How This Plenty of Fish Couple Knew They Had Found “The One”
Joey was working three jobs and Donia had just started her busy career in television. Both didn’t have much time to date, but made the effort to each post profiles on Plenty of Fish! This is their story… What was it about each other’s profiles that drew you in? Donia’s profile picture definitely caught my […]
OP-ED: Inaugural Southern HIV/AIDS Awareness Day launches today, August 20th: Everything you need to know about the day and why it matters to the Southern community
Credit: SHAAD
“Freeing yourself was one thing. Claiming ownership of that freed self was another.” (“Beloved,” 1987) – Toni Morrison
While there are many days that seek to raise awareness around HIV/AIDS throughout the year (National Black HIV/AIDS Awareness Day, National Youth HIV & AIDS Awareness Day, World AIDS Day) for the first time ever, this year the eyes of the HIV/AIDs community will collectively turn to the Southern United States on August 20 as we mark the inaugural Southern HIV/AIDS Awareness Day (SHAAD).
Southern HIV/AIDS Awareness Day (SHAAD) is the first ever day dedicated to looking at the HIV/AIDS epidemic on a local level in the south, and for that reason it is already slated for a strong kick off. Organizers, private industries, government officials, and communities will join together to make their mark in shaping history. While the day will exclusively focus on the South, the awareness day is also an opportunity for people from across the country to join a national movement to raise awareness, erase HIV-related stigma and discrimination, and advocate for new and necessary resources and solutions to stem the tide of HIV/AIDS in the South.
According to the Center for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC), “the South now experiences the greatest burden of HIV infection, illness, and deaths of any U.S. region, and lags far behind in providing quality HIV prevention and care to its citizens.” Year after year, more people are diagnosed with HIV in the South than the rest of the country combined. It should come as no surprise why organizers and founders of the day decided to take a break from summer to bring much needed attention to their community.
So what exactly will this day mean to people living and working in the South? As I was thinking of the best way to share that with the readers of GLAAD, I thought there could be no better way than to hear directly from the people themselves. These are Southern voices who are planning to commemorate the day across their communities they serve from across the region.
When the rate of HIV infections in the South is one third higher than the national average, we need to think broadly about how we tackle this problem at the intersections. I’ve dedicated my career to addressing the growing HIV epidemic, particularly in the Southern U.S., and #SHAAD2019 is an important step in a nationwide effort to look at this issue holistically. We’ve come so far in this fight together as one community and with a voice louder than ever. We can go further to end the epidemic in our country.
Aquarius Gilmer, M.Div., Director, Government Affairs & Advocacy, Southern AIDS Coalition State: Alabama
The inaugural SHAAD means that a new wave of a movement building is taking place that raises the awareness of the HIV crisis in the South. SHAAD centers the unique challenges, needs and possibilities for Southerners as we seek to mount a sustainable response to significantly reduce HIV. SHAAD is an opportunity for local communities to be reinvigorated and double down on our data-driven-advocacy, medical and non-biomedical interventions and stigma reduction efforts.
SHAAD means a lot here in Memphis Tennessee. We are consistently in the top five in the country for new HIV diagnoses, so this day means raising awareness to save our community in a major way. The stigma associated with HIV/AIDS needs to be dismantled city by city, and state to state. The lives impacted in our city is large in number, so there should be a large amount of awareness as well. This day is so important to ending the epidemic by 2030. More importantly is the conversations that have to be had on a small scale to serve as a vehicle to move small, rural, or marginalized communities into the mainstream conversation.
Coleen K Cunningham, MD, Professor of Pediatrics, Duke University Medical Center State: North Carolina
Southern HIV/AIDS Awareness Day provides an opportunity to increase awareness of the HIV epidemic and to educate everyone that people with HIV are not to be feared, avoided, or blamed. The ultimate goal is to decrease the stigma. People who are living with HIV shouldn’t have to deal with taking on the significant stigma that is so common in the Southern US.
Living in the South I’ve witnessed so many wonderful individuals and organizations from all different backgrounds come together in support of this day to form a collective power. There’s nothing like seeing your community and other communities come together in unity to love, support, and bring awareness.
We are pleased to see the first Southern HIV/AIDS Awareness Day and hope that it will bring attention to the unique geographical, political and historical dynamics of the south that are at the heart of why it bears the greatest burden of the US HIV epidemic. As a resident of the South, I want others to know that we are more than our HIV burden. We invite the rest of the country to work with us in eliminating the socio-economic and racial inequities that make our communities vulnerable to HIV.
Julian Walker, Actor, BET’s Being Mary Jane and Author, A Year Without You State: Mississippi
Awareness about HIV/AIDS within the South is needed because the conversation tends to still be taboo and rooted in stigma. Growing up in Mississippi, the education we’ve received around testing and sexual health wasn’t enough. We as a community must also learn the importance of prevention options such as Pre-exposure Prophylaxis (PrEP) or Post-exposure Prophylaxis (PEP) and treatment advances like Undetectable = Untransmittable (U=U).
Milan N. Sherry, Lead Organizer & Founder, Nola Trans March of Resilience State: Louisiana
I am a transgender woman, an organizer, and a Southern girl originating from New Orleans, L.A. I have navigated the care-scene professionally and as someone living with HIV. I am a leader, a mother, a teacher, an activist, and an advocate, who has lead organizations, developed programs and did countless hours of outreach for LGBT communities and for people living with HIV/AIDS. In the South, I have witnessed a comparable difference when navigating care, access, and resourcing professional caregivers who possess knowledge in the Southern region. Awareness days like SHAAD, hopes to create an impact with real aims and are all the more important to our Southern communities. Southern-organized events like the 2nd Annual Nola Trans March of Resilience, happening this November 20th, is a testament to that communal survival and peer-education we need. SHAAD provides the scope and lens that it is important for us in the South find our commonality, through understanding the facts about the issues sweeping our region.
Min. Alphonso Mills, Community Advocate State: South Carolina
With the impact of the HIV/AIDS epidemic on the South, the inauguration of SHAAD shines a light on the systematic and social issues that perpetuate the stigma and spread of HIV. While medications are improving to help people live longer lives, HIV stigma in religious communities, barriers to accessing adequate healthcare, increasing homelessness amongst LGBTQ youth, and other determinants impact the likelihood of the most impacted communities obtaining the medication and taking it daily.
Living with HIV for 6 years, and contracting HIV in the South, it touches home to have a day to stand boldly in my truth, and show people in my community that it is possible to live with HIV and “Live my best life!” This day could be the catalyst to show the world that while the South has struggled with fighting this epidemic, it is time to bring our layered intersections together and address the real problems we face in the South. We must look at our community as individualized pieces that make up a beautiful mural of resilience and strength tied together in respect for one another.
Kendall Boone, Co-Founder/Marketing Director, He Is Valuable, Inc. State: Georgia
For my community organization, HIV is a tangible reality, one we don’t have the privilege to live outside of when our younger brothers, cousins, bristas seroconvert on an almost daily basis. For me and my community, SHAAD means an awareness of everyone in the South, from the privileged to the disenfranchised, to wake up and realize the reality of HIV. The beauty of HIV in 2019 is biomedical prevention and treatment empowers everyone, regardless of HIV status, to take control of their HIV status.
Dr. Celeste Watkins-Hayes, Author of Remaking a Life: How Women Living with HIV/AIDS Confront Inequality, Professor of Sociology and African American Studies & Faculty Fellow in the Institute for Policy Research at Northwestern University
SHAAD represents an important call to action to address the HIV epidemic in the South. My book, Remaking a Life: How Women Living with HIV/AIDS Confront Inequality, unequivocally demonstrates that we cannot end the epidemic unless we build a supportive infrastructure that wraps its arms around the community. Access to health care, economic resources, social support, and political voice are vital tools necessary to prevent new infections and to assist people living with HIV.
To learn more about Southern HIV/AIDS Awareness Day, visit southernsolution.org. Also today show your support and share your stories on social #SHAAD2019
Aaron Schock’s Beach Bro Says Former Congressman’s ‘Viewpoint Has Grown and Changed Significantly’
Instagram “influencer” Jeremy Cormier is speaking out after experiencing “bullying and personal hatred on a level that I would not wish on anyone” for posting an Instagram photo with disgraced former Republican Congressman Aaron Schock.
Said Cormier in a new post: “I realize the post I made the other day has gotten a lot of attention and raised questions about what I stand for. I’d like to address that now. Among other things, it has been assumed that my sole goal in life is to be an Instagram ‘influencer’ and while I have never claimed that, if I were to ever try and influence anyone it would be to do something good. So here’s what I have to say: Aaron Schock and I became friends in 2019. I do not now, nor have I ever shared or supported the views he espoused concerning LGBTQ rights while in Congress. Knowing him, is to know someone who’s viewpoint has grown and changed significantly in the last decade. To affect change open communication among those with differing views is essential. The support our community enjoys can only grow when we reach out to those who don’t share our viewpoint.”
Schock has never apologized for his support of a federal amendment to ban same-sex marriage or his support of the military’s ban on openly gay service members. He has denied he is gay when asked by the press.
Cormier is trying to turn the anger over their friendship into a positive thing, so he invited people to donate to charity.
Added Cormier: “In that vein I invite you to join me in donating to the @victoryfund , I have already donated $500. The organization works to elect openly LGBTQ persons to protect our community and advance equality. Since my post was made I have experienced bullying and personal hatred on a level that I would not wish on anyone. That behavior can never be justified even when it’s directed toward those who don’t support us. I encourage everyone to fight against hatred and bullying wherever it exists. To do that, please join me in donating to the @trevorproject , an organization fighting to provide crisis counseling to LGBTQ youth – many of whom have suffered from bullying. Once again, I have already donated $500 and invite others to donate as well.”
“I’m not perfect,” continued Cormier. “I am a normal, flawed individual and have never claimed otherwise. But what I do know is hate is toxic and it perpetuates – it is good for no one. I recognize this is only a small effort but let’s do something good together.”
You may recall that Schock recently escaped corruption charges including filing false tax returns, mail fraud, wire fraud, submitting false reports to the FEC, false statements, and theft of government funds, defrauding the government of more than $100,000.
‘Kissing Walls’ stars on how to handle the awkward side of gaysex
Zak Payne and Nathaniel Tenebaum in ‘Kissing Walls’
Zak Payne and Nathan Tenebaum have the pesonalities of born performers, and the rapport of dear friends.
The pair giggle and banter, Tenebaum speaking in his soft British accent, Payne in flat Arizona tone. Their real-life relationship closely mirrors that of their characters, James and Cameron, in the new season of their web series, Kissing Walls. The season just landed on YouTube and OpenTV.
Kissing Walls follows the lives of two gay men of color living in Chicago. James (played by Payne) aspires to write professionally. Cameron (played by Tenebaum) wants life on the wicked stage. Season 2 of the show finds the pair confronting the perils of career aspiration and dating in Chicago’s gay scene, touching on insecurities surrounding age, sex, race, and even polyamory. Amid the chaos, however, is a love story of a different kind–that of two best friends steadying each other as they take on the world. It’s a dynamic so many queer people can relate to.
Nervous but giddy, Payne and Tenebaum granted Queerty a few minutes to discuss the very funny new season.
So Zak, what’s the inception of this series?
ZP: I was really interested in contributing to the media landscape, specifically with queer stories. It came about in that way. I was really inspired by series that were coming out at the time. Web series like High Maintainance, and The Outs, Broad City, Awkward Black Girl–there were possibilities for independent television. Nathan was the first person I contacted. We’d met in Arizona and worked together on a few productions: Rent, Hairspray. I’d seen him in everything I’d done, and he was blowing up in Arizona theatre.
I started writing. We did a Kickstarter and realized I wasn’t going to get the money I thought I could. The script was originally much longer and had an ensemble cast. Once that wasn’t an option, we started thinking more intimate. I always wanted to do a series that was more real, to show queer characters of color…
NT: In a non-apologetic way.
ZP: Yeah.
NT: We had to introduce someone to something that we consider our everyday sense of life. I always feel like gay characters have to be introduced or hand-held through a story as a friend to someone who is more palatable to the sensitivities of what people want to see on TV. We didn’t want to do that. We wanted to present what we are: human beings.
Well said. So, Nathaniel, Zak mentioned you were working in Arizona. Did you relocate for the show?
NT: Well, correct me if I’m wrong Zak, but I had gotten to a point in Arizona where I was like this is dull, I can’t stand it any longer. I was like we should go somewhere. We should go to Chicago! And then I totally aborted the plan because my theatre career in Arizona took off.
ZP: Chicago was definitely not on my radar. I thought I would go to LA, I was done with Arizona. Then we went with a friend group to Chicago, and I totally saw myself living here. I was still going to Arizona University, but I decided to finish classes online.
NT: But in answer to your question, each time we did a shoot I did relocate. And I did turn down gigs to do this.
Zak Payne as Cameron
Did you have apprehensions about doing a web series?
NT: The funny thing is Zak was just gushing about stuff I’ve done. But Zak, during the time we did Rent, Zak made an entire feature-length documentary about the process. And it was compelling. It’s really spectacular. To make a long story short, I didn’t have any apprehension whatsoever.
I’m glad you mention Chicago. Chicago is very prominent this season, with some beautiful photography. What is it about Chicago that lends itself to this story, and that makes it unique for gaymale dating?
ZP: I think I’d lived in Chicago about a year before I decided I was going to get going with making something. I contacted Nathan.
NT: What was conceived [prior to moving] was that it was going to be for him and I.
ZP: Yeah. I had come from Arizona, a very conservative state. It’s a completely different culture coming to Chicago. There are so many little pockets of the queer community. I think the largest is Boystown [in Wriglyville]. That drew me in, and was exciting. In Arizona, the biggest event would be Pride. In Chicago, there’s something for everyone in the community, which excited me. I never feel like I don’t belong. I’ve always felt very welcome here.
And for you Nathan?
NT: For me, I don’t look at it necessarily through a queer lens. It’s more when I got to Chicago, it was an immediate sense of being in a cozy pocket. Everything was accessible, easy to get to. The city itself really immediately transports you to this really comfortable feeling. The appeal of that is something I always look for when I’m ingesting media: I’m looking for a feeling to feel like I can settle down, to take a moment. Chicago, as soon as I set foot in it, I exhaled. So when Zak mentioned we would shoot in Chicago, I was like this is a feeling that will translate.
You touch on a lot of major dating issues this season: open relationships, racism, ageism, meeting guys on apps and the like, and how friendship can help keep you anchored in the midst of all that pressure and moral dilemma. Is that reflective of your own relationship?
ZK: That became such an important element of the show as we were developing, and especially between production of Season 1 and Season 2. [We realized] that’s where the magic is in the series, within our friendship. So that was something we had to have amplified more in Season 2. Especially in the romantic comedy genre that I was really attracted to, the friendships more than the boy-girl relationships. I liked the friend scenes.
The other thing that I love about your approach to that is how the insecurity of the characters doesn’t absolve them. How much of that is based on your real insecurity?
NT: The insecurities playing out on screen are my current anxieties. They always say write what you know, so Zak and I chatted about it, and I really opened up for him. During Season 2 I had just gotten out of a five-year relationship which had just ended six days before we started shooting.
Nathan Tenebaum as James
Oh wow.
NT: So everything was very raw, very fresh, very new. Zak asked me if it was ok to tap into, and I said yes. So there is no separation for me.
ZP: From the very beginning we were very ever really wanted to make up drama. I can just talk day-to-day about what’s going on in my life, and I’ll have five friends who are like “Me too!” And I was like why are we making up these scenarios? I can just go through any day-to-day life and just find the drama in it. That, from day one, was what we were really tapping into.
NT: In those moments drawing a direct parallel from our real lives…people sometimes struggle with writing to make sure it’s authentic and very real. We eliminate having to ask ourselves that question when we are doing a translation from our actual lives. It will always be real. The performances will always have a grounded base in the stories that we’re telling. They’re lived experiences.
Does that make the show a greater challenge for you as actors—going back to confront your own pain?
NT: Yeah. Absolutely.
[Laughter]
NT: In Season 2, there is a scene where Benjamin comes over to meet James, and they immediately start f*cking. It’s rough, because I was just coming off of a relationship, and my ex and Peter were like similar heights and hairstyles. It was all very oh my God it’s happening again!
[Laughter]
NT: Zak was so sweet about it. He pulled me aside and asked “How are you feeling? Do you need to take a moment? Tell me what you need to get through this moment.” He was really accommodating which allowed me to feel safe and really jump into those moments. I felt I had a responsibility as an actor. If I was seeing a situation that was so traumatic for me being replayed, I would want that situation to be authentic. I want to feel its something I can relate to and not something thrown out there for drama. Something I can directly relate to.
ZP: I think that was something from the scale we’re at. We didn’t have a lot of interference from a major studio telling us “Tone this down, bring this up.” It was very much just a stage for discovery. It’s like, I’m not Shakespeare. If you have something better to say, say it. We have rehearsal to figure out what worked and what didn’t. There was always this striving for something authentic and real. We never wanted a series that felt very Hollywood. We’re able to make something different, so why not?
Talking to you both now, it’s obvious this is a very fulfilling creative experience for you.
ZP: It’s a privilege.
It’s also ironic. Creative frustration also plays a huge role this season.
ZP: Yes.
Does reliving these feelings help you find a certain catharsis?
ZP: I think I’m living in that right now, this week, now that it’s out. Looking at the last two years of post-production and editing, I’m still very much connected to these characters and their artistic shortcomings and anxieties. I think only now, having it out, and hearing people say “This is really good” am I like this is cool.
NT: It feels good, because I’m always having this internal conflict of are we straying away from what’s really happening? Did we sensationalize it? Then something will happen and it’s like no, this is as weird as our life has been. And I mean weird in the best possible way: unexpected, kismet, just really exciting. And I do think there’s catharsis that comes through that. I love fruit punch in any way, shape or form. Doing the series and being reminded that we are living these lives we portray feels like a fountain of fruit punch in the house. I’m creating content for something that I know will be authentic. That is cathartic. I don’t know many artists that arrive at that on their first go. It’s an unbelievable privilege.
The show isn’t afraid to address sex, and, shall we say, some of the logistical issues associated with gay sex. But it doesn’t dwell on that, and it never feels like softcore porn. That’s a trap many web series fall into. How do you strike a balance of a frank approach without being exploitative?
ZP: We always have the story first. With the writing process, I was never like this is where I put in the sexy scene. It was always these are the characters, this is the drama. If we’re going to show these characters than we need to show their sex lives. I always go back to the romantic comedy genre and the gay best friend trope. They’re usually sexless characters. If our whole thesis is taking those characters and putting them at the forefront of the romantic comedy, then they should be having as much sex as their straight, white counterparts in the genre.
NT: And if you do put two white ingenues in a film, and you’re 40 minutes into the film and there isn’t a love interest story starting, people would riot. Why have beautiful attractive people in this movie for 50 minutes? Where’s the tension? People don’t do that when it’s two dudes, because it’s like people don’t want to say that. It’s unbelievable. And the easiest way to make those scenes to come across real, when you really break it down, what takes a concept from being completely hyperbolic and unreal is the fact that there are eyes and ears that can relate to it. That’s what takes a moment from being fanciful to realistic. When you get people that can relate to it, it becomes real and it’s immediately appealing.
ZP: You know, the whole big sh*t in the bed fiasco [one character this season loses bowel control during sex]…[could have been] this whole big thing. And I have seen a few things like that. But [as a gay man] you have these situations, and things go awry, and you just have to glaze over them like an adult. We show that with the series. So it just ends up being, rather than this traumatic scene, it’s like oh, it’s actually totally fine.
NT: And loving. Those moments happen. We want to inspire people to not leave their house to go on their first gay date terrified of sh*tting on someone. It happens.
[Laughter]
I encourage douching.
NT: For sure.
Zak Payne as Cameron with Mike (Patriac Coakley)
Now let me ask you both: as queer men of color…I think all queer people recognize there is a double standard in the way gaysex is portrayed on screen versus the way straight sex is portrayed. Do you see there as being a double standard in the way sex is treated with the white ingenues you mentioned versus people of color?
NT: I definitely think there has been a situation like that. If we’re taking it back to the trope of slavery, we were just around to be studs. We were just seen as a means to get someone else off. That trope carries itself down. Yes, it’s been watered down over hundreds of years, but it’s hypersexualized for people of color. It’s an easier sip into romance for characters if they are just not black men or men of color. This is what Zak has done so beautifully: he really created this world where romance can exist outside stereotypes. What if you drop two people of color into When Harry Met Sally? What happens then? And why not?
That’s a good working relationship. Has appearing in a web series opened more doors for the two of you to find work as actors?
ZP: It’s starting. Season 2 has been out a week, so it’s still in its infancy. But just doing Season 1 I was of the mindset that if we can just make something we can get on to the next thing. And I think that’s exactly what happened in finding our producer for Season 2. He was able to see the possibilities. Now, with Season 2 out, I wan to anticipate another big leap. There’s so much more we can do with Season 3.
What about for you as an actor, Nathan? Have you had more offers?
NT: No. But this is my first on-film project ever. I’m predominantly a stage actor. That’s where my career began. But doing this project has definitely inspired me something within me too. I’m hoping to jump in a little bit more.
What are your hopes for Season 3?
NT: We’re working on it.
ZP: We’re definitely working out it. We have quite a few ideas, and want to dive into half-hour episodes. That will take quite a few resources, and that’s the road we’re on now. I have a date in my head, so I’m like we shoot on this date. And the last two times it worked, so I’m hoping it will be the case again.
Kissing Walls is available on YouTube and OpenTV. All photos courtesy of Jon Wes and ‘Kissing Walls.’
It’s the little memories that will last a lifetime. Melanie and Matt are having fun making sweet little memories. She writes: “Matt and I matched on Zoosk in March 2018. I had been on several first dates from online matches that amounted to nothing more than a first date. I had decided ahead of time that Matt
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When you fly Air Tinder, you fly in style.
No middle seats. No crying babies. Must be 18 to board. If you’re traveling for business, we’re not your crew. We only serve those traveling for pleasure. This is a party flight: no sleeping, no complaining, no fishing for IG followers. Please pack light—our overhead bin space is limited, so we kindly ask that you check your baggage at the door.
Welcome aboard. You are now free to swipe about the cabin.
First Date 101 – How to Be Yourself on a First Date and Increase Your Chances of it Leading to a Second
First dates are daunting. Whether you’ve been actively dating for a while or you’re completely new to the scene, no one is exempt from the worry or anxiety that comes with meeting someone for the first time and hoping to make the best possible first impression. A first date often means moving away from the […]
Meet Curt Schilling, the creepy transphobe Trump just endorsed for Congress
Curt Schilling (image via CNN screenshot)
Yesterday, Donald Trump tweeted, “Curt Schilling, a great pitcher and patriot, is considering a run for Congress in Arizona. Terrific!”
Schilling hasn’t actually announced that he’s running for congress, mind you. But anyone who has ever Googled his name knows that he’s a former Boston Red Sox player who turned into a transphobic sports commentator and far-right conspiracy theorist and Islamophobe — exactly the sort of man Trump would love in Congress.
Let’s take a quick look at Schilling’s public record, shall we?
Schilling was always known as a “conservative loudmouth” who’d call into Boston radio shows in the early 2000s to shill for antigay President George W. Bush. (See what we did there?) In 2007, he launched his own political blog in which he wrote about being a Christian and “why the media sucks.”
After Senator Ted Kennedy of Massachusetts died in 2009, Schilling briefly considered running as an independent, stating that he was anti-abortion, against gay marriage, in support of lower taxes and “absolutely for the 2nd Amendment.”
“Black and Latinx transgender women are often overlooked within the workforce, specifically in public health,” said HRC Foundation’s Director of HIV & Health Equity J. Maurice McCants-Pearsall. “In many ways they are relegated to solely working in community outreach and HIV testing roles. As we seek to give voice to those who have been pushed to the margins, it is important that we develop and expand access to equitable professional development opportunities.”
During its inaugural year, Elevate will focus on skills-building as well as professional and leadership development, consisting of one intensive in-person training and a series of interactive webinars.
“Recently a stellar group of advocates and community leaders met at HRC to create groundbreaking convent in collaboration with the Human Rights Campaign,” said Executive Director of Advocates for Better Care Atlanta Tori Cooper, who will be one of four transwomen facilitating during the fellowship. “We will address the totality of persons described as ‘marginalized’ in an effort to reduce stigma, problem solve and create healthier futures.”
Each point of engagement is designed to increase competencies that improve health outcomes within the Black and Latinx transgender community in Arkansas, Alabama, Mississippi and Texas, all part of HRC’s Project One America program. Participants must have at least one year of experience in health-related direct services and/or advocacy work and be willing to commit to a one-year cohort. The program is open to applicants who identify as transgender women of color — including non-binary and trans-feminine people.
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