Here's What Happens When You Forget About Sex Roles and Rules
The first time we kissed, she pushed me up against the side of my Wrangler and pinned me tightly to the cold metal. I’m not going to lie. I love that shit and I seriously melted at the sheer aggression she displayed out of the gate. But it’s not the only way I like to play. And since it was our first date, I wondered immediately if she could, well, switch.

I’m a small girl — barely 5-even on a good day — and Gap Kids fits me better than Gap. But I’m no shrinking violet. I speak my mind to anyone who will listen and I have never once met a stranger.

This has left me in a quandary when it comes to sex. Girls make assumptions about who I am in bed because of my small stature and femme presentation. They automatically assume submission. They often also assume fragility as well.

I’ve made the unfortunate choice of not being true to my sexual self in the past and it hasn’t gone well. I allowed girls to treat me like a submissive and acquiesced when they said they didn’t ever want to find themselves on the receiving end.

But the truth is, as much as I love to be thrown around, I can also enjoy taking the lead myself. So when I discovered that my now-girlfriend, the one who pinned me so aggressively to my Jeep that night, could play on the submissive side as well (and could change roles on a dime, at that!) all the bells went off in my head. The good bells.

I whispered nasty things in her ear. I climbed onto her lap. I told her what to do and I reminded her what would happen if she didn’t see fit to obey. And then I held my breath, eager — and a little bit anxious — to see how she would react. No doubt she could have tossed me off her lap. This was all about the mindfuck, the power play and if this was going to work for more than a night or two, I needed to know if she was in.

Her eyes went soft and breath quickened. She was frozen in her seat and she obeyed me to the letter and I have never felt more relieved or turned on. In a snap this girl was happy to be whoever it was her turn to be. Taking turns. One of the first and best lessons we learn as a kid. Makes sense now more than ever to play by those rules. That way, everyone on the playground is assured a good time.

They call that being “a switch.”

To my mind, it’s magic … might even be the secret to avoiding lesbian bed death. With so many roles to play, how could you ever get bored? With this kind of fluid role reversing, you get to be all the things you are and want to be and even never realized you could or wanted to be.

How do you know if you’re a switch? Well, if you like playing both sides of the fence, as it were, that might be the exactly who you are.

It erases the “this is what femme sexual behavior looks like” and “this is what non-femme (soft butch, fill-in-the-blank) sexual behavior looks like” and instead introduces my favorite kind of sex — “this is what sex looks like for you and me as we define it and change it and explore it as we go.”

Being a switch doesn’t mean you have to do anything. Toys and strap-ons and every position under the sun are at your disposal, but not required. All it means is that you always get to choose and the options to choose from are infinite regardless of whether you wear your hair long or short, whether your go-to shoes are high heels or loafers, whether you fancy yourself super girly or not so much.

Read the rest of this piece here!

This article appeared in the Dallas Voice print edition May 8, 2015.

— This feed and its contents are the property of The Huffington Post, and use is subject to our terms. It may be used for personal consumption, but may not be distributed on a website.

www.huffingtonpost.com/jenny-block/heres-what-happens-when-y_1_b_7269704.html?utm_hp_ref=gay-voices&ir=Gay+Voices

U.S. Office of Special Counsel Announces Settlement with Department of Veterans Affairs

Yesterday the U.S. Office of Special Counsel (OSC) announced that it facilitated a settlement agreement with the Department of Veterans Affairs (VA).
HRC.org

www.hrc.org/blog/entry/osc-facilitates-settlement-with-department-of-veterans-affairs?utm_source=rss&utm_medium=rss-feed

Ex-Jehovah’s Witness To Gay Community: “Everything I Learned…Is A Big Pile Of Sh*t”

Not that this is news exactly, but religion teaches some wacky nonsense. And Jehovah’s Witnesses are up there among the looniest of the toons.

One ex-Jehovah’s Witness named Misha Anouk decided to pen a letter to the LGBT community detailing his journey from the other side. It’s an important reminder that we all have the power to open our minds, no matter where you come from or what you’ve been taught.

Here’s how he tells it:

Dear LGBT-Community, I was a homophobic assh*le for two-thirds of my life. I am 33 now and it is time for me to apologize.

You see, I was born into a family of Jehovah’s Witnesses. I was a member of this organization for nearly 21 years. I got baptized when I was 14 and left Jehovah’s Witnesses on December 16th, 2003.

Let me get this straight: Individual members Jehovah’s Witnesses are not bad people per se. Most of the former spiritual sisters and brothers I had contact with were great guys who wanted the best for their family, their friends and – believe it or not – the people they visited to distribute their Watchtower and Awake! magazines. I know this for sure because I was one of them.

And that’s why I firmly believe that Jehovah’s Witnesses as an organization are a homophobic cult…

Of course, Jehovah’s Witnesses claim not to judge the individual – but who are they kidding? As soon as you start judging the actions of an individual you automatically start judging the person behind the actions. Especially if you associate these actions with labels like “unnatural sexual perversion”, “hate”, “perverted desire”, “condemn”, “abhorrent”, “sexually degrading” – or even compare it to the sexual abuse of children.

Related: This Flow Chart That Destroys Religion’s Case Against Gay Marriage Is So Easy, Any Zealot Can Use It

Most of the Jehovah’s Witnesses I knew agreed with the sentiments displayed in above quotes. I know that for sure, because I agreed with them.

I am ashamed to say that for the better part of my life I detested Homosexuality, thought it to be a sin, something bad. I viewed Homosexuals as perverted and used gay as a swear word. I wasn’t the only one. When my Jehovah’s Witness friends and I watched a movie with gay protagonists we felt sick and made no secret of it. We were convinced Homosexuals would die in Armageddon and we believed they deserved it.

To be honest: I did have a bad conscience, even back then, whenever I looked down on Homosexuals, because I knew it was only the actions that were to be judged. But then again I had read in the Bible that Jehovah hated Homosexuality so it couldn’t be that wrong to detest them, right?

On December 16, 2003 I was disfellowshipped by Jehovah’s Witnesses. My former friends have shunned me since then, my brother hasn’t spoken a single word to me since then and what I have with my friends is what I would call a relationshipwreck. I experienced first-hand what it means when people look down on you because they don’t agree with your lifestyle. That is the first lesson I learned.

Related: 10 Bible-Based Reasons Why Christians Should Love Homosexuality

The second, much more valuable lesson I have learned in the past 11 years is that everything I learned about life from Jehovah’s Witnesses is a big pile of sh*t. I grew up as a Jehovah’s Witness and turned into a homophobic assh*le because of that.

And I am proud to say that I am this assh*le no more. When I stopped being a Jehovah’s Witness I learned to have respect for all walks of life. I learned that you can choose who you sleep with and how you dress, but you do not choose your sexuality or your biological gender. I grew up in a binary world. But when I left, the diverse world beyond Jehovah’s Witnesses grew on me, and I learned to love it. I have a bunch of friends from the LGBT community and they all welcomed me into their lives despite of my past. Their example touched me and showed me what a jerk I used to be.

I have no idea how many people I have hurt in my life through my beliefs and homophobic or sexist slurs I may have uttered. It doesn’t matter because it is enough that I even entertained these kind of thoughts for the better part of my life. I am honestly sorry I was this kind of person. I know for sure that Jehovah’s Witnesses don’t tolerate crimes against Homosexuals. But they don’t realize that hate speech like theirs is a breeding ground for crimes against Homosexuals. I am so happy that I had the chance to change. I will never be able to make up for what I once believed. The least I can do is to apologize for having been part of a movement that contributes to intolerance. And I will do everything I can to contribute to the making of a world where everybody has the same rights as I no matter where they come from, what they identify as or who they love.

Best regards,
Misha Anouk

Dan Tracer

feedproxy.google.com/~r/queerty2/~3/1NBtmAbwEwo/ex-jehovahs-witness-to-gay-community-everything-i-learned-is-a-big-pile-of-sht-20150513

Meet 'Mouthfeel', the New Gay Culinary Magazine with a Punk Twist

 

If you’re looking for something a little more sultry than just sumptuous fare in your food magazines, new publication Mouthfeel might just be the new magazine for you, with dishes and dishy boys sure to whet your appetite.

 

The magazine explores the complexities of food and the characters involved, all from a gay point-of-view and with a hardcore punk aesthetic. Described as being “for readers with unrestrained appetites for food, men, music and humor” each issue promises to serve up profiles, photos, artwork, recipes, essays and more.

 

Says founder Founder and Creative Director Mac Malikowski of the project, “I wanted to bring together the culture I live in – a combo of food, coffee, humor, hardcore and some hot guys here and there to keep it interesting. My favorite media always carries the torch of counter-culture. And counter-culture to me has always generated the best in food, art, music and my favorite types of guys. It’s a natural equation to me.” 

 

Check out a few more snaps to give you a feel for Mouthfeel, AFTER THE JUMP…

 

You can also purchase your print copy of the magazine HERE. The first issue is a limited edition run of 100 copies. Online content is slated to be released May 18. 

 

Sean Mandell

www.towleroad.com/2015/05/meet-mouthfeel-the-new-gay-culinary-magazine-with-a-punk-twist.html

Now Is the Time to Start Talking About Racism in the LGBT Community
It’s been a long time coming, but no time is better than now.

As the Supreme Court gets ready to hopefully legitimize a belief that many of us in the LGBT community already consider an inalienable right — marriage equality for all — it’s high time we start preparing ourselves for the next major issue to address: intersectionality.

Yes, for decades, the face of LGBT representation has been dominated by white people, predominately cisgender gay white men. And as much as we would like to continue to blame cultural stigmas within other cultures for why there has not been such a huge turnaround of faster diversity — it’s time we start looking inward.

Fact: I am an openly gay black man. Another fact: as disappointing as it may sound, experiencing racism as a “double-minority” has been felt within both communities. I can be racially profiled at a store as a black man and can then be treated as a pariah at a gay club the same night by the white men and bouncers who occupy the space.

It’s not that I have been silent about these issues. Recently, I took my grievances to my local paper in a guest column that called out many of the famed gay bars in Philadelphia. As a resident for five years, I felt that “The Gayborhood” was not the happiest place in my city if you were black and queer but more like the most excluding one at times.

The reaction was more critical than receptive. I received tons of nasty comments, social media attacks and jabs at my audacity to call out race issues within the LGBT community. Some went so far as to feel as though I was just trying to start a problem that didn’t exist.

Fun fact: the majority of the critics were white gay men.

And that is the problem.

When I look at queer programs, both local and national, there tends to be a social disconnect between the reality that is being portrayed publicly and what is happening privately. People of color are often the voyeurism that shapes white queer spaces — a feeling that has become more exploitative and problematic than embracing.

The constant pandering of black LGBT men as drag-ballroom performers or hyper-sexual eye-candy takes flight in many gay social scenes. There is almost a subservient element to it that excludes any other black gay expression that isn’t catering to the white queer gaze.

In other words, the various identities of queer individuals of color have not evolved and many of the institutions and spaces that are responsible for allowing them to have not. Take the fight for marriage equality for example, where have people of color been individually called on to take up that fight? Who sets that agenda? And where are LGBT allies when it comes to the racial injustices we face outside of queer politics?

In a community that boasts acceptance and equality, the LGBT community as a whole has been stagnant on rallying for other social issues that deeply impact a great number of its members and allies.

When other human rights groups were at Ferguson or Baltimore — many LGBT organizations said/posted nothing about the queer people of color who might have been afflicted.

As I have gotten older, it has become more difficult to ignore the intersectionality that has colored my experience as a gay black man. In one sphere, I am told that being black has nothing to do with being gay. And in the other, I am reminded that race is irrelevant to the conversation.

Both of these are lies and as much as one community wants to act as though they are more accepting than the other, it’s difficult for me to decide right now.

Sure, the black community can be labeled as having deep-seated homophobic views. But that lame trope is getting old when you take in consideration the current LGBT movement’s lack of recognizing variety and sympathy for people of color in general.

I’m sorry, but having a few famous black drag queens and transgender superstars does not make this issue go away.

The most annoying misconception that has often hurt further dialogue on this issue is the myths that talking about racism within our community will distract from other social causes we are trying to achieve.

I will no longer accept that excuse. It is 2015: if people are not allowing us to get married, it will have nothing to do with the fact that there is racism in our community just as it is in theirs.

At the end of the day, when we are finally over the constant focus on marriage equality — a cause that in my opinion reveals the privilege of our community, in regards to priorities — we should start getting real about what the faces and spaces of the next LGBT movement look like. Answer: more diverse and colorful.

Because the constant recycling of Dan Savage and many other white, cisgender men like him turns off aspiring LGBT members of color to come out and align themselves within the movement.

Overall, there needs to be a time for us to come out and get serious about the lack of diversity in LGBT leadership nation-wide. It is not enough to just have black, Latino, Asian, and Native Americans in the room but not actually invite their stories and experiences as well.

I am tired of going to queer events that are fundraising for only white queer member causes — but ignore that more than 5 black transgender individuals have been murdered so far this year.

Visibility is one thing, but access and equity is another. We need to start expanding the conversation on race in these conventions and not just for LGBT members of color but for their white counterparts.

I don’t just want specialized events and socials catered to me due to my race, but instead more intellectual space and opportunity to inform and enlighten the very members whom I share an interest in activism with.

It’s time to start addressing the racial setbacks in the current LGBT movement. If we don’t now, we are never going to obtain that pot of gold equality on the other side of the diverse rainbow.

— This feed and its contents are the property of The Huffington Post, and use is subject to our terms. It may be used for personal consumption, but may not be distributed on a website.

www.huffingtonpost.com/ernest-owens/now-is-the-time-to-start-_b_7261390.html?utm_hp_ref=gay-voices&ir=Gay+Voices

Florida Competes: Inspiring the Next Generation of Organizers

Today, field organizer David Topping reflects on one of the many superstar volunteers he’s met since moving to Florida.
HRC.org

www.hrc.org/blog/entry/hrc-field-organizer-reflects-on-florida-service?utm_source=rss&utm_medium=rss-feed

Jon Stewart Isn’t Ashamed To Show Off His Dad Bod

“What a great day for men,” begins the never-satirical Kristen Schaal on a Daily Show segment examining the recent ‘dad bod’ trend. “It’s time society finally accepted that a man’s body changes when he has kids. He spends nine months eating too much because his pregnant wife is stressing him out, and then there’s a screaming baby at home so he’s gotta get out for pizza and beer as much as he can. It’s just biology.”

Related: “Do I Have A ‘Dad Bod?’” Find Out In Four Easy Steps

The secret to obtaining a dad bod? “You don’t have to be a dad to have a ‘dad bod,’ you just have to be really lazy.”

The segment goes on to make a pretty glaring point about the double standard for men and women. Because what’s the female equivalent of the ‘dad bod?’ The ‘momshell,’ wherein women are praised for how quickly they can lose weight and become a bombshell again after child birth.

Watch below:

Dan Tracer

feedproxy.google.com/~r/queerty2/~3/lz_3dhBCN0g/jon-stewart-isnt-ashamed-to-show-off-his-dad-bod-20150513

The New 'Jem and the Holograms' Trailer Is Here…But Is It Any Good? – WATCH

Charles Pulliam-Moore

www.towleroad.com/2015/05/the-new-jem-and-the-holograms-trailer-is-herebut-is-it-any-good-watch.html

This Is How Trolls Treat Women On The Internet
A new Twitter hashtag shows just how rough it is being a woman on the Internet.

Online harassment-reporting platform HeartMob asked Twitter users to share their stories using #MyTroll, and the results are truly staggering.

Tiared of being silenced by #OnlineHarassment?
@heartmobber is collecting personal stories today on the hashtag
#mytroll. Share your story.

— Sally Kohn (@sallykohn) May 11, 2015

Harassers are everywhere. Any woman who has dared to express an opinion or share a story about her life online has probably been criticized and mocked, if not outright threatened. Some women are persistently harassed by specific, incredibly aggressive trolls who make chilling personal threats.

Recently, public figures like actress Ashley Judd and Feminist Frequency founder Anita Sarkeesian have spoken out about how harassment has changed their lives, and the steps they have taken to protect themselves from threats made over the Internet.

Platforms like Twitter have promised to do better at shutting down trolls and responding appropriately to threats, but there’s still a long way to go.

Here’s just a few of the terrible things trolls have said to women:

#MyTroll follows my every move even when he’s not active, to ensure that he can threaten me in the creepiest way possible when he is

— Bailey (@the_author_) May 11, 2015

#MyTroll stalks 8-10 other women too & has set up over 40 accounts under different names to circumvent blocks. Twitter won’t stop him.

— Sarah Faulkner (@sjfaulkner82) May 11, 2015

I reported #mytroll to the FBI, but they didn’t do anything bc he said “I should rape you” not “I will.”

— Emily May (@emilymaynot) May 11, 2015

#MyTroll: I shared my abortion story & this is the #OnlineHarassment I received. This is why people stay silent. pic.twitter.com/r0yNU986TT

— Renee Bracey Sherman (@RBraceySherman) May 11, 2015

One of the men that sent me a death threat eventually apologized when his mom saw his message to me on @TPM t.co/68PzoCPncr #mytroll

— Zerlina Maxwell (@ZerlinaMaxwell) May 11, 2015

Here are some other nice things #MyTroll(s) have said to me about my body parts and what they’d like to do to them pic.twitter.com/laQAIeZqeb

— Miranda Nelson (@charenton_) May 11, 2015

#mytroll stole my social security number, emails my job, constantly tells me I should be raped while the world says this is the internet

— Lady Rebecca (@ArchivistGeek) May 11, 2015

#mytroll told me I was a slut so my opinion didn’t matter. I told him that he was proving my point. #unslut

— The UnSlut Project (@UnSlutProject) May 11, 2015

#MyTroll found my personal email&said I should’ve killed my daughter&insulted a baby’s looks.I was angry,disgusted&terrified. @heartmobber

— Morgan MenesesSheets (@morgmeneshets) May 11, 2015

#MyTroll told me I’d never marry because I’m a #feminist & my decision to not have kids is a whiny “first world problem.” Yeah, whatever.

— Mandy Shunnarah (@fixedbaroque) May 11, 2015

— This feed and its contents are the property of The Huffington Post, and use is subject to our terms. It may be used for personal consumption, but may not be distributed on a website.

www.huffingtonpost.com/2015/05/13/being-a-woman-online-really-sucks_n_7265418.html?utm_hp_ref=gay-voices&ir=Gay+Voices

Here are the 14 things you have to do in Riga

Heading to the capital of Latvia? Add these things to your ‘to-do’ list…

read more

davidh

www.gaystarnews.com/article/14-things-do-riga130515