Why You Should Always Say 'Hi' to That Cute Person on the Subway (VIDEO)

Why You Should Always Say 'Hi' to That Cute Person on the Subway (VIDEO)

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I’m From Driftwood is a 501(c)(3) nonprofit archive for lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, and queer stories. New stories are posted on the site every Wednesday.

We’ve all been there: You see someone cute on the subway but don’t know what to do or if you should chat them up. Simone Davis recalls finding herself in that exact scenario one morning on the way to work:

The train comes, and we get on the same train together. I keep looking up at her, and I keep looking back down at my poetry book and writing, and then I keep looking up at her. … I don’t say anything, because I’m too shy. And I’m thinking, “This girl will think I’m crazy for just walking across the train and talking to her out of nowhere.”

Fortunately, the object of Simone’s affection wasn’t quite as shy:

[J]ust before she gets off the train, she hands me a note. The train doors close, and I look down at this note, and the note says, “I’d like to read it/hear it when it’s finished.” And it has her email address after it. And I’m like, “Yes! I won!”

Unfortunately, it just wasn’t meant to be — yet. After some email mishaps, there was no communication between the two for a full year and a half. Fate wasn’t quite finished with these two, though. Simone’s friends insisted that she go out with them one night, and after some resistance she agreed:

I’m sitting there, having a good time with my friends, and in this girl walks, the girl from the train a year and a half ago. I start telling my bros this story, and they’re like, “What? What? What are you doing still sitting here?! Go in there and talk to her! Go in there and get her!”

After some dancing and reintroductions, Simone and Katrina hit it off once again. This time, though, they immediately set up a first date, which ended up involving a ferry ride and a first kiss. Simone’s advice? If you ever have a chance, take it and go all in:

Take that chance. Take that risk on speaking up, because unlike my story, we often don’t get second chances. Sometimes we only get one shot. It took one person to step up and to make that introduction to make this story happen.

WATCH:

For more stories, visit I’m From Driftwood, the LGBTQ Story Archive.

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In Four Supreme Court Clashes Over 15 Years, a Consensus for Equality Emerges

In Four Supreme Court Clashes Over 15 Years, a Consensus for Equality Emerges
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Photo by Joshua Glick

The giddy atmosphere outside the Supreme Court Tuesday afternoon was only slightly more festive than the mood in the courtroom itself. As expected, civil rights legend Mary Bonauto knocked it out of the park for marriage equality. But something bigger was in the air — a sense that history wasn’t just turning but had, in some basic sense, turned.

It wasn’t only that the other side’s arguments have imploded, though there was that.

John Bursch, the Michigan lawyer charged with defending discrimination, spent most of his time arguing that gay people marrying will somehow convey that marriage is now about couples rather than children (despite the hundreds of thousands of gay families raising kids), which in turn will cause straight people to have more children out of wedlock.

Also, if a woman weighs the same as a duck, she is made of wood and is therefore a witch.

Bursch did, however, avoid the ever less plausible argument that the freedom to marry is somehow anti-religion — no doubt aware of the quickening embrace of equality by mainstream denominations and millions of religious Americans. That didn’t stop Justice Scalia from repeatedly insisting that ministers could be forced to perform same-sex wedding services as a condition of exercising civil marriage authority. You know, like rabbis are now forced to marry interfaith couples.

That, and a few lingering questions on polygamy, is really about all they have left.

Beyond the lopsided merits, there was a powerful sense in the courtroom that our community has broken through. Even the conservative justices engaged seriously and respectfully (well, Scalia will be Scalia). And a majority of justices bluntly stated their impatience with arguments that fail to recognize the dignity and equality of gay families. It felt like a cultural moment had arrived — confirmation of acceptance and respect that would have been unthinkable a generation ago.

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Photo by Joshua Glick

Contrast the 1986 oral argument in Bowers v. Hardwick, in which a constitutional challenge to criminalization of private intimate conduct was mischaracterized as being about a “right to commit sodomy” and constitutional scholar Larry Tribe was peppered with hypotheticals about sex in public toilets. I wasn’t there for Bowers, thank goodness, but at three other oral arguments over the last fifteen years (all in cases where my firm submitted briefs), I was privileged to witness progress unfold towards Tuesday’s culmination.

First came Dale v. Boy Scouts, in 2000, in which Evan Wolfson (also basking this week in well-earned marriage glory) faced down a skeptical Supreme Court on behalf of James Dale, an Eagle Scout and junior scoutmaster tossed from Scouting when he came out in college. In those days, the Scouts still argued that only heterosexual boys could be “clean” and “morally straight,” and LGBT advocates felt compelled to submit social science briefs explaining that gay people were not mentally ill pederasts — what we used to call the “Homo 101” brief.

On the ground, Dale was a game changer, jump-starting awareness of the irrationality of antigay discrimination. But sitting in court, there was a sense of uphill effort as the justices seemed more concerned with protecting Scouting’s right to enforce its own moral code than with preventing discrimination — previewing the Court’s ruling that the Scouts were a private association immune from civil rights regulation.

Just three years later, when Lawrence v. Texas came before the Court, much had changed. Seventeen years after Bowers, sodomy laws appeared even more obviously archaic, and the issue presented no First Amendment complications. The cause was now represented by Paul Smith — an openly gay law firm partner well known to the justices as a former law clerk and SCOTUS regular.

The argument this time felt more like a tutorial than a battle for respect. There were still some wince-worthy moments — as when Justice Scalia asked Smith whether states could bar gay kindergarten teachers to keep kids off “the path of homosexuality.” But Smith’s insider status made it easier for him to tell the Court how wrong they had gotten it in Bowers — reframing the issue in universal terms tied to fundamental American values of privacy and autonomy: “Most Americans would be shocked to find out that their decision to engage in sexual intimacy with another person in their own home might lead to a knock on the door” and a criminal prosecution.

The Court listened. Justice Kennedy’s majority opinion struck down the Texas law as a violation of personal liberty and expressly overturned Bowers. The Court confirmed that gay people, like any other group, are entitled to respect for their intimate, private choices and free to invoke Constitutional principles “in their own search for greater freedom.” Justice Scalia’s dissent lamented — presciently — that rejecting moral disapproval as a ground for sodomy laws also eliminated the main argument against recognizing the freedom to marry for same-sex couples.

How right he was. Of course, work on marriage equality (masterminded by trailblazers Bonauto and Wolfson) had already begun years earlier in Hawaii, Vermont, and of course Massachusetts, where same-sex couples began marrying in May 2004, less than a year after the Lawrence decision.

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Photo by Joshua Glick

It took nearly a decade to get back before SCOTUS, as marriage equality advanced in fits and starts in courts, legislatures, and ballot referendums across the country. By the time United States v. Windsor hit the Court in 2013 — challenging DOMA’s federal recognition ban — the tide had shifted, with nine states allowing marriage and public support topping fifty percent.

That momentum was reflected at oral argument, where the pro-equality side for the first time seemed to have the upper hand right out of the box. Even before Robbie Kaplan rose to argue for Edie Windsor, Justice Ginsberg had set the tone with her “skim milk marriage” quip and Justice Kagan had stopped Paul Clement’s defense of DOMA in its tracks by showing that Congress had been motivated by the kind of moral disapproval rejected in Lawrence. This was followed by U.S. Solicitor General Donald Verrilli arguing DOMA’s unconstitutionality on behalf of the Obama administration.

What a change from Evan Wolfson’s brave, solitary stand. When Kaplan took the podium, it was Chief Justice Roberts who seemed on the defensive — acknowledging what Kaplan described as a “sea change” in attitudes towards gay families and noting that politicians were “falling over themselves to endorse” marriage equality. When he tried to flip the issue and suggest that the gay community was now too powerful to require heightened constitutional protection, Kaplan recounted lost marriage battles and other recent discrimination — driving home that the “sea change” was a product of evolving moral understanding rather than political clout.

Windsor, of course, struck down the federal recognition portion of DOMA and sparked an astonishing two years of further litigation, legislation, and public education in which marriage has grown from nine to thirty-seven states and public support for the freedom to marry has hit sixty-three percent nationwide.

All of which brought us to Tuesday, where the argument felt even more one-sided than Windsor. Bonauto, with her trademark quiet intensity, eloquently set forth how exclusion from civil marriage needlessly demeans and harms gay people and their families. The conservative justices pushed back on the length of time marriage had been limited to different-sex couples, but Bonauto explained other ways that marriage has evolved over time and evoked Lawrence in arguing that “times can blind and it takes time to see stereotypes and to see the common humanity of people who had once been ignored or excluded.”

And as to the perennial question of “who” gets to decide marriage, Bonauto beautifully summed up that “it’s not about the Court versus the States. It’s about the individual making the choice to marry and with whom to marry, or the government.”

There was some anxiety when Justice Kennedy, too, questioned changing a definition of marriage that had been around for “millennia” (actually, not true) — but he later re-emphasized the concern he expressed in Windsor for the well-being of children of gay parents and his moral understanding that same-sex couples seek to share in the “nobility and sacredness of marriage.”

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Mary Bonauto and co-counsel meet the press. Photo by Jeffrey S. Trachtman

No one wants to jinx it, but most observers expect another favorable 5-4 vote and have the champagne on ice for the kind of emotional celebration that marked Pride 2011 (when marriage was enacted in New York) and 2013 (following the Windsor decision).

Winning marriage is, of course, just a step along the road to justice. Marriage doesn’t serve everyone equally, and there is plenty left to do to protect LGBTQ youth and elders, achieve equality for our trans and genderqueer neighbors, and advance broader social justice. For many of us in D.C., the events in nearby Baltimore gave the day a bittersweet flavor. That doesn’t mean we shouldn’t savor this moment of impending triumph, but let’s keep it in perspective: no rest until everyone is free, safe, and equal.

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Gay Guy Admits To Raping Straight Guy At Las Vegas Pool Party

Gay Guy Admits To Raping Straight Guy At Las Vegas Pool Party

lvbanegasA Florida man has admitted to raping another male who passed out during a booze-fueled pool party in Las VegasThe Smoking Gun reports.

22-year-old Gustavo Banegas (pictured) pleaded guilty to felony charges associated with an attack that happened last August in a bathroom at the MGM Grand Hotel. Both he and his victim, a married man from Utah who was vacationing with his wife, were attending the hotel’s “Wet Republic” pool party.

According to police, they received a call when a hotel security guard walked into the bathroom and discovered “a Hispanic Male Adult who appeared to be attempting to have anal sex with an unresponsive White Male Adult.”

Related: 15-Year-Old Kentucky Boy Gang Raped By Five Men In Videotaped Assault

According to Banegas, he found the victim passed out drunk and “sitting on the toilet with his shorts pulled down to his ankles.” After lifting him off the pot and onto the floor, he became excited when he “saw the unconscious male’s penis.” He told police he became “immediately turned on” and “began to masturbate while standing next to the sink.”

As his excitement grew, Banegas said he became “so turned on sexually he stepped toward the unconscious male and knelt down next to him” to perform oral sex for “approximately 10 seconds.” Had the security guard not walked in, he said, he likely “would have sucked on the victim’s penis for a couple minutes more.”

Banegas admitted that he knew his actions were wrong, but he was so “turned on” by the “attractive” victim that he just “couldn’t help himself.”

This doesn’t quite jibe with what the security guard reported, however. According to him, when he walked into the bathroom, Banegas’ swimsuit was around his ankles and he had “a full erection.” The guard added that Banegas was “appearing to begin having anal sex” with the man.

The victim, who remained unconscious throughout the attack, says he is “unable to recall any other incidents that took place inside the restroom.”

Banegas is scheduled to be sentenced in August after pleading guilty to attempted sexual assault and coercion charges on April 14. He remains free on $100,000 bond.

Related: Dude Gives Cabbie A BJ In Exchange For A Ride, Wonders If He Was Raped

Graham Gremore

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Weekend Movie Review: 'The Avengers: Age of Ultron'

Weekend Movie Review: 'The Avengers: Age of Ultron'

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Chris Hemsworth’s Chest. Its Own Special Effect.

BY NATHANIEL ROGERS 

Movies really ought to be seen (and reviewed for that matter) on their own terms. But what if their very terms are — “it’s all connected!?”

I had the exhaustive if qualified pleasure this week of attending “The Ultimate Marvel Marathon,” in which select theaters across the nation played back-to-back screenings of all 11 of Marvel Studio’s films. Those take you from Iron Man (2008) through to the latest superheroic orgy of mayhem known as The Avengers: Age of Ultron (2015). Between the screenings (20-30 minute breaks) were interstitials selling the television program “Marvel’s Agents of SHIELD” that frequently reminded us that it was ‘all connected’.

Does the latest film THE AVENGERS: AGE OF ULTRON satisfy all on its own? My early guess — only time will tell — is “not so much” but then, is it really intended to? 

MORE AFTER THE JUMP

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Seeing the movies back-to-back threw their problems into sharp relief: the movies are ultimately formulaic, disinterested in women, have weakly conceived villains (an oddity given that good villains are such a comic book staple), and betray an unfortunate tendency to end with a battle in which large inanimate objects frequently collide or crumble, mistaking mass destruction as the highest form of entertainment when the figurative character beats as well as, yes, literal character beatings are nearly always the most pleasurable moments.

Blackwidow-horrorOn the plus side, the marathon was a great reminder of why blockbuster culture has been stampeding all over more intimate cinematic triumphs for a long time now: they feel like “events” even when they aren’t very good. The audience was cheering the arrival of every major character as they returned in Ultron and who wants to miss a party that everyone else will be going to?

The close proximity of the movies also threw hot spotlights onto the films that felt the most complete in and of themselves. They number four if you’re feeling generous: The first and third Iron Man films maybe but definitely both Captain Americas. The First Avenger and Winter Soldier are the jewels of the Marvel Cinematic Universe (by which I do not mean those blueball-inducing infinity stones — Jesus the amount of times these movies tease those stones and that story won’t be over until 2019 after several more movies!!!). The Iron Mans and Captain Americas, despite the fact that they’re enriched by connections to other films, feel more or less like their own movies and not “Previously On” / “To Be Continued” television episodes which won the billion dollar budget lottery. 

Marvel’s super powered stable began getting the live action screen treatment as early as 1977 on television but it wasn’t until 2008 when Marvel began to take back cinematic control of their own characters (the ones they still held the rights to at any rate). Though they’ve been entirely too resistant to evolving (still no female led movies – even though Scarlett Johansson is quite literally more bankable outside this franchise than all of her male co-stars save Robert Downey Jr) they have done a superb job of long-term strategizing and growing ever since. In 2015 Marvel practically owns the world. That’s an ideal deed to own, if you constantly wish to threaten and then rescue that same planet.

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Which brings us back around to Ultron, the latest Global Destruction threat. The new film begins before Ultron is born with a hunt for Loki’s powerful scepter, so it’s something of a red herring. Writer/director Joss Whedon worked a miracle with The Avengers (2012) making the first superhero team movie that felt like a team movie (sorry X-Men movies but you don’t cut it because you’re constantly reducing down to Wolverine & Magneto when you have such a lively array of character to work with) so he can jump right in this second time around. There’s no dull ‘getting the band back together’ business so we get to the big ‘Avengers Assemble’ money shot you’ve been seeing in every commercial (above) as fast as a new enemy gets around — which is to say, very fast.

In the fictional city of Sokovia, we meet two mysterious new threats in the shape of twin “enhanced humans”. The Avengers don’t have the advantage of having seen their own trailers and read their own comics so they don’t yet know if the magical Scarlet Witch (Elizabeth Olsen) or her super-speedster brother Quicksilver (Aaron Taylor-Johnson) are friend or foe or merely misguided Sokovian orphans with unusually sneaky gifts. The Avengers do just fine with this mission except for the part where the twins throw them off their game. Cue: one of the movie’s repeat catch-phrases.

“You didn’t see that coming.”

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As with the first team-up movie, the surprises are difficult to find in the A storyline so the joy comes mostly from the best action and acting moments.

Whedon’s best contribution to the Marvel Cinematic Universe has undoubtedly been his two-fold gift for juggling humor with character beats while simultaneously offering up complex team dynamics and real gravitas underneath that thin surface of jokery. His initial claim to fame (Buffy the Vampire Slayer) may have been named after one character but it was a true team series, of dramatic and comic pleasures, from the first episodes. Age of Ultron‘s first act is basically one long doozy of a set piece, which manages to give us time alone with every principle character and give them some connective tissue in battle together, too. There’s even a non-invasive welcome detour by way of a quiet moment between The Hulk (Mark Ruffalo) and The Black Widow in which we realize that their relationship is heading away from the platonic and to the romantic. (The Black Widow did not attend the Ultimate Marvel Marathon or she would have seen The Incredible Hulk from 2008 and known that Bruce Banner is too scared to have sex — the rising heart rate, you know.)

The title story only comes to the light in the film’s second act when Iron Man makes a foolishly swift decision about his long-shelved “Ultron program” (essentially peace-keeping robots to guard the earth) which leads to one very pissed off sentient robot, voiced quite memorably by James Spader, who takes his digital beef with Tony Stark out into the real world of flesh and blood. In one of the film’s best scenes he introduces himself to them in lurching incomplete form (made from remnants of an Iron Man form complete with metallic Jack O’ Lantern creepiness). He catches them off guard because they stupidly haven’t realized that they’ve still got an hour of movie to fill. 

From then on though, the movie devolves into an increasingly cluttered mix of globe-hopping action spectacle and occasional quiet moments. Whedon smartly frames the catch-your-breath moments around the most-human and thus the most vulnerable Avengers: The Black Widow and Hawkeye. Hawkeye in particular becomes something of a meta figure, channelng fan disinterest in his least powerful and least popular character into a kind of verbalized self-doubt and purpose-seeking. It’s so on-the-nose that I feared they would give him the super-power of breaking the fourth wall and he’d start speaking directly to anyone he saw yawning in the audience.  The other self-aware business is much more successful. The movie makes great use in particular of Captain America’s old-fashioned qualities for a running gag about his distaste for profanity. 

Chris Evans continues to be adorably innocent sex on a stick and as steely heroic and self-sacrificing as ever. Total husband material. He can even chop firewood if you’ve lost your axe.

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Fans of the individual heroes will have plenty of amusing beats to look forward to. After the bone crunching vulnerability of Daredevil over on Netflix and Winter Soldier where the blows seemed to actually hurt in all of the action set pieces, much of the action here feels stakes-free. One big slow-mo climactic moment with ALL of the heroes and new characters in frame (that’s a lot of people) obviously intends to be the movie’s biggest money shot (a shout back to that circling camera in Times Square from the first team up?)  but it feels muddy and weightless, an abstract kaleidoscope of shifting colorful costumes rather than an actual brawl with fists, power blasts, kicks, and magical hammers.

Even master jugglers have their limits and Whedon starts dropping balls with this overstuffed movie. Now he’s got twice as many characters as the original film and even more franchise sequels to prime in plot diversions (future Thor and Black Panther movies are the most ill-fitting skin-grafts and the next Avengers the easiest to imagine and most organic). There’s so much of this that Ultron, who initially feels like the best villain Marvel Studios has ever come up with, begins to recede. He’s far more threatening on his own when he looks like a junkyard than when he grows stronger and replicates. How could that happen? In the end his army of selves become suspiciously like body doubles for the anonymous alien villains at the end of The Avengers (2012) – computer-generated images for our heroes to easily rip apart in their world-saving duties. 

This is a shame because with a tighter focus on Ultron and (even better) his counterpart sentient machine The Vision (Hello, Paul Bettany!), who is best left to discover in the movie, this spectacle could have been truly spectacular.

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Nathaniel Rogers would live in the movie theater but for the poor internet reception. He blogs daily at the Film Experience. Follow him on Twitter @nathanielr.


Nathaniel_R

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Flannel Is Not the Enemy

Flannel Is Not the Enemy
In April, a group of students at McGuffey High School in Claysville, Washington County, Pennsylvania organized an “Anti-Gay Day” in response to the National Day of Silence. LGBTQA students in McGuffey’s GSA had organized a local Day of Silence as part of their ongoing work to build safer schools. In photos that went viral, some participating youth wore flannel shirts to promote “Anti-Gay Day” which was a source of some eye rolling and dismay among flannel wearing lesbians (and others.)

As a counter-response, community leaders opted to organize a show of support for LGBTQA youth, using the hashtag #TakeTheHighRoad which is a play on McGuffey’s mascot (a Highlander) and the need to stay focused on what was best for the youth themselves. Flannel shirts were encouraged, but optional.

The youth in Pittsburgh-based queer performing arts group Dreams of Hope took our #TakeTheHighRoad message of support to McGuffey High LGBTQA students a few steps further — producing this lovely video with their own unique messages.

For McGuffey High from Dreams of Hope from First Take on Vimeo.

Kudos to Dreams of Hope for reminding us that flannel is not the enemy and the value of supporting other students.

What can I add to their message? You might still want to post your own photo and make a modest donation to the crowdfund. All funds will be used by the Washington County Gay Straight Alliance (a 501c3) for student programming, including taking the youth to the upcoming queer prom as well as their after school activities. This GSA is a community group that has been on the ground working with McGuffey School District for months. They will be there when the dust settles and the public eye turns elsewhere.

For more information, please visit the Stop The Hate at McGuffey Facebook page.

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Gay Party Group That Only Charged Over-40 Crowd Says It’s “Deeply Saddened” By Allegations Of Ageism, Denies Everything

Gay Party Group That Only Charged Over-40 Crowd Says It’s “Deeply Saddened” By Allegations Of Ageism, Denies Everything

Screen-Shot-2015-04-23-at-9.47.20-AM-360x222The South Florida chapter of The Impulse Group, a non-profit that “focuses on the sexual and overall health of the gay community” by hosting and promoting swanky shindigs, was recently accused of age discrimination after requiring anyone over the age of 40 to pay a $50 age tax “donation” for entry into a pool party in Miami.

Related: Gay Party Group Accused Of Age Discrimination For Only Charging The Over-40 Crowd

This week, the group issued a defense saying ageism “played absolutely no role” in its decision to charge anyone over 40 a fee to attend the event, then said promoters were “deeply saddened and stunned” by the amount of hatred and vitriol they received, calling attacks against them and their volunteers “unacceptable.”

That’s right. The club promoters, not the people they discriminated against, are the real victims here. And shame on you for accusing them, a non-profit organization, of being ageist when all they’re trying to do is help raise awareness to HIV prevention!

Related: If You’re Over 40 You Should Stay Out Of Gay Bars, Says Ageist Blogger

Unfortunately for The Impulse Group, its plan to shut people up seemed to backfire.

“Why can you not adopt the simplest solution: charge all or charge no one?” one person commented in response. “You have already stated on your website and other places on this very page you are ‘funded by AHF and private donors.’ Therefore, you don’t need an over-40 surcharge.”

In the long term, you cannot alienate the community at large even if it gets you what you want for now,” another person wrote.” Later on you might need us oldies, and you will [have] lost us.”

“There is no real apology, for they continue to state they did nothing wrong,” someone else commented. “Too bad, for any hope they could have had for healing this rift is over. Maybe they should have someone over 40 make the responses.”

Here’s the defense in full:

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Graham Gremore

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WATCH – 'Star Wars: The Force Awakens' Jar Jar Binks Trailer

WATCH – 'Star Wars: The Force Awakens' Jar Jar Binks Trailer

Binks

A month late for April Fools pranks, but this parody trailer for Star Wars: The Force Awakens featuring the CGI abomination that is Jar Jar Binks is a pretty clever little joke.

Now if I could just get those horrific images out of my head… 

Watch, AFTER THE JUMP

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Kyler Geoffroy

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