowly stealing). Things that don’t cause him doubt: bareback sex with his partnered boss in their office. Things that do: a Field of Dreams poster. Priorities, ladies and gentlemen! They drink, discuss sleep numbers, and begin to disrobe when WHOOPS! There’s a knock at the door. The neighbors have impeccable timing, huh? They invite the new tenants to a gathering in their apartment. It conflicts with the party Ag and Eddie are throwing, but they decide to go anyway because Patrick adheres to the time-honored WASP tradition of coldly ignoring his loved ones at Christmas.
Across town, Dom is casually stalking Malik. Which makes sense: we’re talking about a man who’s built like five twinks Voltronned together, wears suits by day and Cher wigs by night, and enjoys rimming his partners. People should be following him in vans like the Grateful Dead. But this meeting isn’t about that, it’s about patching things up with Doris. She’s at home obsessively cleaning and pointedly avoiding any contact with her former best friend, and it’s time to patch things up. Malik is happy to facilitate, because he is the best person ever. This show’s secondary characters are consistently the anchors holding down the bubble-headed leads.
Back at the apartment party, things are getting a little weird. First off, there’s a very Stepford vibe about their attendees, who are whiter, leaner, and more uniform in appearance than grocery store chicken cutlets. Plus, people repeatedly suggest that the already-flirty vibe is about to kick up several notches once everyone’s drunk enough to get in a mistake-making mood. Which Patrick is giggly about (we’ve seen how well he holds his liquor) until one of the hosts accidentally outs Kevin as a current Grindr user. So yeah, party over.
Ag calls to figure out where Patrick is. Patrick is all, “can we make this, like all things, about me for a minute?” and Ag is all, “thanks for supporting this event. Also something about PrEP because we’re being topical now.”
After months of blissfully letting things slide, Patrick is suddenly chock full of questions. Again, for a man who didn’t see any moral ambiguity in a little unprotected workplace bonding, he’s pretty invested in the number of steam room hand jobs Kevin has received. The man cheated. Multiple times. We all knew this. Moving on.
The real catastrophe is when Kevin decides that, in the spirit of honesty, he’d like to discuss right at this moment that he’s not necessarily interested in a monogamous relationship. He could use a lesson from the neighbor couple on timing, because he’s got none. Predictably, Patrick does not take this suggestion well. He spends the rest of the night wandering the halls of the building, lost and fobless, making weird metaphors about how their relationship is a sleep number bed and they’ll always be mismatched mattresses of different toughness levels with different numbers of people sleeping on them. Kevin wants to make it work, and eventually they hit a weak note of compromise, but the wafer-thin veneer of confidence that was holding them together is just about broken.
Dom and Doris at least have a clean, amicable breakup. They’re still friends, but they admit that they were codependent and that they will better support each other if they let go and pursue other people. It’s exactly how I’d want to be dumped by my gay bestie if I were a woman dating a white collar fuckopotomas with a golden tongue.
Sleep does not come easy for Patrick, who deals with it by digging through his box of valuables, which isn’t fragile things like I assumed but reminders of his friends, like pictures and stuff. It’s a sweet moment until he fishes out Richie’s necklace from the first season. Despite the underlying sentimentality of the gesture, I’m really hoping that he’s done fucking with coupled dudes. He’s going to be like Gay Relationship Godzilla soon, stampeding through the city destroying loving connections the way Republicans think we’re going to do to straight people when we get legally married. Rather than a monstrous rampage, he settles for an early morning meeting with his ex that he specifies will involve no talking, just hair removal. I’m sure he’s trying to start fresh by getting a buzz cut, but the truth is that he’s going to look even more like Kevin when he’s done. If we’re lucky, Season 3 will just be Single White Female: The Homosexual Miniseries.
Chris Kelly
feedproxy.google.com/~r/queerty2/~3/jKn8r6cOfio/looking-at-looking-season-2-episode-10-20150323
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